And now, I don’t know what I’ll do if I’m not able to play college ball. I guess there is still time, so I’m trying not to be too hard on myself about it. But I can’t help but worry because I don’t really have a backup plan if this doesn’t work out. That’s why I need to stay focused.
I finish my run on the treadmill, trying to fulfil the rest of my workout since Coach cut practice short. I grab my towel and sling it over my shoulder before picking up my water bottle from the bench and at the same time, I see my phone screen light up.
It’s a text message from Cadence.
A small grin curls on my lips; my mind travels to earlier today, seeing her in the hall as we walked past each other in school.Something we do often but lately, it's been different. I've been noticing her a lot more than I want to, than I'm used to and I just can’t seem to keep my eyes off her. I had to practically force myself to look away from her during lunch. It’s been damn near impossible to not look at her. Not to think about her. Not to feel something for her.
It’s dangerous. And I haven’t really been able to explore that thought before. I never dared to. So, it’s kind of bold of me to allow them to brew now knowing that nothing can ever come of it.
But she's always just there and I'm finding it harder and harder to keep denying the truth.
Hey, I’m bored.
I chuckle.That’s random.Maybe she meant to send it to someone else and sent it to me by mistake. Though, if that’s the case, then who did she mean to send it to? I don’t know why I find myself feeling a bit curious and maybe even bothered by that thought. But regardless, the text landed in my inbox so I might as well use it to my advantage.
lol okay. What do you want me to do about that?
I text her back before picking up the rest of my things and climbing the stairs up from the basement to the main level of my house. My parents aren’t home, they work long and busy hours; my mom as a nurse and my dad as a lawyer. But even if they were home, I likely wouldn’t be. I’m just as busy with school and football. And just so I didn’t need to rely on my parents for the things I want or need, I also work when I can down at the auto shop with Trayvon, the best tight end ever to hit Harper High’sfields. His dad owns the shop, B-Right Auto, so whenever there’s down time during summer and the off-season, a few of us guys usually end up there.
My parents have given me literally everything I could have ever dreamed of, especially coming from the situation I was rescued from. I never knew my birth father and the last time I saw the woman who carried me for nine months was supposedly the day she abandoned me in that apartment. I don’t remember her at all, so really, my adoptive parents could have just told me I was their birth child and I’d believe it. But they took on roles as foster parents because they couldn’t conceive of their own. I was lucky to end up with them, lucky they chose me. For a while when I was young, I thought I’d never be loved again and that’s not something any child should have to believe. I thought I’d always have people who’d come into my life and then leave me. And when they took me in and made the decision to adopt me, it was like the stars aligned and everything made sense. I had to go through what I did to land on the right path. Finally, I had a family who loved me and who didn’t plan on leaving me.
And then Sophie came along. She was their miracle baby. They were told they’d never be able to have kids so when they got pregnant with her, it just felt more and more like everyone was where they were meant to be. Everything was working out.
But then she was gone. The accident took that away. It was the hardest day of my life. That whole year sucked. It still sucks. One day, everything was happy and bright, nothing could go wrong. And then in a blink of an eye, it’s like the lights to the world were shut off. Sometimes, they still feel dim. Like it will never be bright enough again. There are only a few things I cling to these days that help me feel less empty. Football and…
Idk I just thought I’d tell you.
A text from Cadence comes through and even though I was headed for the shower, I stop to respond to her.
Okay then haha. How was school?
Fine, I guess. I’m glad I’m home now.
How long you plan to be there for?
Not long actually. Ryen and I are going shopping for this party we’re going to this weekend. And then of course we'll be at the game.
Wait… Bray’s party?
Yes, sir. We decided to watch the movie a different time.
Well, I’m glad you’ll be going.
What are you going to wear?
Umm idk yet. I don’t really want to dress up but you know Bray is making a big deal about it since it’s his eighteenth birthday and all.
He’s dumb.
Maybe I can help.
Help what?
Shit. I don’t know why I said that. I’m not really thinking. It’s kind of hard to when having a conversation with her like this feels natural even if it isn’t something normal for us. But something calms me a bit when I’m talking to her, something that kind of feels like this quiet hope. Like the big, difficult shit doesn’t matter much.
I look at myself in the mirror, standing in the bathroom as the water I started a moment ago runs. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I know that I have no business entertaining whatever this is with Cadence. But if anything, I can still be a friend to her. And friends help other friends decide what to wear to parties, right? Forget that she already stated she was going with Ryen.
I type out my response.
