For someone who claimed he didn’t usually hook up, he seemed to have an insatiable sex drive with me.
No wonder he passed out so easily at night.
Things shifted once the work week started. Monday, he was still working on his laptop when I got home. On Tuesday, the tension in his shoulders was almost palpable. Wednesday, he was watchingGlee. Unless things had changed since high school, that show was nothing but a red flag for him. He watched it when he was stressed or anxious or pissed off. He’d told me once that there was something almost soothing in the chaos, which I personally couldn’t understand. When I was stressed out, the last thing I wanted was more chaos, but it seemed to work for him.
The fact that he didn’t turn it off when I got home was another red flag. I suffered through two episodes while he tapped away on his computer, muttering under his breath, and barelyacknowledging me or the bright yellow rubber duck sitting on the couch next to him, beak facing the couch. When he slammed the lid on his laptop shut and swore loudly, I decided I could no longer ignore the big blaring musical elephant in the room.
I reached for the remote on the table and paused the show. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do it,” he announced. “I can’t code anymore. None of it makes sense. Nothing I do is working. This duck,” he picked up the duck and glared at it like it had personally insulted his parents and his entire family line, “is useless. I need my ducks and my apartment, and I need to figure out—Fuck!”
I inched myself toward him on the couch and carefully rescued the duck from his hand. After I put it on the table, I took his computer and let it join the bright yellow bird. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Yes,” he snapped. “Except I don’t think you would understand. I want to talk to my ducks, but they’re trapped in my apartment, and I can’t get to them, and I have a deadline, and I’m going to pull my hair out of my skull.”
“Don’t do that, baby. You do not have the skull shape to pull off the bald look.”
“Noah!” he hissed. “That is not the point.”
“No, the point is you’re freaking out over nothing. You have always been amazing at what you do.”
“Until this project. I can’t figure it out, and it’s driving me up the wall,” he groaned.
I covered his hand in mine. “What can I do to help you?” Obviously, I couldn’t help him with the technical parts of his job, but there had to be something that I could do. I hated this feeling of helplessness, of not being able to do anything to support my boyfriend in his time of need.
“I just need to focus.” He looked over at his laptop and then back up at me. His eyes traced slowly up my body, and I couldalmost feel it like a tangible caress. “And I think you looking like that…” His voice trailed off. “Any way you could go out and grab us dinner? I can try to be done by the time you get back? I just need to figure out this bit of code so I can reach my milestones.”
I tugged at the front of his shirt, pulling him closer to me so I could steal a kiss. His mouth parted immediately, and I knew that if I wanted, I could fully distract him away from his project. But that would be the opposite of helpful, even if it did help him relax. I pulled away before the kiss could deepen before the inferno that liked to flare to life between us could consume us entirely. “I am going to hunt and gather. You are going to do your code.” I gave him another quick kiss. He moved after my lips, chasing them down. I bounced off the couch with a laugh. “Nope, you’re going to code. I’ll be home later.”
Home.
I liked the sound of that, even if it was all temporary. It felt comfortable.
Except not for him.
An idea formed in my head. There were three key rings on the hook: mine, his, and the single key to his boat. He’d grabbed it when he’d gone to get his essentials the week before. I pocketed the boat key alongside mine and left Matt to his work.
Fifteen minutes later, I was pulling up in front of the marina. One of the problems he’d listed were the ducks. I couldn’t go back to his apartment and get one of the bins of ducks for him, but I knew where he had a few ducks. I’d seen them the day we’d spent together, lining the shelf over the bed of the boat. He had a few other comfort items there too, things that he might not have thought about but might make him feel a little more at peace at my place.
I drew in a deep breath as I stepped over the gap between the dock and the boat. Without Matt’s hand to help me, the gap seemed terrifying and large. I was convinced I was going to fallinto the water all the way up until the point where both of my feet were firmly planted on the stern of his boat. I used the key to unlock the sliding door and stepped on board.
It felt weird to be on Matt’s boat without him, like I was intruding on his private space. I needed to get in and get out.
So, of course, that was the moment my phone chose to go off. I pulled it out of my pocket, expecting it to be Matt and for him to somehow know where I was. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Moira’s name scrawled across the screen instead of Matt’s. “Question: is it breaking and entering if you have the key?” I asked after we got pleasantries out of the way and I made sure she wasn’t calling for any reason other than boredom on her walk home from her office.
“Context needed before I can render a verdict there, No.”
“Can I pretend your answer is just no?”
“Nope,” she answered, popping her lips on the P for added emphasis. “Spill.”
I walked down the steps to the kitchen and bedroom areas of the boat. Nothing had changed since I’d been there a few weeks before. Nothing except for me. A few weeks ago, I never would’ve been able to foresee that I’d be here. Not only on the boat, but back in a relationship with Matt. I’d never have predicted that he’d be staying with me or that I’d be going out of my way to help him de-stress with anything other than orgasms.
“I’m on Matt’s boat, and Matt is at my apartment. I stole his key.”
“You stole the key to his boat? You realize I’m in New York, right? I can’t just bail you out if you get arrested for Grand Theft Boat.”
“I’m not stealing his boat!” If she’d given me half a moment to explain before interrupting me, I would have explained it already. “He’s stressed out at work, and he needs his ducks.”
