Same old Ajax: first greet, then inquire. “Yeah, I’m okay. Okay, no, I’m not really. I need to talk to . . . I need to talk to you.”
“‘Bout fucking time you remembered I’d always be here for you.”
Everyone had said it, but Ajax and I had been friends since Ares took me in. It was on me that we’d grown apart. “I was hoping you still felt that way.”
“As if there’d ever be a doubt. What’s wrong?”
I stared at Jax’s image and was struck by how Zeke looked nothing like his oldest brother. Ajax looked like his father, and because neither of them aged, they were often confused for brothers. “I’m sure you’ve heard I’m in Minnesota with Zeke tracking down suspected Drevlin energy signals. Your brother’s brilliant, you know. He figured out how to find the source.”
“No surprise, Nugget has always been a nerd.”
Nugget?I had the feeling Zeke would not enjoy hearing Jax shared his childhood nickname with me. “Lael’s the one behind it all.”
“Holy shitballs, Ori. Are you okay?”
Jax’s expletives changed over the centuries, but they were always colorful. His question, however, was vague enough it gave me the opening I needed. “It’s complicated.”
“I’m sure. Tell me.”
Poor angel. First time in seventy years I’d reach out and I was going to rattle him in ways he hadn’t imagined. I took a deep breath and launched into recounting the shock of learning Lael was at the center of the illegal use of Drevlin technology.
Then I had to move on to the real purpose of the call.
“For seventy years, I let his betrayal control me, just like he had when we were together. It took years to overcome my broken heart. Yeah, I know he wasn’t always a good person, but right up until the end, I thought I could love him back into the person I thought he was when we met.”
“The key word there is ‘thought.’ He never was that person.”
Right after Lael left, people told me the same thing, and I didn’t want to hear it. Even a decade ago, I wouldn’t have believed them. The last ten years I’d come to realize the truth, but by then I’d descended into self-recrimination. “I know, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I told myself I should’ve seen the real Lael sooner. That’s what haunts me most. If I couldn’t see the rot setting in back then, how can I be sure of anything?”
“You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s bad decisions.”
“The worst part was I let him control me even after he left. For seventy years, I couldn’t move past him.”
“Damn, Ori. That’s some seriously fucked up shit, even for the likes of us.”
Jax was never a poet, but he could sum up a situation. “Learning it was him was a shock, but I’ve been over him for fifty years. This reinforces how stupid I was all those centuries.”
Ajax was silent for a long time, then he looked me in the eye. “I’m not gonna pretend I ever approved of Lael. We both know Ihad my issues with that guy from day one. But I’m damn glad to hear you’re over him.”
Meeting his steely gaze, I felt a swell of gratitude for Ajax’s steadfast friendship and support. No matter how much time passed, he’d remained loyal, ready to back me up even when my vision was clouded.
“That’s only half the problem.” I scrubbed my face with my hands. “I have feelings for Zeke.”
Ajax made a strangled gurgle of surprise but never took his eyes off me. “Nugget? You’re into Zeke?”
His disbelief threatened to sap my resolve, but I remembered the look of defeat on Zeke’s face when I said I needed some time to think. If I wanted to be worthy of his love, I needed to face my past and grab my future. “Yes. It’s not crazy, Jax.I’mnot crazy. Zeke is the last piece I need to reclaim who I was. He woke up parts of me Lael shut down. In four days he’s done more kind things for me than Lael did in a century. And they were all sincere. He didn’t do anything to impress me. It’s who he is at his core.”
Jax almost always trusted his gut. He gave you his unfiltered opinion on whatever you were discussing. His silence worried me. He paced the room until he turned and faced me. “Don’t do anything with Zeke unless you’re sure. Not just about your feelings but your commitment to seeing it through.”
My head pounded with the sheer mass of his existential words. Could I give myself fully to Zeke without fear of collapse? To not just love him but trust in that love, even in the face of whatever storms threatened to tear us asunder? The only answer I had was a will to try. “I understand, Jax. Why do you think we’re talking?”
“Do you, though?” Ajax pressed. “Because if you go down this path with Zeke, you damn well better be all in. And that meansbeing honest with him. No more compromising who you are just to please someone. He’s not Lael.”
I searched his familiar features, finding nothing but an open well of empathy and concern. He loved Zeke, but he also loved me the same way. This wasn’t just about his baby brother.
“I know he’s not. Zeke is more concerned about me than his own happiness. It took me by surprise.”
Silence reigned for several beats, the connection fraught with unspoken understanding. At last, Ajax let out a weighty sigh.
