“I made coffee,” he said, gesturing to the steaming pot. “Figured you might need it after everything today.”
Despite the turmoil still gnawing at me, I managed a smile at the considerate gesture. “You know me so well already.”
Silence fell as I poured myself a mug, the familiar aroma calming me even before I took a sip. Orion watched me over the rim of his own cup, seeming to debate something internally.
Finally, he cleared his throat. “Listen, Zeke. We should talk about what we saw at the farmhouse.”
It was an unexpected opening, but he seemed so reluctant. Had he been waiting for me this whole time?
“You don’t need to explain anything that makes you uncomfortable. I would like to talk about it, but that’s up to you.”
For a suspended moment, Orion simply studied me, thoughts and emotions flickering across his handsome features too quickly for me to decipher. At last, he straightened and set his empty mug in the sink.
“Thank you, Zeke,” he said, refusing to meet my gaze. “I think I’ll go for a run to clear my head a bit. We can talk when I get back if that’s okay?”
I tried not to let my disappointment show as those words seared into my heart. “Sure. I should file my report to Michael as soon as possible.”
He stopped in the doorway. “I’m sorry about all this, Zeke. More than you know.”
Through a heroic effort, I kept in the sharp stab of pain from his words. I didn’t need to talk to know he’d made up his mind about whatever might potentially have been brewing between us. And that decision didn’t involve any romantic entanglement, no matter what encouragement Dad had offered.
Swallowing hard, I set my half-finished coffee aside and pulled up the holo-display. I’d been sent here to do a job, not fall in love. Dictating my report in clinical detail, I glossed over the unexpected personal revelations, focusing solely on the concrete data.
As I summarized the situation, I allowed the full weight of the mission to settle back onto my shoulders. Work mode was always a go-to whenever I was embroiled in an emotionally messy case. This time the emotions were more personal and the stakes higher, but the comfort of routine still helped me detach from everything but the facts.
At least for a while.
Orion
My feet pounded against the pavement as I ran through the quiet suburban neighborhood surrounding the safe house. The late afternoon sunlight cast long shadows across the pristine lawns and tidy houses. An outward facade of tranquility belied the roiling tempest brewing inside me.
It had been a tense, emotional afternoon. After Zeke and I had our heart-to-heart, I had hope we’d take it further. I had doubts, but not about Zeke. Then Hell’s gates opened, and my personal demon returned.
How could Lael be behind these Drevlin machines? What could he hope to accomplish? Why would he traffic in such foul technology? These questions and more ricocheted through my brain like shrapnel.
Had he been planning this for decades while still with me? Was our entire relationship built on deception and betrayal? The possibility twisted like a dagger in my gut. I couldn’t bear the thought of having been so blind, so thoroughly duped by the person I loved more than anything.
And yet, how did the alternative make me feel any better? If Lael’s defection was more recent, did that mean our centuries together had rotted his soul and poisoned it over time? Wasit my failure that turned his love into the hatred fueling his vengeance against Michael and the others?
My chest burned, but not from the exercise. My legs pumped harder in a futile attempt to escape the past. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn’t leave behind what had happened and punch through to the present. The stricken look on Zeke’s face as the truth about Lael dawned on him created a barrier I couldn’t breach. He’d helped me move closer to healing, only to see it crumble when my prior life crashed into us.
The sting of shame mingled with the sweat in my eyes. Zeke didn’t deserve my withdrawal. Not after the vulnerability he’d shown in sharing his own romantic scars with me. I wanted to help him grow, help us grow, but instead I shut him out when things got difficult.
But it was more than that. My heart recognized the depth of feelings I’d begun developing for Zeke. That relentless tide of yearning and affection I’d been battling to keep at bay threatened to consume me completely.
Zeke awakened parts of my soul I thought died when Lael left, but in truth they’d gone dormant centuries before that horrible day. I craved his kindness and compassion, his will to help, and his upbeat outlook. Zeke had this way about him that cut straight through the darkness inside, bathing the withered bits of my heart in a rejuvenating light.
My fears, however, held me back. I was terrified to let myself love Zeke as fiercely as my heart demanded. I’d scaled the heights love allowed, only to be hammered by pain I couldn’t stop when it shredded apart. I didn’t think my soul could withstand a second rending.
Slowing to a walk, I wiped the perspiration from my brow. I needed clarity and a reasonable voice to guide me before I self-destructed again. After seventy years of isolation, I’d pushed away most everyone who mattered. Who was left?
I nearly abandoned the idea when the realization struck me that those closest to me hadn’t turned their backs. I had. If I could handle the shame, those who loved me before would help me heal.
Pivoting, I moved into an open field, and ran toward a small grove of trees. Away from prying eyes, I tapped my watch and sent out a long-overdue cry for help.
The seconds felt like hours as I waited in anxious fear for him to answer. When his smiling face appeared above my watch, I felt hopeful for the first time in decades.
“Ori? I’ll be fucking damned.” His entire body materialized in front of me. “Are you okay?”
