We both close our eyes for a moment of silence that almost makes my heart get out of my chest.
He distances a little from me, making me lose a small part of his warmth, but he still stays close, looking at me with candour.
“Back to Marshall," he says, clearing his throat. “I saw how he stole your gaze as soon as he stepped into the restaurant, and I didn’t wanna ruin the pure and happy state you had. I was there, but you didn’t see me. I stayed hidden under myprotectivehoodie,” he sadly laughs. “I didn’t wanna be the reason you were unhappy. Not again, because I didn’t know when the next time I needed to disappear for a while would be.”
“Why did you tell me that something was suspicious with Marshall?” I ask, making him sigh and carefully choose his words.
“I followed him after he left. I wanted to know what kind of man attracted you so hard, and if he was a trouble seeker like Blake and I were," he says, making us both smile. “I got out of the restaurant first to have a smoke to help me calm down because I didn’t manage to talk to you. The moment he stepped out of the restaurant, I looked at the expression on his face. It was fucking scary, Anmara. I don’t know how to explain how he was looking at a girl who wasn’t even 18," he says, and wipes the cascade that is already flowing from my eyes.
He continues talking while I’m following his glowing emeralds, as if he is trying to hold back his tears and not let them go.
“His eyes didn’t even reflect the feelings exposed by his sinister smile. They were emptier than a dead man’s. And trust me, I would know," he says, making me shiver.
“He shook his head so aggressively before getting in the car, like he wanted to stop himself from doing something reckless. When he opened the car’s door and looked at the entrance of the restaurant, I could read on his face an indescribable indifference. It was like he hadn’t shared a hearty discussion with a beautiful girl just minutes ago. He scared me and made me follow him from there on to make sure you weren’t in any danger that close to him. I lost sight of him many times when hedisappeared from next to you, but I didn’t really care. I was more interested inyoursafety," he says, making me put my hands over his and get a tired smile from him.
I am fighting not to kiss him. I don’t care how much he hurt me in the past anymore. I just want to know how the story goes and to feel him close to me.
“But,” he continues, “since two years ago when Cathal laid his eyes on Marshall’s creation… I started studying him closely and came up with a plan to take him away from you, but in the process, I brought the devil closer. Cathal started to get suspicious. He saw I wasn’t doing my job the way I used to, especially after I started the plan and Blake left. My vanishing set him off, and now he gave me two days to find out the secrets of Marshall’s drug.”
“Does he want you to kill him?” I ask with my wide eyes.
“No, not at all. He needs him, but he also needs me to get the secret formula out of him. I don’t think that the journal will tell us the exact quantities he used, so I may need to force it out of him, even though it seems impossible.”
“Why?”
“Because that is what he tried to do with the drug. To create a version that would give him normal feelings, from what I found out while I was studying him. He had a good intention to start, because he was frustrated that he couldn’t feel anything. He created the marketing company to exercise his fake emotions on people, to see if he could make them believe in the products he was selling. He also has a degree in chemistry and did a ton of experiments on animals. I know that his parents are meds, but I still don’t know how he could get his hands on so many rodents. I couldn’t find out more, but I know that he was excited about what he secretly did, and his parents were worried for him, because he disappeared from home for weeks when he was little.”
“The problem is that I’ve dealt with people with no emotions in the past. They held their thoughts in an impenetrable prison, and not even I can find out what goes through their mind. I saw that at Paul, too. Apparently, he managed to make a version of himself through his drug, but a lethal one,” he frowns.
“Then how do you want to find out?”
I retract my hands, but he quickly gets them, intertwining his fingers with mine. He then looks at me with pity before talking. I figure out what he wants to tell me before opening his mouth, and his words aren’t just confirming my dark thoughts, but amplifying them.
“Cathal wants me to use you to find out. I didn’t wanna do this, but the crazy motherfucker with too much power is right.”
He pauses, then inhales profoundly and closes his eyes. He speaks when he opens them, breathing out all the words.
“You need to meet with a psychopath to not be killed by the devil.”
Chapter 19
Psychotic pleasure
I wake up and struggle to open my eyes from the profound tiredness. I try to stretch, but I can’t as my hands and feet are tied on either side of my body.
The panic starts to come all over me. I open my eyes, trembling, and look around. I am in the same place I was last night, halfway covered by the dark duvet. I feel naked. I take a closer look at my body and gulp.
I am naked. Only my bra and lingerie protect me.
I try to move, but the moment I hear a voice that makes my brain scream, I freeze. My whole body turns to stone and doesn’t wanna cooperate with me anymore.
“Hello to you, too, Anmara. Did you sleep well?” Marshall talks while putting a sandwich and a coffee cup on the nightstand.
My eyes are about to pop out of my head when I am looking at him, but I’m not capable of moving to free myself, however much I would’ve moved my hands and feet. I am already feeling the fucking tears at the bottom of my eyes.
That’s just great.
“Oh, but don’t you cry, baby,” he says and comes closer to the bed.
