“I’m already graduating a year early and with honors.”
“You need to make sure you get that valedictorian achievement.” I nodded my head. “That is what we should be focusing on, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” I agreed with him.
“That’s my girl,” he said with a smile. “Now close my door on the way out.”
I turned and started to walk out. “I’m glad you decided against that ridiculous ball thing.” I reached for the handle of the door. “It’s a much better look being the valedictorian than a debutante, don’t you think?”
“Yes, Father,” I replied softly, turning to see him pick up his glasses and put them back on.
“Love you, Kylie,” he said the words and for the first time, I didn’t repeat it back.
I walked into my room and that was the day my house of cards started to crumble. It was that day when I knew, love was not something that you could be freely given. I knew love was only given when I did something that he accepted. I knew love was something I hadn’t been truly given in my whole life, and I knew it was not something I ever wanted to find or get. Because it meant sacrificing the things you wanted. The things you chose for yourself. If you found love, then you had the chance of it being ripped away from you. And that hurt more than not having it at all.
It was also the day I started to break free from the hold he had on me. I shielded myself and made sure no one knew what made me happy. No one knew what I really wanted or needed so that it couldn’t be taken away. I put on a smile and pretended. The façade of it all. The façade that we had the perfect family.
I wipe the tear away, and turn on my back, grabbing the remote from the side of my bed, ignoring the loneliness that had seeped in tonight. “Tomorrow will be a new day and it will be better.” I turn the television on and flip through the guide to the streaming service, falling asleep to a documentary about whales. “Tomorrow,” I repeat to myself.
fifteen
Knox
“Knox,” she whispers my name as she pants. “Knox.” Her arms wrap around my shoulder as I push her against the shower wall. Her legs are wrapped around my waist, my cock buried inside of her. The water cascades on my back. “Faster,” she begs me, “harder.” I move my cock out of her and then ram it into her again. “That’s it.” Her mouth is by my ear, and I can feel her breathing into it. “Right.” I suck her neck, tasting her and the water. “There.”
“Daddy.” I hear my name being called and I open my eyes. “Daddy, can I sleep with you?” I feel the bed dip a bit beside me as Nora climbs into it with me. “It’s not dark outside.” She comes to say in my face and my eyes finally focus. I’m in the middle of my bed on my stomach, the dream floating away from me as Nora continues, “Daddy, after when you get up, can you make me pancakes?”
“Yeah,” I mumble, not moving because I’m not ready to fully wake up from my dream yet and have reality settle in. “What time is it?” I ask her and she looks over, grabbing my phone from the bedside table.
“Eight, four, and two,” she tells me the numbers. “Can I play on your phone?”
“Yeah.” I turn away from her as she lays down on the pillow beside mine. “You can.”
I close my eyes again and see Kylie’s face flash behind my lids. But it’s not like it was a couple of seconds ago. No, it’s the glare after I told her not to go near my kids. I don’t even know why the fuck I said what I said. I just know I shouldn’t have said it. I walked into the room and was taken aback by how she was on the floor with Nora. As if sitting on the floor was something she did all the time. I’ve never even seen Josephine get down on the floor with our daughter. It shocked and surprised me, and I should have taken the time to count to ten or something before I spewed that shit to her.
Nora plays some video on the phone and I close my eyes, seeing if I can drift off again. I’m having a hard time getting the images of Kylie out of my head, so instead, I throw the thick white cover off me and head to the bathroom. “Daddy, are you up?” I look over my shoulder at Nora in my bed with a huge smile on her face.
“Yeah,” I tell her, “I’m going to the bathroom and then we’ll go downstairs.”
“Okay,” she chirps, turning her eyes back to her video as I walk into the bathroom. I walk over to the sink, turn on the cold water, and then splash some on my face. I brush my teeth and spend way too much time in the bathroom, grabbing a pair of shorts and putting them on over my boxers.
As soon as I walk out of the bathroom, Nora bounces up on the bed onto her feet and jumps twice. “I’m hungry.”
“Of course you are,” I say and she jumps another time before bouncing on her butt and then getting off the bed. She runs over to me, and I hold out my arms for her to jump into them. It’s something she does often, but I know it’ll only be a matter of time before she stops.
I walk out of my bedroom and see the doors of the boys’ rooms are still closed and we turn and walk down the steps to the kitchen. I walk over to the family room, off the kitchen, and place her on the couch there. She unwraps her legs and gets onto the couch, grabbing the throw blanket and reaching for her iPad and then the remote. I grab a separate remote and open the shades in the kitchen, then the family room, before heading to the kitchen and starting the coffee.
“Pancakes?” I ask her, making sure she didn’t change her mind in the five minutes since she asked for them.
“Yup,” she confirms, not even turning around.
“Do you want to help me?” I ask her, stepping into the walk-in pantry and grabbing the ingredients.
“No,” she says, “my legs are too tired.”
“Then you should have stayed in bed,” I tell her as I place the mixing bowl and the pancake mix on the counter.
“My legs are tired, not my eyes.” Her comeback makes me laugh and shake my head.
