I bite the inside of my mouth. “They talked about their daddies, and when she said she didn’t have one, they laughed at her.”
“I can tell them all to leave her alone. She’s adorable, even though she sings a lot.”
“You’d be more scared of ten little kids than they’d be of you.”
The warmth of his laugh is like hot chocolate on a snow day. “Yeah, you’re right. But I can chat to their parents. No one gets to be mean to Tabi or to make her mum sad. I’ll go all mumma bear if I have to.”
I shake my head and smile. “I’m imagining you with a stern face and a rolling pin.”
“Whatever gets you going, Rosie.” His deep voice causes an ache between my thighs. “Can I ask about her dad, or is that too personal? You can use the safe word if you’d rather not.”
I stare at him in the dusky light of the car. As much as I want to hide my history, I don’t want to hide anything from this man who faces his fears every time he touches me or lets me touch him. “It’s okay. Before university, I went on a rugby tour to Australia.”
“I’ve read your CV. You were team captain.”
“Yeah, I loved those days. We were good, really good. I wanted to attend university, get my psychology degree, andjoin the England women’s team. While on tour celebrating a win, the team and I partied.”
“Was there a lot of drinking?”
“They drank loads, but I only had enough to give me a buzz. I wanted to be sober enough to look after my team.”
“You’re always caring for others,” Niki says.
“Someone has to. It was the last couple of songs, and our team danced with a group of Australian players. I messaged Sasha, and she told me to grab one and go for it. Her words were, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ So I kissed a guy. One thing led to another, and within an hour, I was having beach sex with some man I never got the name of. I haven’t been able to tell him he’s her dad.”
“Rosie,” he says softly.
“I know. I gave birth before Christmas in my first year of university.”
“To the most adorable and sweet girl in the world,” he says, and it’s like my soul blushes at the compliment. “How did you do it all? Studying for a degree while having a newborn?”
“A lot of it is a blur, but as soon as I held her, I vowed to move heaven and earth to give her a future. I stopped playing rugby when I realised I was pregnant and never returned. Sasha was incredible. My parents were okay. Everything changed, including me. I’m not the person I was.”
“Do you miss being that person? Do you still play rugby?”
Tabi gives a little snort between snores.
“I don’t have time. I miss enough sleep as it is.” My laughter fades. “I miss the person I could’ve been.”
“I understand that.”
I gaze at Niki. His backwards cap hides the scars I’ve only glimpsed in the moonlight, although his eyes held my focus that night. Even now, I’m drawn to how they soften as I speak. His fingers brush my thigh over my jeans. It would be abold move for anyone, but for a man scared of touch, it’s like he’s caressing my skin for his pleasure and mine.
“I miss playing rugby. My old team is partying in town next month to celebrate the end of the season. I might join them if I can find a sitter. It’s not playing a game, which is what I really miss. Running that field, battling against opposition as people roar my name, and bringing my team together. Nothing compares to seeing the try line and knowing I need to cross a couple of metres to win a whole game, even though those metres might involve my body getting bruised and destroyed by someone from another team. I miss having those people on my side, no matter the enemy.” I shake my head. “Sorry.”
Niki squeezes my thigh. “You don’t need to apologise. That was so fu—” He glances in the rearview mirror. “Nearly swore. I meant to say, that was visceral. I could taste the beer and the pies as you spoke, and I’ve only been to one rugby game. I would have come to all of them and cheered you on, though.”
“Whatever.” I elbow him.
“Honestly. I bet you were quite a sight.”
“A dirty sight.” I’m grateful the darkness hides my blushes. “Because of the mud, obviously.”
His mouth tilts up. “Obviously.”
“But now I have my nugget,” I reply, “and I wouldn’t change her for the world, even when I get no sleep and she stops me from learning what the world is like beyond the confines of Peppa Pig.”
“Hence the job?”
