I tilt my head as I consider that and decide to offer an almost-stranger a small shard of my fractured self. The words spill from my mouth as easily as tears from a newborn.
“My fear was so great, I don’t know if I’m capable of dreaming anymore. Instead of adventure and dreams, I have poison in my blood and nightmares in my soul.”
The heavy silence that follows presses in on me, and I can sense the intensity of Nikolas’s scrutiny burning the side of my face. The weight of his gaze settles upon my chest like a heavy stone, making each breath shallow and labored. A rapid drumbeat starts to echo in my ears, the sound growing louder and more chaotic with each passing moment.
“We don’t get to choose the things that happen to us, Starling. Those decisions lie solely in fate,” he finally replies, and the weight shatters as quickly as it descended. “What we do get to choose is how we respond to them. Whether we stay the same or let them change us.”
“A captain and a wise man,” I say with a bitter chuckle. “Who would have thought?”
My eyes drift back to the covered cage on the deck as his words bury themselves deep within my mind. My gaze doesn’t shift until the setting sun burns the sky and the Sorrows loom on the horizon.
The Sorrows are just asI remember them—untouched by the relentless passage of time. The isles and waterways are still bustling with life under the baking heat of the setting sun while the aroma of grilled octopus and crisp citrus lingers in the air. Whitewashed buildings with blooming bougainvillea spilling over balconies and grapevines crawling up trellis walls. At the center of it all, the Palace of Sorrows is cast in its usual golden glow, light catching and reflecting off the windows of the towers that rise above the other structures. The same white flags emblazoned with golden sea eagles flutter from the tops of the cerulean domes.
It’s surreal to see the world so familiar when I feel so irrevocably different.
A group of Nightwings meet us at the docks when we arrive, handling our cargo while we headed straight to our debrief with the Eagle.
We make our way through the Aviary halls in silence, avoiding the curious looks from other order members and the awestruck gazes of Fledglings. When we reach Lord Malis’s study, he’s already waiting for us.
The room is just as I remember it. Shelf-lined walls filled with old books and parchment scrolls, scattered candles casting flickering shadows, and the Eagle sitting at a heavy wooden desk.
“Take a seat,” he drawls, and I’m immediately reminded of the last time I was here, receiving this very assignment. My lip curls at the memory as Malis waves his hand at the scattered chairs.
As we each sit, he leans forward, steepling his hands in front of him as he casts that dead gaze around the room.
“It appears we have a surplus of Flight members here.”
I flinch as my heart cracks a little further. I wrap my fingers around the edge of my seat and squeeze. I will not lethimsee how deep my hurt goes.
“Eagle, the mission was compromised,” Raven speaks up. The failure of this mission is clear in the thickness of his voice. He clears his throat before continuing, “We split into two teams as directed: one for extraction and one to remain with Starling once she won the trials. However, after we left with the weapon, she was captured and taken for questioning.”
The silence that falls over the room in the wake of his words is so complete that I can hear my pulse as it pushes blood through my veins. I stare at the floor, noticing a deep gouge mark on the otherwise smooth floorboards. The grains of wood have splintered and scratched.
“Start from the beginning,” the Eagle commands.
Raven recounts the story from the moment we first set off onThe Nightingale.When he finishes with the initial group first arriving at the homestead, Myna takes over. She tactfully glosses over the details of my capture, providing enough information to hopefully not prompt further questions.
When she ends the report, we collectively hold our breath as the Eagle watches us. When his eyes sharpen on mine, I stare back with a deadened gaze of my own. I burrow deeper into my skin, shielding myself behind layers of tissue, muscle, and bone.
“I expected more of you, Starling.” Lord Malis scowls, disdain curling his lip. “Not only were you captured, but by allowing the others to rescue you, it has put the order and the Sorrows at even greater risk. You may as well have sung your confession of guilt.”
My jaw clenches, but I say nothing as the Eagle continues, “Despite that, your mission was a success, and the weapon is now in our hands. I will ensure that we use it effectively to keep the Sorrows and our people safe from whatever is to come.”
His words set off alarm bells in my head.
My mind flashes back to a clearing in a forest, a crumbling homestead, the unfamiliar weight of a sword in my hand, and a man on his knees as he gasps for air.
More will come.
I know Keres well enough to know he will not rest until he has revenge for our actions. We infiltrated his court, led him astray, and stole from him. He will come for us, just as his soldier claimed with his dying breath.
“Commander, stay behind.” The Eagle’s voice pulls me from my spiraling thoughts. “The rest of you are dismissed.”
My eyes flick toward Raven as I rise from my seat, but he stares ahead. If he perceives my attention, he ignores it.
I follow the others from the room, moving behind them so I’m the last to leave. When I step into the hall and pull the door closed, the others are already out of sight. Only Nyssa and Lark linger. Both wear matching angry frowns.
“Go on without me, Nyssa,” I say to my friend, casting my eyes between her and the door, giving her a meaningful look. “I need to speak with the Eagle.”
