“Now, this is fucking hot,” I say, not even trying to hide my anger at themoment.
Liam presses my legs apart as wide as they’ll go and slides his fingers up into the endless black hole. My body might swallow his fingers too if he’s not careful. Holy crap. This isridiculous.
“Hmm,”hesays.
“Are you kidding me?”Iyell.
“Relax, you’re probably forcing it up higher every time youclench.”
“How can Irelax?”
“I have an idea,” he says. “Give me onesecond.”
Liam slips out the door. “She’s fine, but she needs a minute alone, so don’t go in there just yet,” I hear himtellDad.
The thoughts of what he could possibly be getting right now are making me nauseous. I’m going to have to go to the hospital and have them remove a ball from my vagina. This just can’t be happening. I’m going to die of embarrassment, and then I’m going tokillhim.
Liam is back within a minute, and I can’t see what he has in his hand, but once again, he looks at me with as much seriousness as he can conjure. “Just try to relaxagain.”
“Um, you’re not playing gyno right now, so what are you planning to do?” He pulls his hand away from his back, exposing a—“Are you sticking a fucking spoon upthere?”
“Justtrustme.”
“Trust you? I think that’s how I got a goddamn ball stuck inside of me in the first place,” Igrunt.
I feel the cold metal of the spoon slowly slide into me as I thank everything in this universe that Liam is well endowed, making it so easy for the head of this spoon to slide on up. I feel it connect with the ball, and I can’t help the giggle that comes out when it hits the right nerve, or my g-spot, not too sure if that’s what’shappening.
Liam tilts the spoon upward a bit, and I feel like I’m being pried open by a speculum but in the opposite direction. The ball comes rolling on out, and Liam holds it up like a trophy egg on a spoon he just ran an obstacle course with. “Got it,”hesays.
I sit up, feeling my nostrils flare and my cheeks burn. “That was mortifying,” Itellhim.
“I didn’t think you’d be so sensitive to it. I’m sorry, really,” he says, trying not to freaking smile. He’s not sorry. He enjoyed every second of this. “Your dad does think you were having a seizure, though, so you should get dressed and let him knowyou’reokay.”
I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my rage. Feeling relieved, at least, I pull a pillow in front of me and sigh. “Is everything okay with you and Sam?”Iask.
“Couldn’t be better, and you wereright.”
“That’s not going to work as anapology.”
“I’ll make this up to you, Ipromise.”
“You better,” I tell him. “When are you going to tell Dylaneverything?”
“Tonight,” he says. “It’ll be the perfect time for a lot of thingstonight.”
“Okay, well, take your balls back, please. I don’twantthem.”
“That’s not whatshesaid...”
I’ve never seenfireworks over the water, but this is the way towatchthem.
Jade is sitting in her chair, bored out of her mind, watching Cleary and Sterling talk to a couple of bimbos. She broke things off with Cleary last week because she concluded “on her own,” with no help from me that she’s still madly in love with Chip. However, Chip has not taken the time to return her calls or messages over the past week, so Jade is in depressed mode. There isn’t enough wine or ice cream in the world to fix her right now, but God knows I havetried.
The beach is crowded and we’re all huddled close together, but as a man walks up behind us and yanks Jade out of her chair, I can’t help but gasp. Is that—Noway. . .
“Chip!” Sheshrieks.
“Babe, you broke my goddamn heart, and I have been driving myself crazy for the last few months, pining over losing you. You need to know I’d wait another thirty years to marry you if I knew you’d stay with me. I love you, Jade, every quirky and cute little thing about you, and I don’t want to be awayfromyou.”
