Would she, though? Would Sammie ever feel safe enough to tell Greta that she, too, was queer? The thought was terrifying, a hand gripping her throat, choking off air. Sammie was out to most people in her life, but she’d never found the courage to let that part of herself come to the surface at home.
“I couldn’t do it without you.” Sammie gave his hand one last squeeze before dropping it, kicking off the dirt once again, letting the breeze wash over her as the swing carried her back and forth. “Do you still have plans tonight?”
Atticus nodded. “Kieran’s back home for a couple weeks. Said I could pick his brain about going pro. We’re gonna get pizza at the new place over on Main Street and take it back to his parent’s house, you wanna come? He’s meeting me here.”
Sammie hadn’t seen Kieran in two years. She successfully avoided him, since that day in the rain. Not that it was hard to. He was living his own life away from this place, playing on a national level, experiencing so much beyond their small town.
As though Atticus had summoned him, the sound of footsteps met Sammie’s ears. She looked up to see a face so familiar, yet so unknown at the same time.
Kieran had filled out. The muscles of his arms tugged at the sleeves of his polo, the fabric stretching across his chest. He’d lost the roundness of youth in his face, his features now more angular, sharp, but still so sweet. His beard had filled in, though he kept it cropped short. Strawberry blonde curls framed his face, and half of his shoulder-length hair was tied back.
He looked good,reallygood. Sammie felt a flicker of the past, of the feelings she thought she had done such a good job suffocating, flare back to life.
“Hey.” Kieran waved at both of them, offering Sammie a small, tentative smile before turning his attention to her brother. “How’d it go?”
Sammie thought that Atticus looked on the verge of tears once again as he chewed his bottom lip. “Not good, man,” he finally answered. “Not good.”
Kieran frowned. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that, either of you.”
That spark in Sammie’s chest flared brighter. Neither she nor her brother had ever had to hide anything from their friend. It had never really occurred to Sammie just how valuable a thing that was.
“I think I’m going to stay home tonight.” Sammie’s words were for her brother, though her eyes couldn’t help but flick back toward Kieran again and again. She couldn’t be expected to actnormalaround her long time crush after such an emotionally draining day. Besides, Atticus needed some time alone with his friend. Sammie could see it in the tense line of his shoulders, in the way his gaze didn’t want to focus on any one thing. It would be good for him, talking with someone who had gotten away from this tiny midwestern town with its antiquated values.
Sammie hopped out of her swing, ready to leave the guys to their evening, when strong arms tugged her close, wrapping around her shoulders.
“Thank you,” Atticus whispered into her hair. Sammie held on to him tight as she could. He was strong, brave, everything she wanted to be, and she was so,soproud of him.
“Love you, Attie.” She pulled away, ruffling his bleached-blonde flop of hair. “Have fun tonight.”
Her granny didn’t speak to her for the rest of the evening. Or the following morning, as Sammie readied herself for a shift atOlive Garden. She had been serving for the last two years, in between business classes at the local community college. She didn’tlovethe work, but it was money she could set aside while she still lived at home. With Atticus going pro in the fall, Sammie hoped to find something closer to the city. Closer to him.
Greta kept her distance for several days. Sammie didn’t push, even if every second of that cold silence raked over her skin like broken glass. Would this be the new norm for them? Would there forever be a crack spread between her granny and her brother, an impassable chasm that had spread too wide for any bridge to reach the other side?
After a week or so, things went back to normal, or some semblance of it. Greta was speaking to them again, though Sammie noticed the subjects never veered too close to things like relationships and dating. Where Greta had always been so invested in that part of their futures, she now seemed to have closed herself off to the possibility of either of her grandchildren settling down. Why should she care anymore, with the possibility of one of them ending up with someone she didn’t deem appropriate forever looming in the background?
Their new way of being, the tiptoeing dance around one another, itdidbecome the norm. Atticus moved to an apartment in the city, and after a few months, he offered Sammie his spare bedroom. Greta cried, both of the children she raised finally leaving the nest.
But Sammie knew a part of her would always be stuck there, back home. Something stunted, something secret. Something unknowingly, unfairly shamed.
Even as Sammie fell into the routines of her new life, finding a new job, new friends, new desires and dreams, that part of her stayed back home, locked away from the light.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SAMMIE’S SKIN PRICKLED in the cool air conditioning, despite the heat flaring across her cheeks. She hoped the camera didn’t pick up on her blushing, or that it at least just looked like a typical sex-fueled flush.
She was on Kieran’s bed, in nothing but her bra and underwear, alone.Hesat in his comfy little chair, just out of frame. Sammie could feel his stare, could imagine tracks burned into her skin that followed the line of his gaze.
“Ready to go?”
The mattress dipped as the third person in the room took her place next to Sammie.
Talia was in her early thirties. Small to Sammie’s tall. Petite, soft, gently rounded curves. Pale, with blonde curls and big brown eyes. All charming smiles and sweet laughter.
Sammie swallowed thickly. “Yeah. I’m ready.”
Maria had passed Sammie’s contact info along to Talia. They’d hit it off immediately, much to Sammie’s relief, considering the sole purpose of their communication was to set up a good time to, well, fuck. Talia was a relaxing presence, both through text and in person. She had provided references and displayed a professionalism that Sammie found reassuring. Kieran had vetted her as well, and she’d met whatever standards he’d set for this little adventure. They’d all been tested, the final barrier overcome.
Sammie sort of couldn’t believe it was actually happening. She had been swept along in Talia’s wake from the moment the other woman had arrived. All business, telling both herandKieran what to do, taking charge from the get go. Sammie didn’t mind. If she’d had to make any sort of decision aboutanythingthey were going to do today, the pressure might have been enough to see her backing out.
