“Yes. I wanted to feel like me again. So much of being a mum is thinking you’re not good enough. You don’t do enough activities or spend enough on their clothes. You constantly compare yourself to other mums who seem more competent. They’re not the ones arriving at preschool withyesterday’s make-up on and wearing a jumper you didn’t know was dirty, but I have skills beyond being a mum, and I wanted to use them.”
“You’re incredible. You’ve changed my life in less than two months. I feel like the luckiest person in the world when I see you at your desk.”
My face heats.
“Can I ask you something weird?” Niki says.
“You might as well. I’ve told you nearly all my other secrets.”
“And I look forward to hearing the ones you haven’t shared.”
I swallow noisily and fiddle with his chain. I sense him shifting and licking his lips at my action.
Please don’t let me tell this beautiful millionaire that no one’s ever given me an orgasm.
“Your question,” I squeak.
“Can I hold your hand?”
My eyes widen.
“I’ve spent over a year not letting anyone touch me, but with you, I’m safe. When I’m anxious, you listen, not fix me or ask for an explanation. Although I’m scared, I crave physical intimacy, too.” He’s babbling. I let him because he needs to say this. “In summary,” he adds with an uncomfortable laugh, “can I hold your hand when I need touch?”
I hold out my hand and will it not to tremble, because this gorgeous, kind man feels safe with me, and that makes my heart glow. “You can anytime unless I say banana hammock.”
We stop under a streetlight. It highlights a wet sheen across his eyes. “Thank you.” He shakily takes my hand. His skin is coarse, which I suspect is from repeated washing and cleaning. “And if you want someone to look after Tabi, bring her to my house, and you can sleep in my bed—spare bed, obviously.”
“Obviously.” Although the heat between my thighs tellsme I want to be in his bed, lying on his soft sheets, as he teases me with his touch. “But children have germs.”
“You deserve rest. And Graham, who we’ll collect in a couple of weeks, loves her.”
“Have you looked after a child before?”
“Nah, but there must be videos online about it,” he says, and the tension slides off us. “It can’t be that hard, right?”
We giggle until Tabi grumbles in her sleep. The music, still a collection of Disney princess songs he must have loaded onto his phone at the dog shelter, plays through the speakers. I shift slightly against the leather seat, but I refuse to move too much in case he lets go of me.
In the silence, his finger strokes the top of my hand.
I don’t know if he’s aware he’s doing it, but the heat of his skin radiates through my body.
I can’t be with him, and yet I briefly imagine this could be my life. Instead of my place, I imagine he’s driving us back to ours, where he carries me to his bed and gives me everything I’ve wanted.
He lets go of my hand and places it on his thigh. His muscles flex, and I resist the urge to squeeze them.
My fingers brush the chain, and he growls.
“I need both hands to drive. Take your hand back if you want.”
“No, I like this.”
CHAPTER 30
Niki
Voices sound outside my office as I review the Saudi race from over a week ago in preparation for the trip to Miami.
I glance through the doorway and catch my parents in consultation with Senna. There’s no Rosie to rescue me. I think she said she had a meeting.
