Jackson presses his hand into the wall beside me. “You’re being a little hard on yourself, aren’tyou?”
“I’m thirty-one years old and I just found the courage to end a six-year relationship that was bad right from the beginning. Then, on a bribe from my grandmother, I accept a date with a charming, eye-catching doctor who just kissed me like I've never been kissed in my entire life, so obviously, I’m a bit challenged when it comes to making rationaldecisions.”
Jackson’s infectious smile reappears, illuminating his eyes under the fluorescent lights. “Better late thannever.”
Better late than never.Is that what's going through Grams’s head right nowtoo?
“If you want my advice, which I know you don’t,” Jackson begins. “Finish reading the diary. Find out how the story ends, then make your decision based on what would be best for her…and you. The reality is, Charlie has got to be in his nineties and may not be capable of doing much of anything at all, let alone coming here to see your grandmother. Then again, he mightbe—”
“Iknow.”
“You know you’re going to keep reading it anyway, so figure it out afterward. In the meantime, we’ll pacify your grandmother and keep her calm,okay?”
I look up into Jackson’s piercing eyes and the reflection of the light highlighting his gaze. He has more common sense in his pinky finger than I have in my whole body. “Okay,” I agree with a slightnod.
“On another note,” he says, looking around briefly. “Are you having any ex-boyfriend troubles before I ask you to have drinks with metonight?”
“I thought we had a date set for Friday?” I ask, keeping a coy sense of control over thissituation.
“We do, but what if I were to get hit by a bustomorrow?”
“I probably wouldn’t know about it because I don’t even have your phone number yet,” I playalong.
“We’ll have to fix that problem, and I’ll make sure to label your number in my phone as ‘Contact If Hit By A Bus.’ Now, you don’t want to pass up a chance to hang out with the guy who just kissed you like you’ve never been kissed, do you?” he asks with a smug grin, seeming quite amused withhimself.
I can’t stop the laughter from pouring out of me. “A funny doctor. I didn’t believe you at first, but you really are multi-talented.”
“I'm the whole package, you know? I come around once in a lifetime.” His words sway along with an exaggerated fake yawn as he groans and stretches his arms above his head. I slap him in the gut with the back of my hand, and he buckles forward with achuckle.
“I need to go get some work done after I make sure Grams is okay, but where should we meet for drinks?” I just keep falling for his ploys—such acharmer.
“Landsdown at eight?” heoffers.
“Sounds good tome.”
“Meet me outside of Landsdown, though,” hesays.
“Why?”
“Justbecause.”
I playfully roll my eyes and brush past him, rejoining Grams, who has fallen asleep in the time I've been gone. Hopefully, she’ll be more relaxed when she wakes up. At least I know she’s in good handshere.
I take the diary from the seat and slide it into my bag before tiptoeing out of the room. In the large elevator, I fall heavily against the wall and close my eyes for a moment, overwhelmed by everything in my life. I concentrate on taking in a full, deep breaths, feeling as though I have forgotten to do so in more than a few days. I feel like my life is spinning out of control, and I'm having a hard time finding something to hold onto. It’s a bit like Alice in Wonderland, falling down a hole into uncharted territory, with no way of knowing exactly what happened or where I’ll endup.
The words sinking into my mind aren’t easily digestible because I can’t relate to the circumstances and sensations she experienced. It’s hard coming to terms with the fact that I may not ever truly comprehend what she has been through, and now it’s causing this invisible gap between us that has never been present before. Grams has been living with this all these years, knowing she’ll never have the chance to experience what she should have during those impressionable years, and worse, her young love was filled with torture and torment. I thought for sure that we were similar, but I know now I’ll never be able to be half the person she is. I could never be as strong as she was. She is a survivor in the truest sense of theword.
My thoughts carry me out to my Jeep and I toss my bag inside before sliding into the seat. As I go to close my door, I see a note pinned between my wiper blade and windshield. I stare at it for a second, realizing it's an envelope.That's weird. I lean back out, pull it free, and bring it backinside.
The envelope isn’t sealed, making it easy to retrieve the note. Unfolding the unevenly folded paper, I find Mike's messyhandwriting.
Please, no moreapologies.
Emma,
Please don’t throw this note away without reading itfirst.
I have messed up more times than I can count. After having some time to think, I can honestly say that I was a lousy boyfriend. I don’t know how to be a good one, and I guess that doesn’t say much for me. I realize it shows immaturity on my part, but in my defense, I’ve never had a role model to follow when it comes to treating another person the way they deserve to betreated.
