Page 32 of Man Flu

I try to push myself up a little, realizing I’m still naked underneath the wrapped-up blanket. “You really don’t have to do that, Logan. You’ve already done more than you should have today.”

“Maybe, but I’m going for sainthood, so let me have this.” He smirks as he pushes himself up to his feet. “I’ll grab your clothes from the dryer while I’m down there.” He had switched my laundry a couple of hours ago during a commercial break, and in my lethargic state I didn’t argue, but I don’t remember the last time someone has done my laundry.

“If Rick gives you any trouble, let me know,” I tell him.

“I’ve got it taken care of,” he says with a reassurance I can’t understand. Rick is a dick. I don’t know how many times I can recite this silently to myself, but he doesn’t just give in.

I swear I hear laughing downstairs, but it must be my imagination. There couldn’t possibly be anything the two of them have in common unless a devil and angel are somehow related, but surely that’s not the case.

I hear little feet clomping up the stairs. She’s moving around, so hopefully she feels better. My bedroom door flies open, and I’m still flat on the ground in a burrito. “Mommy?” Cora asks, obviously confused to see me lying in the middle of the ground.

“Hey sweetie,” I say, reaching my arm out to her.

“Why are you on the ground in a blanket?” she asks.

I shove my hand under my face to look up at her. “I believe I caught whatever you have. How are you feeling now?”

She sits down in front of me, and her nose scrunches. “What is that smell? It smells like poop or throw up, maybe both.”

I’m sure it’s smelled like that in this room for the last three hours, and I’ve just gotten used to it. I can’t imagine that Logan got used to it, yet he stayed. “Let’s try not to worry about the smell. How are you feeling? That’s what’s important.”

She shrugs her shoulders. “A little better. I’m kind of dizzy still, and my head hurts, but I want to go back to school tomorrow. Dad said I could if I don’t have a fever in the morning.”

“I’m so glad to hear you’re doing better.” And I’m so selfish for thinking that because she’s better, I have a slight chance of being better tomorrow too. Maybe it’s just a twenty-four-hour thing.

“Mom?”

“Cora …”

“Why is Batman Beefcake here?”

I feel like whining and crying a little. Cora doesn’t understand what it means to kick someone when they’re down, nor would she think that’s what she’s doing right this second, but I’d rather not think of any form of Beefcake. “It’s a long story,” I tell her. It’s the truth, but to be honest, I don’t believe I really have a good explanation for why he brought me home at lunch and never left. It may be hard for her to understand.

“Good luck with that,” I hear loudly from downstairs. It was Rick’s voice. Good luck with what?

“Did Daddy take good care of you today?” I ask Cora.

She leans back onto her elbows and crosses her legs. She’s such a mini-me. “Eh,” she sighs. “He was on the phone all day, but Tiana braided my hair five times. It kind of hurt, but it’s the only time she stops talking so I let her do it.”

“Why isn’t your hair in a braid now?” That woman drives me bonkers. I don’t care if someone is good at doing hair, or calls herself a beautician, along with a fitness enthusiast, she should keep her hands off my child. Plus, I think one member of my family is enough for her to steal.

“I took it out. That’s why she did it five times.”

“I know, you don’t like tight braids.”

“I told her that, but she didn’t listen.” I roll my eyes, noting the extra pain it causes in my head. “Why are you naked?”

“It’s part of the long story,” I tell her. If she were older, my long story would be going in a bad direction right now.

“Daddy and Tiana were naked today too. Maybe it’s naked day?”

“Um, what?” I’m hoping I just heard her wrong, so I’m going to let her say it one more time before I hunt my laundry down and head on over to castrate Rick’s dick.

“Well,” Cora says, letting her head fall to the side. “I was taking a nap, and when I woke up, I forgot where I was, so I got scared and ran to Daddy’s room. I opened the door without knocking. It was an accident—” Crap, I don’t want to hear any more. “But he was naked and so was Tiana. I think they were fighting or something because he was shaking her around against the wall, and she was yelling his name really loud. I told him to stop hurting her, and when he saw me, he dropped her.”

“What?” I ask with exasperation.

“Yeah, she fell to the ground and screamed, then crawled into her closet. It was weird. Dad said he’d be with me in a minute and that I needed to go back to my room—did you know Daddy doesn’t have a vagina like we do?” Dear God, I’m already sick to my stomach. Why must you do this to me today?