Crap, I needed to get my shields back up.
But I couldn’t raise them. I was too tired. Everything ached. Most of all, my teeth.
It wasn’t the body-snatching takeover of smearing or the double-you-over urgency of estrus, but still, the throbbing in my mouth felt… biologically intense. Instinctive, essential—like the reflex to blink or breathe. My teethneededhis neck.
But I couldn’t.… I couldn’t possibly.…
“I can’t,” I whispered, more to myself than to Hawk. “I just can’t. Not even for a baby.”
Koda’s expression remained unreadable. But Leif’s worried eyes bounced between the two of us like someone watching a family fight.
“Why not?” Hawk snarled. All the pity drained out of his amber gaze. “Why are you so afraid?”
I blinked at him. “Are you serious?”
Anger spiked, flushing my body even hotter than the estrus.
“Because this is a crazy fever dream! One that can’t possibly last!” I shouted. The words came tumbling out like a dam breaking. “It’s just biology! How can you not see that? This… whatever feelings you think you have for me and the not-real ones I have for the three of you will go away as soon as I’m out of estrus.”
Hawk’s nostrils flared. “You think I’ll just stop loving you. That my heart will flip off like a switch when your estrus is done.”
He loves me?My heart stuttered over the big reveal. No, no, he couldn’t. That was just his biological response to the estrus talking.
“No, my feelings arereal,” Hawk insisted, shamelessly reading my mind. “I’m in this with you for as long as this heart is beating in my chest. Then I’m down to meet you in the Great Bear Forest.”
His voice resoftened. “I’m your mate, Holly.Forever.”
“No, no…” I rebuked his claims with a shake of my head. “You’re an ex-con who made a vision board you can slot anybody into!”
Hawk’s eyes flared. “You think?—”
“Iknowyou’re not seeing this for the temporary arrangement it is.” I hurled the facts at him, like gym dodgeballs meant to inflict bruises. “Takoda already said this is all on his bear. He didn’t ask for any of it, and I don’t have to bite him to know he doesn’t want to be here. It’s that obvious.”
The stiff Mountie confirmed my guess with a flex of his jaw and a glance to the side. It might have hurt, if it didn’t prove my point.
“Exactly,” I said into his silence. “And as for Leif…”
“Don’t. Holly, stop.” For the first time since we met in that jail cell, Leif gave me a command, his blue eyes begging me not to finish that sentence.
But I had to. Hurting him was the only way to make him understand. I looked the big doofy blond straight in the eyes to inform him, “You’re just a puppy who obviously has no idea what he’s signed up for.…”
Leif reared back like I’d slapped him.
“Stop it. Leave him alone, Holly!” Hawk’s voice turned vicious as he regarded me from the other side of the nest’s border. “He’s just as new to all this forever maul stuff as you. But at least he has the courage to adapt to his new reality. And you know, you’re not the only one who’s navigating some serious emotional damage.”
He waved a hand at the Mountie he’d made me lure back here. “Koda’s been hurt, too. His original maul—the one he dreamed of since he was a kid—fell apart before it could even get started. He thought he was going to be a lone bear for the rest of his life. Until a week ago, when you walked into town, and he had to settle for me, instead of my perfect doctor brother, to maul you.”
“Hawk…” Koda began, his jaw tight.
“No, let me finish. It’s time to stop protecting her. She has to hear this,” Hawk insisted without taking his eyes off me.
To my surprise, Koda didn’t say anything else. Just crossed his hands behind his back. The international sign for “go ahead.”
Which Hawk did, his amber eyes furious as he continued to lay into me. “He’sterrifiedof you—of going into this with all of us. But at least he just took breaks to keep his head together. He didn’t fuck you one minute, then turn around to shiv you where it cuts deepest the next because he’s so scared of getting hurt again.”
“I’m not scared! I’mright!” I balled my hands into fists, hating him and dripping for him at the same time. “You’re trying to convince me it’ll be totally fine to bond forever with two randos and a violent criminal, and I’m trying to make the three of you see past this estrus stuff to the fact that we’re not remotely suited for each other outside this nest!”
Hawk’s lip curled, his eyes flashing with fury. And hurt. “Is that all I am to you?” he asked, his voice low and taut. “Some random criminal?”
