I’m aware of how much I have hurt you, and cheating is inexcusable. I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I've done, especially after how well you treated me throughout the last six years. I gave you nothing in return, and I'm know this note might be tossed out your window in a matter of minutes, but I couldn't walk away without at least trying to do the right thing byyou.
No more promises from me. I know I can’t keep them. I can’t tell you I’ll stop drinking because I’m pretty sure I have a problem, just like my stellar father. I treated you like shit because there was never a woman around in my life to show me how one should be treated. I’ve been blind to it. I know I don't deserve you, and I didn’t deserve the last six years of your time, but I hope you’ll forgive me someday, even if it’s just for wasting yourtime.
You may never believe me, but I do love you, and it hurts as I slowly come to the realization that we are really over this time. I have boxed up your things and dropped them on the back patio of your mom's house. If you need anything, you know how to find me. Thank you for trying to fix me. I guess some things are just too broken torepair.
Love youalways,
Mike
Wow.I didn’t see that coming. Maybe it’s a little sad that my first thought is that someone wrote this for him, but on second thought, this must be his final attempt to gain myforgiveness.
I lower my head down to the steering wheel, as tears form in the corners of my eyes. I was never trying to change him, but I did hope he would see how much I cared about him and wanted us to work out. Investing so much time into something and then closing the door to walk away is difficult—nearly impossible—for me, but at this point, I don’t know what it means to be happy in a relationship. I used to feel it when I made him smile, but that’s just it. It was always me making him smile. He was never willing to put any effort into making me happy. The note falls from my hand, landing on my lap as it leaves me with nothing but an emptiness that fills my chest. I won’t miss him because there is nothing to miss. He gave nothing, and that’s why it’s finally over. Six years was a long time to waste, but it’s better than a wholelifetime.
I drive toward Mom’s but turn off the road when I spot the Starbucks I frequent the most. I sweep Mike’s note off my lap and take my bag with me. My focus is set on my usual table in the corner, but Chelsea stops me before I’m all the way through thedoor.
“Hey, girl,” she says from behind the counter. I’ve been coming here for so long, I’ve become friends with the staff. Since I don’t have a normal office, these people are the closest I have to co-workers, so I like to come here when I need social interaction. They're easy to get along with, they make me coffee, and they don'thover.
“Hey.” I wave and pull my bag off my shoulder, letting it drop to the chair I had my sights on. By the time I reach the counter, Chelsea has my grande coffee waiting forme.
“You look like you’ve been hit by a bus today,” she says, handing me the cup. I laugh at the irony, remembering Jackson's threat of being hit by a bustomorrow.
“It has been a seriously rough week,” I tellher.
“I was wondering why I hadn't seen youhere.”
“Honestly, I may need a shot of whiskey in this coffee before I fill you in on the story,” I joke withher.
She glances over her shoulder and pulls her apron off. “John, can you cover for me? I'm taking myfifteen.”
I drop five dollars down on the counter for my coffee and tip, then head over to my table where I’m supposed to beworking.
Chelsea plops down in front of me. “You know I don't like to be nosy, but Mike was in here earlier,” she blurts out with an apprehensive squint to hereye.
I press my hand against the side of my face. “That is not what I wanted to hear,” I tellher.
“He was looking foryou.”
“I guess he’s smart enough to know I won't answer his calls if he were to try,” I tell her. Chelsea is well versed in all things Mike, and as I think back, I realize it’s been years since I had something positive to say abouthim.
“What happened?” She twists off the cap of her water bottle and takes a quickswig.
“I broke up with him.Again.”
“For good this time?” She sounds as skeptical as Mike did, but laughs a little because it's been an ongoing joke in my life. Evidently, everyone is aware of how weak I am. How can I be the descendant of someone so strong willed, yet, I have such a difficult time figuring out how to make a change in mylife?
“I had a date last night,” I tell her, chewing on my bottom lip, waiting for the excitement that will likely follow hergasp.
“Wait, wait...when did you break up with Mike?” She’s leaning forward on the table as if this is the most exciting news she's heard allweek.
“Yesterday,” I utter, andwince.
“Dude,” shelaughs.
“It’s been over for so long that I felt like it was just a matter of me making it official. I don’t think he ever would have broken up with me, even though he was cheating. He had the perfect set-up; a girlfriend for when it was convenient, and the freedom to sleep around whenever he wantedto.”
“I totally get what you're saying. It’s just that you've broken up with him so many times before. Are you sure you want to bring someone else into this so quickly, and possibly hurt him? I mean, are you sure you’re not on therebound?”
“If whatever that one date was last night doesn’t work out, it won’t be because ofMike.”
