“Happen to know where in Pigtown? Or anyone in the neighborhood that might know?” Thank God for Paddy, inquiring after important information while Maeve and I behave like schoolgirls.
It takes a few stops; however, we finally manage to ascertain the probable current address of my parents. The confectioner was kind enough to send along some sweets for our journey, which the boys devoured before we had even left the old neighborhood.
The closer we move toward Pigtown, the worse the housing and smell become. I remember from the tenement, if you live somewhere long enough, you become blind to your surroundings. I see and smell them now in full color. My tummy flips unpleasantly, approaching the dilapidated building matching the address we were given.
Emil gasps, “I cannot believe people live in such a manner. Even growing up in New York, people took pride in their homes no matter their financial situation. My parents are from Russia…I should bring Aunt Olga here before we head back to the homestead. She might feel at home.”
“Based on the images you showed us, and your mother’s descriptions…” I pause, my eyes darting over the entire structure, “this might be worse.”
“Mutti, you do not have to do this. We can go to our hotel and wash ourselves thoroughly, then enjoy supper together.” I pat Jakob’s cheek affectionately.
“I do, sweetie. I do not fear my past; it cannot hurt me now. I have such strong warriors to defend me.” I caress Riordan and Gabriel’s cheeks. “I love you boys, so very much. And I am proud of the men you are becoming.”
“We love you too,Mutti.” They reply in unison, making the adults chuckle.
“Alright, let us proceed.” I open the door and step inside, holding my breath from the odor. On the second flight of stairs, I am forced to exhale and breathe in once again, nearly gagging from the overwhelming stench of unwashed bodies, chamber pots, and meat.
“I will be abstaining from any meat for the foreseeable future,” Paddy jests to lighten the heavy mood, but there is truth to his words.
“Here, here.” Emil rasps. “Perhaps we can elevate the potato to a main course.”
We arrive on the fourth floor, and the adults are sweaty and out of breath, while my boys behave as though they could keep going with no difficulty. Ah, to be young again.
I knock on the door. A loud shuffling on the other side, and then it opens quickly. I stare into the dull eyes of my sister-in-lawMaria. She stares at our group, passing over my face, and then returning with a soft gasp. “Trinli?”
“Hello, Maria.”
“TRINLI IS HERE!” Still staring at my face, she yells. The apartment comes alive behind her. Feet stomping, cries of surprise and disbelief echo through the space. I stop counting after twenty. How many people reside here?
“Ain’t no room for you! Take your brats and worthless husband and leave.” I swallow down the bile in my throat; my father’s voice weakened with time but no less hurtful. Father pushes to the front of the crowd. My God, time has not been kind to him. I feel no satisfaction staring at the beaten down man before me.
Of course, he ruins that by continuing to speak.
“That is not Darragh.” He examines Paddy while my tongue continues to stick to the roof of my mouth. “Whored yourself out for a richer husband? And yet here you are begging at my door.”
“My door.” My brother Balthasar steps forward to stand next to our father. Father waves off his correction glaring at me.
“Watch your words, grandfather,” Jakob snaps, coming to my side, Paddy on my other. My father’s eyes widen as he stares at Jakob.
Before this escalates further, I finally find my voice. “I am not here for a handout or to beg assistance of any kind.” Inhale, slow exhale. “We came to Baltimore on family business, and seeing as you are my family, I thought I would come check on you. It has been 18 years, father.”
“It has. 18 years you have been gone. Nary a word or penny sent to your family.” He scrutinizes my clothing, Paddy’s, Emil’s and Maeve’s. “Your brothers and sisters have supported us in your long absence. Where have you been?”
“Well, that is a good question, father, where have I been?” I shift subtly on my feet, firming my resolve. “I lived years with an abusive, philandering, alcoholic man you sold me to for $18 worth of cheese when I was barely 15. We moved to a coal patch where I had no one and nothing. I worked the land, planted gardens and crops, handled the childcare, medical treatment, clothing, food, and education for hundreds of people. And every morning or night, when the mood struck, the man you sold me to would rape me, beat me, use me, and leave me with four small babes. But I have a solidwork ethic, father, so I endured. I continued. I never complained. I got up and kept going. Until he died. Crushed by a mine collapse. And you know what happened then?”
Silence fills the space between us. I raise my eyebrows expectantly and wait for my father to respond. He chooses to remain quiet. My sister Anna reaches out, but I pull back before she can touch my arm.
“I married the love of my life. The man given to me by God himself as recompense for the years I suffered silently. For the pain. The despair. The betrayal of family and abandonment. Padraig is my moon and stars and bright sun. And my children…I look at them and know to the very depths of my soul, that I will always, ALWAYS fight for them. My last breath will be given in service of my babes because they are the beat in my heart. God continued to bless us with a visit from Emil Laurent—”
Balthasar scoffs. “The Jew?” His beady eyes dart to my dear friend. “You own a textile factory in Pennsylvania, right? That is you?”
“It is. Though, you can just call me Emil, ‘The Jew’ is so formal.” Paddy, the boys, and I snicker at Emil’s joke, while Maeve’s bark of laughter echoes in the hall.
“You sold yourself to a filthy Jew and you have the nerve to come here and lecture me?”
“I do not lecture, father, I am simply informing you of my whereabouts for the last 18 years. We own a beautiful three-story home filled with our eleven children. I make my own money working for Laurent Textiles, negotiating contracts with the world’s militaries and governments. Our children receive a top-notch education with bright futures ahead of them.” I step forward, feeling braver with every word. “So, father, I have been supportingmyfamily, the family I made, the family I found, the family I could never conceive of abandoning. 18 years ago, I was worth a debt of $18, a few goats, and 63 pounds of cheese. Today, I am worth considerably more…more than you could ever hope to afford. Judge all you want. I came here to put my past to rest, and I have. Now,” I run my hands down my jacket and skirt, then touch my hat, “myfamily and I are going to enjoy a comfortable stay at a lovely hotel that does not reek of butchered meat and return home to indoor plumbing, while you and the…20 some people who live in this cramped apartment share a chamber pot. Good day.”
I spin on my heel, my husband and boys parting to allow me through. I begin my descent down the four flights of stairs with a grin on my face and a lightness in my step I have never felt before. I hear a commotion and the door slam shut, then the footsteps of the others following me.
