"What I feel with her versus what I feel with—" I couldn't finish the sentence. Not here. Not out loud.
Noah understood anyway. "With him."
"Yeah."
"What do you feel with him?"
I didn't have words for it. The way my chest went tight whenever I thought about Alex. The way I couldn't breathe right when he was close. The way everything else disappeared when we were together—like the volume on the rest of my life got turned all the way down.
"More," I said finally. "Everything just feelsmore."
Noah nodded slowly.
"Emily is… what we have is good. I'm attracted to her and I care about her. But with Alex it's like—" I stopped, frustrated. "I don't know how to explain it."
Noah let out a breath. "Okay. Okay. So you're into both of them."
"I guess."
"Do you think you're bi?"
The word landed heavy.Bisexual.
I was quiet for a long moment.
I'd thought about it. Obviously I was attracted to guys—or at least to Alex. But I'd never labeled it. Never put a word on it. And thinking that I, Liam Moore, was bisexual—that meant something.
That was a thing I'd be telling people. A box I'd be checked into. I was fine doing everything I did with Alex. That was good. Amazing, actually. But that was between me and him. No one else needed a word for it.
"I don't like that word. It just is what it is."
Noah smirked. "Alright."
"Alright... what?"
"It's just that—nevermind."
Heat climbed up my neck. "What's that supposed to mean? It's who I am. Not what you think I am."
Noah backed down. "No, you're right."
I nodded. "Sorry."
"It's okay. I just think you need to be honest with Emily. She deserves that."
"How am I supposed to be honest when I don't even understand what I'm feeling?"
"You tell her the truth. That you're confused. That you need time to figure shit out. That you're not ready to get back together yet."
He was right. I knew he was right.
But the thought of that conversation—looking Emily in the eye and admitting I was confused about my feelings, that I'd been with someone else, that I didn't know if I wanted to be with her anymore—made my stomach turn.
"She's gonna ask why," I said.
"So?"
"So what am I supposed to say? That I've been hooking up with a guy? That I can't stop thinking about him?"
