They laugh as I walk with them to the parking garage, trying not to let Knox’s words get to me. Trying to push them to the back of my mind, until I’m in the safety of my own house and I can break down.
I get into the back seat of the SUV and look out the window as we drive to the small diner we usually hit up after the games. I order a milkshake and steal a French fry from Kirby and an onion ring from Lexi.
They drop me off at my apartment and I get out, waving them goodbye before walking in. I head up to my apartment and open the door, seeing the light coming from the living room.
I kick off my sneakers at the front door before walking in and heading straight to my room, exhausted from pretending like Knox’s words didn’t get to me. I walk past the bed and into the walk-in closet. Slipping out of the jacket and hanging it up, I watch the first tear land on my foot.
“The last thing they need is someone who is being nice to them just because she wants their father’s cock.”
His voice comes into my brain louder and louder. I would never, and I mean never, use children to get to anyone. The thought alone sickens me, especially after everything I went through in my own childhood.
I walked into the suite before the game with Ariella and Lexi.
Nora was the first one to run up to us and shout Lexi’s name like they were long-lost friends reuniting after not seeing each other for years. Lexi sang back and I smiled at the little girl. The minute she looked at me, I knew exactly who her father was. I didn’t need to see the number on the back of her jersey or the word Daddy written across it. She was the spitting image of her father. Or at least I thought she was until I met Vincent, and it was as if Knox literally cloned himself. Westley was a good mixture of both, not that I knew what his ex-wife looked like, but he had similar features to his father.
“We are going to go down and get a puck,” she chirped happily, and I was drawn to her carefree manner.
“Hi,” I said to her when she looked over at me, “I’m Kylie.” I held up my hand.
“You’re pretty,” she said, and I couldn’t help the smile that filled my face.
“Not as pretty as you.” I took my finger and bopped her nose, making her laugh. She got down. When it was time to go and watch the guys skate around, I wanted to hang back,
but Nora came over to me. “It’s going to be fun, Kylie,” she assured me in her sweet voice, “and maybe Kirby will give you a puck.”
I held her hand as the babysitter followed behind us, and the minute Knox skated out, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like something was on my chest and I was fighting for every single breath I was taking. I turned away as quickly as I could before he looked our way, and then it happened. Our eyes met and my breathing ultimately felt like it stopped.
“Fuck him,” I tell myself as I slip off my jeans and toss them into the laundry basket before taking off my shirt. I open my pajama drawer and pull out a pair of shorts and matching cami.
I turn off the lights and slip into the bed. The heavy duvet is over me as I lay my head on the pillow and look over at the window in my bedroom. The skyline is filled with stars and the moon looks like it’s barely there.
Another tear leaks out as it falls to my pillow, and it’s not Knox’s voice I hear this time. No, it’s a voice I’ve long since deemed the devil’s.
I had just turned seventeen and it was going to be a big year for me. I was graduating a full year early and, on top of that, it was the year I would finally be coming out as a debutante.
It was something I was looking forward to since I turned twelve and my friend Silvia’s sister, Simone, did it. I couldn’t fucking wait. Every single year it was a countdown to the big ball. My mother knew how excited I was, and my father, well my stepfather who adopted me after he married my mother when I was young, knew how excited I was too. I had a whiteboard in my room with the types of dresses I wanted to get. The way I wanted my hair styled.
I walked into his home office as he sat behind his big wooden desk. “Hey, Dad,” I said, knocking on the door before I stepped in. No one just barged into an office unless they were raised in a barn and had no manners. Or at least that is what I was taught.
“You may enter,” he said, taking off his glasses and turning in his chair. “What can I do for you?” He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. He never greeted me with a smile or a hug, something I didn’t know wasn’t normal.
“I wanted to ask you…” I said, suddenly feeling nervous. “Well, actually—” I put my hands in front of me and wrung them. “I was wondering if you gave some thought to who you could ask to nominate me to the debutante committee.”
He looked at me. “The debutante committee,” he repeated the words as if he had never heard them before. Like I hadn’t spent the last five years leading up to this moment.
“I’m seventeen now,” I remind him, “and it’s—” I stopped talking when he held up his hand.
“Kylie,” he said my name, “how would it look if my daughter is among all those other girls?” He looked at me and I felt my heart drop to the floor. “It would look like we are desperate for approval. My daughter isn’t going to be like all the rest.”
“No, it wouldn’t.” I shook my head. “It’s what all the girls do.”
“It’s not what my girl does,” he said, and I felt the tears coming. Felt them itching at my eyes, stinging at my nose, but I fought them, because tears were a waste of time and energy. You needed to put that time and energy into something else that was more important.
“Kylie,” he tapped his finger on the desk, “you stand out already.” I had to bite my lip to make it stop quivering. “Everyone already says you light up a room when you enter it. I’m the envy of all my friends. You don’t need a debutante ball for that.”
“But—”
“Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t do it?” he countered. “It would get them way more interested in who you are than if you did it. It’s meaningless.” I swallowed down the lump. “You need to focus on school.”
