“Hey.” Alexus’s voice brings me back to them. “Where’d you go?”
I shake my head, trying to force away the thoughts, trying so hard to cling to this, to Colden and Alexus.
“I think another bath is in order, princess,” Colden says. “If you’re up to magick.”
I nod, unsure if I am just yet, though after a while, I’m soaking my sore body in a tub while Colden and Alexus bathe me with loving hands.
Soon after, Alexus carries me to the bed where Colden awaits, pulling back the covers. We lie together beneath the blankets, naked, the way I’ve dreamed about for so long. As Alexus curves his big body behind me, Colden nestles close in front of me, the two of them holding me and kissing me like a treasure.
Sleep calls, but before we give in, they claim me one more time, individually and without a wish. Alexus goes first, taking me gently from behind as Colden kisses me and touches me. Then it’s Colden’s turn. He lifts my leg over his hip and penetrates with carefulness, moaning when he feels Alexus’s release inside me.
When it’s over, none of us can speak, and sleep finally wins the battle. I’m the last to give in, held between two men I think I could be in love with. Two men I wish I could have like this for always.
Two men who aren’t meant for me. No matter how hard I wish otherwise.
Three days later,having left the tavern and wishes behind, we reach the icy village of Reede.
Before today, we shared one more night together in an outskirt inn, a night not created by a magickal wish. It healed a worry inside me, a fear that I’d taken something I had no right to take.
The truth is that Alexus and Colden did want me. They still do. But the union and bond between us isn’t enough. For Alexus, I’m not certain anyone will ever be enough, not until he finds the right person, a soul mate. As for Colden. I think he doesn’t really know what he wants, and that he simply won’t know until the answer hits him like a sledgehammer, probably unexpectedly, with someone he never would’ve imagined himself falling in love with.
As we ride into Reede, my glamour is up, as it will have to remain from here on. Brennan and Shannon Dulevia, the local bowyers and my contacts here, greet us, aware that the king and the Collector were set to bring a friend to Reede to set up residence. Brennan and Shannon and all else who stand nearby, wearing mounds of fur from head to foot, bow when Colden dismounts.
“Please, there’s no need for that,” he tells them, longing for anonymity. “We’d like to get Miss Anrova out of the cold and settled in her lodgings. It’s been a long trip.”
“Of course, Your Highness,” Brennan says as Alexus helps me from my horse. “It’s just this way.”
Groomsmen take our animals, and a few younger boys, unaware that they’re in the presence of a king, lug our heavy packs behind us as we walk the snow-laden road that meanders through the village. The wind is bitter, biting enough to sting the skin. I never much liked the cold, but this village is small and far enough away from Winterhold that I won’t be so tempted to return.
Because I can’t return. Ever.
Brennan stops at a tiny stone cottage where smoke already billows from the chimney and opens the door. We follow him inside to find a quaint, one-room home with the barest necessities: a hearth with a kettle, a bed with a few thick, woven blankets, a trunk for clothes, fur rugs spread about the floor, and a small table and single chair.
Though the cottage is warm, my stomach tightens into a cold knot. This is a home, but it isn’tmyhome. My home is with Colden and Alexus, and yet the more I’m with them, the more dangerous I realize things become.
Because I would do anything for them. I would turn myself inside out for them, blacken my soul if it meant keeping them safe. As much as I love them, and I know that what I feel is love, I can’t lose my goodness for them. And I would. I’ve felt it stirring inside me for a long time, had too many dreams of myself killing in their name.
Love, for some, can make them thrive. For me, it’s a threat. No, a promise. A promise that I will turn myself into the mightiest weapon, a weapon unleashed without restraint, for the men who have captured my heart.
A very young boy—struggling with one of my packs—stares at me with wide gray eyes.
“Joran,” Brennan snaps. “Stop ogling. Run along.”
Joran and the other boys drop our things and leave while Brennan lights an oil lamp and turns to face us, a broad smile splitting his dark beard. “If I can get you anything, Miss Anrova, I live three cottages down. Shannon will enjoy having a new friend here.”
I smile as warmly as I can. All I see in my future are lies to kind people, a life of secrecy, aloneness, and a longing that can never be filled.
Brennan leaves us, and I face Colden and Alexus. I knew this time would come, but it feels more difficult now.
They lower their hoods at the same time, their handsome faces pink from the cold.
“You don’t have to do this, Petra,” Alexus says. He said this to me a dozen times before we left Winterhold.
“We can get right back on our horses and go home,” Colden adds.
That word again. Home. Winterhold. With them.
I strip off my gloves and bite my lip to stop the tears that have formed from falling. “I need distance from you two. The future I saw for myself was bleaker if I stayed with you than if I left. I need you to understand that. That I’m doing this for more people than myself.”
