“You can’t have ducks in your apartment.”
“Rubberducks!”
“Because that makes so much more sense.” I groaned in frustration as I sat down on his neatly made bed. The smell of his favorite fabric softener hit my nose, and I sighed a soft sigh. “What was that?”
Of course Moira had heard it. “I just sat down on his bed. The rubber ducks are next to it.” I realized that probably made even less sense than the ducks. “He talks to the rubber ducks when he’s coding. It’s some debugging thing. He’s done it for as long as I’ve known him, but he doesn’t have any ofhisducks at my place. He doesn’t have much of anything at my place, so I’m grabbing him a few things.”
“His ducks?”
“He’s got a few on the boat and a blanket his grandmother made him.” My eyes scanned the room, looking for other little things I could bring to help him feel more comfortable. He worked from his apartment. He was always surrounded by his things, and my carefully curated aesthetic clearly was not helping unlock his coding genius. “I think I might grab a few of the pictures of his friends so they’re surrounding him, too.” There was an old picture of them from our high school graduation in a frame and another of them that looked more recent. My eyes landed on a few books with cracked spines. “A few books, maybe? Do you think that would help him feel more at home?”
“You realize that’s one step away from moving him in, right?” Moira questioned. I could hear the sounds of the city around her, people chattering away and horns honking, and for a single, brief moment, I missed it. Except if I were there, I wouldn’t have reconnected with Matt. “Babe, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”
“Like what?”
“Thisinwith someone. Wes had to practically beg you—”
“Nope. We’re not talking about Wes.” I didn’t want to hear comparisons between my asshole ex and the amazing man I had waiting for me at home. There were no comparisons to be made. They were apples and oranges, and comparing them felt wrong. Comparing how they made me feel felt wrong. “They’re nothing alike.”
“And how you feel about them is nothing alike?” I nodded, even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “I like this for you.”
“I like it for me, too,” I confessed. “So, books? Do you think the books here will help him feel more at home?”
“How often does he go to the boat?”
I didn’t have an answer for that. The bedding still smelled like his fabric softener, so clearly, he visited often enough to change the sheets. I looked down at the books again. None of the titles sounded familiar, and I hadn’t even seen him look at the books on my shelf. “I don’t think I need to bring the books.” My eyes landed on his dresser. “Might grab him a few shirts.”
Moira and I talked a little longer while I gathered a few old shirts, the ducks, the blanket, and pictures and stuffed them in some of the plastic bags he kept under his sink. I had been on the boat for a lot longer than I planned. I locked the boat and made the scary shift from boat to dock again. Moira and I hung up as I got in my car, and I started toward Dana’s Diner. In high school, Matt had been obsessed with their potato soup. He’d said it was his comfort food of choice, and he made me take him there at least once a month for a bowl. I ordered the family size portion and headed back to my place.
Matt was still on the couch. He had all three yellow ducks in front of him along with the brightly colored ones his friends had given him the Thursday before.Gleewas playing on the television again. He was staring at the screen, but he wasn’t typing anything. He barely looked up when I entered the apartment. “Matt?”
He blinked a few times before looking over at me. I was suddenly reminded of finding him on the floor of his apartment, surrounded by his army of ducks. It was just as terrifying now as it was then, and I wondered if it would stay that terrifying as our relationship continued. I was surprised by how much I wanted our relationship to progress. In past relationships, I always felt like I was just along for the ride. I didn’t know how to move it forward, and everything always felt so forced.
Nothing felt forced with Matthew.
“I brought dinner. Laptop closed. Put the ducks away. You’re done for tonight, okay?”
He looked at the screen of his computer and back up at me. I waited as he pressed a few buttons and closed his laptop. He put it on the table and lined his ducks up on top of it. “What’s for dinner?”
“Potato soup from Dana’s.”
His eyes widened with excitement before settling on the Dana’s bag. They moved to the other bags I was carrying. “What’s that?”
“Presents.” He wiggled on the couch like an overly excited puppy. It was possibly one of the cutest things I’d ever seen in my life. It took every ounce of restraint to walk past him and into the kitchen. I prepared two bowls of soup and returned. Matt was still sitting on the couch, staring after me with excitement in his dark eyes. “Eat your soup first.”
“Nooooo,” he whined. “Soup after presents.”
I laughed and gave in, passing him the first bag. He pulled out the crocheted blanket and draped it over his lap immediately. He smiled brightly when he pulled out the tee shirts and pictures. “For you to put up around here so it feels a bit more like home,” I told him as he studied the framed photographs.
The last bag had the ducks, and the excited sound made it all worth it. It made me feel better about breaking and entering. Itmade the scary space between the boat and dock worth it. “My ducks,” he whispered. “You went to the boat and got my ducks?”
“You needed them. Like you said, the new ducks aren’t helping.”
Our soup was ignored as he leaned over and kissed me so hard that I felt it down to the tips of my toes.
13
“You’relivingwithhim.Why are you texting him?” Holden asked when I pulled out my phone again.
