“They won't get away with this forever,” he said. The look in his eyes pleaded with me to change my mind, but I had totry.
“They have already done too much damage. Look around at how many forevers are overnow.”
“Don’t leave me, Amelia,” he blurtedout.
At first, I wanted to tell him he was selfish, and I almost did, but I calmed myself first while trying to understand why he cared so much. “What about me?” Iasked.
“I’ll never leave you,” he muttered through a sudden hoarseness in histhroat.
“We’re only friends, Charlie. Sometimes friends must leave each other, especially friends who should never have been friends in the firstplace.”
“You’re not my friend, Amelia.” The broken sound in his voice was gone, and replaced by a firm tone ofdetermination.
My breath felt sticky in my lungs as I was struck with the shocking truth his statement revealed. I had wrongly assumed that the time we had spent together and the help he given me defined a friendship. Maybe he was just going for sainthood while the rest of his kind were running toward the gates of hell. In any case, no matter what his reasons, he would always have a place in my heart for what he had done for me—giving me hope that there was still kindness peppered into a world full of hate. “I understand,” I toldhim.
“No, you don't.” His hands squeezed tightly around my shoulders as his eyes blazed withdarkness.
“Charlie,” I whispered as I tried to tug myself free of his grip. I should have been scared by the unfamiliar look in his lake-blue eyes, but I had never feared Charlie before. I believed his acts of aggression weren’t a portrayal of who he wasinside.
My world stopped spinning when his unequivocal gaze ravaged my breath. I couldn’t read him or understand why his chest was rising and falling so fiercely. “Are you okay?” Iasked.
He nodded his head with little movement, then inhaled sharply as he crashed his lips into mine. My heart thawed, creating a thick fog in my chest. His lips were warm, soft, and just large enough to engulf mine. Within the bliss of kissing him, I was acutely aware of how awful I smelled and how bad my breath must have been, but I tried to put the thought into the back of my mind as his arms slid around my back to hold me a little closer. He didn’t seem to care about the things I was worried about, and it meant everything to me at that moment. I needed air, but if I could, I would have gladly suffocated against his lips and endured that way of dying over anything else. I would have willingly given up my last second of life for that moment—one, I was sure I’d never experience. Charlie’s kiss took me by surprise, but I didn’t want it to stop. For the first time in so long, I felt alive again. I didn’t want Charlie to know, but that was my first kiss, and I wasn’t sure how to kiss him in return. I had hoped he didn’t notice my inexperience, but maybe that’s what intrigued him aboutme.
Time felt as though it was running away as my thoughts continued to race. How was I blind to the fact that Charlie had those feelings forme?
Tingles ran up and down the length of my body, and I was sure my feet were no longer touching the ground as Charlie’s hands slid up to my cheeks. The pressure from his lips softened, and he pulled away with more trepidation in his eyes than he had just a few minutesprior.
Not knowing how to respond, I said, “I’m sorry. I must smell so terrible. How could you want to kissme?”
“Amelia, don’t be ridiculous. None of that matters to me. Besides, your circumstance here is beyond your control. How could that possible influence how I feel about you?” he asked. “To everyone else, we're so wrong, but what does that matter when nothing else in this world is right? Amelia, I—I’m in love you. I loveyou.”
I couldn’t speak. I was too surprised by Charlie’s confession, and I was trying to process whether the feelings I had for him were just friendship or something more. Maybe I was in denial to protect my emotions because I knew I couldn’t handle someone else being taken away fromme.
In that instant, though, my thoughts changed as if they were on a switch. I questioned whether it was reality or a dream, but as the cold air touched my lips, I knew it wasn’t a dream. “I won’t leave you,” I told him without hesitating—or thinking—for that matter. He loved me. I was not alone anymore. Somebody lovedme.
His lips curled into a smile and his eyes squinted against the rise of his cheeks. “Charlie, if I tell you I love you, you’ll leave me just like everyone else I have ever loved, so I’m sorry I can’t offer you the same affirmation in return,” I told him, fearful of speaking the truth of how I felt about him. It was love, which was why I couldn’t repeat hiswords.
He didn’t argue. “I don’t care if you love me. I don't care if you do and never tell me, but I needed you to know that I love you, and I will do whatever I can to protectyou.”
