“Then one night he…” His voice trails off as his fingers finds the scar on his face. “My cheek.” Those words come as a whispered sob. “I ran.”
My throat tightens to the point of pain. I brush his hair back gently. “I’m so sorry he did that to you, baby. You’re so brave.”
My eyes well up, my chest aches, and I can’t stop looking at him like I might somehow protect him from all the hurt that’salready happened. I’m struggling to breathe, just watching him survive his past.
He offers those jagged pieces of himself and sits in silence, eyes on the floor, like he still thinks I might walk away. Nothing could tear me away from this man. I’ll show him that. I touch his jaw gently, guiding his gaze back to mine. His eyes are wet. Vulnerable. Terrified.
“You’re always so kind, so understanding,” he says, voice still raw. “I don’t know how to take it.”
I smooth my thumb along his cheek, then let it rest just beneath the scar there. “Take it slowly,” I murmur. “But take it. Because you deserve it. All of it.”
He makes a noise, some clogged-up emotion finally finding its way out. Then he tucks himself closer, his head resting beneath my chin, his entire body folding in, finally letting himself take comfort. “I hate that I still feel broken,” he whispers.
I close my eyes. The words hurt to hear. I hate that he thinks of himself that way. “You’re not broken,” I say steadily. “You’re so strong.”
It takes forever for his breathing to regulate, each shudder dragging out like his body can't let go of the fear. I murmur against him the whole time, enough to keep him tethered to me—you’re safe, I’ve got you, I’m not going anywhere.
“Do you think I’m—” He sniffles loudly and presses his face further into me.
I bring my hand into his hair. “What, baby? You can ask me anything.”
His voice trembles when he speaks, hushed and anguished. “Do you think I’m disgusting now?”
I squeeze my eyes shut against the agony I feel in my heart, hearing him ask that. “Gabe, I would never think that. You are the sweetest person I know. You’re more than anything that happened to you in the past. And it doesn’t change how I seeyou, or how I feel about you.” I run my fingers through his hair, wishing with everything I have that he hears the honesty in my words. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, you’d see how beautiful you are. Inside and out. You’d see how much light you shine on everyone lucky enough to be in your space.”
He sags, exhaustion pulling him down. His eyes are swollen and red when he tilts them up to me, so heartbreakingly open it hurts to look at him. “I wish I could see myself that way, too,” he whispers, and with those words, every piece of my heart reaches for his, aching and helpless at once.
“I want that for you, Gabe,” I tell him, pressing my lips to his forehead. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”
His lip trembles as he nods.
“Will you—” His throat works, like he’s afraid to ask. “Will you stay with me?”
My chest aches so fiercely, I think I’ll crack open. I brush the sweaty strands off his forehead and kiss his temple.
“Always,” I whisper.
Forever, if you’ll have me.
I guide us down to the pillows, holding his head to my chest as we lie on our sides. The minutes pass, no more words are spoken, rain starts echoing faintly against the windows outside. I don’t move.
But I can’t stop thinking:He trusts me.
After everything in his past. After the manipulation, the isolation, the scars no one sees. He still has the strength to tell me his story. I can tell he doesn’t think it’s brave, he thinks it makes him weak, or shameful, or hard to love. I could see the terrified look in his eyes, but I have never in my life admired someone more. He’s still here. Still soft. Still kind. Still himself, even after someone tried so hard to carve that person away.
I shift slightly, careful not to disturb him. His nose is nestled against my neck now, his legs tangled with mine. I can feel his heartbeat where our chests touch.
How could anyone not want to protect him? His tender heart deserves every kindness. This beautiful, gentle man still reaches for light, despite all the shadows inside him.
Remnants of tears cling to his lashes as he curls in the crook of my arm, fitting so perfectly, like he always belonged there. I lie awake for hours, watching the rise and fall of his chest. I don’t know how long it will take before Gabe stops expecting people to hurt him. But I know I’m not going anywhere. I’ll hold space for him. I’ll keep the light on. I’ll kiss his scar every day until it becomes a distant memory. I’m determined to be whatever he needs. For as long as he needs it. I’d take his nightmares if I could. Every single one. Because Gabe deserves nothing but peace.
And I’d tear the world apart helping him find it.
28
GABE
I went to bed feeling happy. Dancing with Noah felt like something I was always meant to do. I kept thinking about my parents, they’d be so proud of the man Noah is. I lay there wondering if they’d be happy knowing we were together, dancing in the kitchen like they always did.
