But he doesn’t.
“No,” I whisper under my breath and I can feel Ryen snake her finger through mine. But I have to go.
I take off from my spot in the stands and push through everyone standing. I know they won’t let me on the field but I have to be down there.
I get to the steps and fly down, opening the gate and attempting to run through but I’m stopped.
“Miss, you can’t be out there.” The security guard holds his hand up to me, but I need to see Zach.
“Please, I- he’s my boyfriend.” I see the security guard look past me and I turn around to see Zach’s family and my family standing behind me.
“I’m sorry, I can’t allow it.”
“Please,” I beg, tears falling down my cheeks.
“She’s okay!” I hear someone shout and as we turn to look at the field, it’s my brother.
I can tell the security guard is still hesitant, because really he shouldn’t take instructions from anyone else, but he shrugs his shoulders heavily and gives in.
“Okay, but only two of you,” he tells us and I turn to look at Zach’s parents. His father nods at me as he pushes his wife—or soon-to-be-ex—toward me. She reaches me and grabs my hand as we make our way hastily to the field.
We get toward the sideline and we have to push through a few players to get out to the front. The medic and other team managers are next to Zach and as we start to jog toward him, we’re stopped.
“Give them some space please,” one of the coaches says, but my eagerness to push through only grows. Though I don’t argueas I focus my attention on Zach who seems to be moving just a little now.
“What are they saying?” his mom asks as she looks out, worried for her son. I’m about to lose it, I can’t imagine how she must feel.
The team huddles behind us as the coach tries to console Zach’s mom, but my eyes don’t leave him. I can see his hands twitch and he finally opens his eyes all the way. I want to shout his name, to let him know I'm here but I don’t want to interrupt whatever the injury specialist is working on. And then I see the stretcher.
“No!” I shout, but I don’t know why. Maybe because it solidifies that something is wrong. Maybe evenreallywrong. The whole stadium goes dead silent as they all watch Zach being loaded onto the stretcher and as soon as they have him secured, the team starts to walk toward him to wave him off and that’s when I turn to the coach.
“Can I?” I ask and he nods his head.
I make my way over, impatiently waiting for the boys to make room, and once there’s space for me to get through, I step up to Zach.
He’s smiling as he acknowledges his teammates; a smile is good. And then he sees me and I can see something shift in his eyes. A sadness, regret even.
Tears falls down my cheek but I know I don’t have much time before they have to take him off the field.
I reach for his hand and he takes it; that’s good too.
“Cadie,” he whispers and I can tell he at least got the air knocked out of him.
“You’re gonna be okay,” I tell him as I bring his hand up to my lips and press a gentle kiss over them. He smiles at me, but then I’m told I have to step back so they can leave.
I don’t want to let go, but I know he’s going to be alright. Before they take him, before I drop his hand, I step in and look him in his eye.
“It can’t be anyone but you, Zach. It’s always been you,” I whisper, and then he’s gone.
I cry, letting the tears fall down my face as I watch them take him toward the lockers rooms. The teams start cleaning the field but I just stand and watch. He’s going to be okay, but watching that, witnessing him not moving and unsure of what was wrong, was the scariest feeling of my life.
It felt like losing him.
“You really love him, don’t you?” I turn, sniffing into my sweater as I look up to see my brother.
I nod my head, the tears getting heavier now as my brother looks at me. He holds his arms out and pulls me into his chest. “Yes, Brayden I do and I’m so sor-”
“Shh,” he whispers as he hugs me close. “Don’t be sorry, Cade. If anything, I’m the one who’s sorry.”
