“He was honored. When he heard about Mike, it nearly crushed him.” Kate held the door open for Janie to walk through. “But yes, I’ll be glad to, next time I see Sophie. They might even come for New Year’s.”
“I appreciate it.”
Kate sat down and patted the empty spot beside her on the swing. “Have a seat.”
They rocked in unison for several minutes, enjoying the calm silence. Despite the freezing temperature, the fresh air invigorated her.
“How’s my brother doing?” Kate gazed at her solemnly. “I don’t want the version he gives everyone, but the truth.”
Janie sighed. How were any of them doing? It depended on the day. “He’s stubborn, which aids or hampers his leg depending on the situation. It drives his determination to have a normal life, but he doesn’t listen to his limits and brings on pain he could have avoided.”
“Stubborn should have been his middle name.” Her soft tone implied no hard feelings toward him for having that quality. She gazed in the direction of the shop. “He’s walking a lot better than he did in August.”
“He does well for the most part. He won’t tell anyone, but he still uses the cane sometimes at home.”
“How do you know?”
“I’ve noticed the cane in different spots around his apartment, always the day after he had a particularly rough time.” Her own gaze shifted to the shop. “Don’t say anything to him about it. For reasons only he knows, which I assume relate to pride, he doesn’t want people to know.”
“It stays between us.” Kate made a zipping motion over her lips. “How are the scars? Not the physical ones, but the ones that can’t be seen.”
“From what I can tell, he’s doing well. We all have our moments, but he’s moving on, trying to figure out what to do next.” She fought the heaviness in her chest with a deep breath. “Jared’s the one I’m more worried about. He won’t talk much about it, and I think he’s taken to drinking.”
“He wasn’t physically in the crash, was he?”
Janie shook her head. “No. They’d all been goofing off the day before, and Jared sprained his ankle. Mike took his spot on that mission.”
Kate’s mouth formed a wideO.“That’s an open door for a load of unnecessary guilt.”
“They’ve all struggled with guilt, but none as much as him. He wouldn’t look me in the eye for weeks after they came home.” Moisture gathered in her eyes.Go away tears. I’ve shed enough of you.“When he finally explained why he’d been distant, he apologized, and I told him there was nothing to apologize for. It could have been any of them in the helicopter, and he didn’t cause the crash. None of them did.”
“You never had a moment when you wanted to blame him?”
“Not one. Any one of them would give their life for the others.” She stopped, stared in the distance, collected her thoughts. “I hate that Mike died. It’s a grief that soaks into your bones, and it tears you apart from the inside out. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I don’t know why He called him home so soon, but I finally had to accept that God’s timing is not mine. Who’s to say if Mike had been on base that he wouldn’t have been killed in an attack there. Life is too short to ask thewhat ifs.”
“That’s an amazing testimony.” Kate wiped at her eyes. “You’re a strong woman.”
Janie snorted. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew me better. Just because I’ve accepted Mike’s death, doesn’t mean I’ve dealt with it. It’s hard trying to discover who I am without him because I don’t want to be without him. I cry at the drop of a hat, I panic over dumb stuff, and I lay in bed until all hours of the night wondering who will take a dead mouse out for me if there’s one in the trap.” She choked on a self-effacing laugh. “And you know the craziest part of it. I don’t even have any mousetraps set.”
Kate erupted into a full laugh and held a hand over her mouth until she stopped. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t think I’m laughing at you or making light of your grief at all. I doubt I could even function at all if Luke died. But the mouse part—that happened to me last month. Luke was at a conference, and I came home to find a dead one on the kitchen floor.”
“What did you do?” Janie grimaced. Bugs and creepy crawlers, even snakes, she could handle, but rodents were an absolute no.
“Ran outside and called my dad. I wouldn’t go back in until he came and got rid of it.”
“At least you had him to come to your rescue.” Picturing the scene, she laughed, knowing she’d have done the same, and sent an urgent text to Jared or Evan, or knocked on a neighbor’s door.
“It’s pretty humbling to know a mouse can bring you to your knees, isn’t it?”
“Right?” She wiped away the tears of mirth. “Thanks for sharing the story. I needed that laugh.”
“Don’t tell Evan. He’ll never let me live it down.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
“It’s getting cold.” Kate stood from the swing. “Think Mom will let us near the kitchen yet?”
“We’ll aim for the living room.” She rubbed her numb hands as she rose. “After taking a detour for coffee.”
