“Do you?”
I want to say yes. Want to tell him this was a mistake and it can’t happen again and we need to keep things professional for the boys’ sake. But the lie won’t come.
He pushes off the wall and moves toward the kitchen without touching me. Without looking back. I stay in the hallway until I remember how to breathe normally.
The rest of the visit I can’t go near him. I busy myself with dishes that don’t need washing. Wipe down counters that are already clean.
Through the doorway, I can see Cassian helping the boys frost cookies. Finn gets more frosting on his shirt than the cookies. Liam concentrates with his tongue between his teeth. Cassian laughs at something Finn says and the sound carries through the house and settles in my chest.
At five, Julian appears to end the visit. The boys protest like always. Finn wants five more minutes. Liam asks if Cassian can stay for dinner. He tells them no but promises to come back Wednesday. They hug him goodbye and run off to show Nadia their cookies.
I walk him to the door because avoiding it would be obvious.
We stop in the foyer. Julian’s back in his study. We’re alone.
“Wednesday,” Cassian says.
“Wednesday,” I echo.
We stand there and the air crackles with everything we’re not saying.
Then he’s gone and I’m alone with my pulse still racing and my mouth still remembering the taste of him.
That night, sleep doesn’t come.
I lie in bed and replay the kiss. His hands on my waist. His mouth on my neck. The desperate way we came together like we’d been starving and finally found food.
This is dangerous.
Everything was working. The boys are comfortable with him now. The supervised visits are building trust. Julian’s terms are protecting everyone.
And I kissed their father in the hallway like none of that matters.
I turn over and press my face into the pillow.
If Julian finds out he’ll restrict access. Make the visits shorter or less frequent. Maybe end them entirely until things settle.
If the boys sense something between us they’ll get confused. Start building fantasies about their parents getting together.
If Cassian thinks this means more than it does?—
But what if it does mean more? What if six years didn’t kill what started on that plane? What if I’ve spent six years lying to myself about what I feel for him?
I turn over again and stare at the ceiling.
My body still remembers where he touched me. Still wants his hands back on my skin.
I don’t fall asleep until almost dawn.
The twins wake me two hours later asking for breakfast. I drag myself downstairs and make pancakes on autopilot while they argue about whether superheroes could beat dragons.
Finn notices I’m moving slower than usual. “Mam, are you sick?”
“No, baby. Just tired.”
“You look tired.”
“Thanks for noticing.”
