As I help her pick them up, Mum whispers to Dad, “She’s distracted and exhausted. She wasn’t like this when she worked with us.”
He shushes her, but the comment lodges in my head along with the criticism I’ve faced the last four years while trying my best.
“I like your top, Tabi,” my dad says.
Tabi spins, showing off her Coulter F1 Racing T-shirt, which has a caricature of Tawny on it. “She works at Mummy’s zoom place.”
Dad catches my eye and smiles, but Mum’stskmakes me sigh.
“It’s nice, isn’t it, Mum? And Tabi loves it. Tawny’s a great role model for young girls.”
Tabi beams before sitting at the kitchen table. My dad helps her pick crayons as Mum says, “Tabi seems tired as well. Has she been more anxious because of your new job and all the extra hours you’re doing?”
I purse my lips. “She’s fine. It took her a while to get used to everything, but she’s doing great. Aren’t you, baby?”
“I’m not a baby. I’m four.”
Dad chuckles, but Mum’s eyes pinch as she stares at me. As I fill a glass with water, wishing I were sneaking a can of pop from my personal fridge, my mum stands beside me.
“Honey, I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but I know what it’s like to bring up a child. You’re still a new mum, really. How about you come back to the carpet business? When we learned I was pregnant with you, I resigned and gave you all my time. I know you can’t do that, but at least in asensible nine-to-four job at the carpet company, you can make sure you’re always there when Tabi needs you. You’ve checked your work phone several times tonight.Wewouldn’t expect you to work out of hours.”
“Niki doesn’t expect me to. I offered. He needs my support.”
“Tabi needs your support. He’s a millionaire. He could have anyone. She only has you.”
I’m not surprised by her tone. My mum had me late. I was that miracle child who was born after my parents gave up trying. It was her dream to have a child, and she gave up everything to raise me.
“Mum, I’m not like you. I want to experience the world and have a career that I’m excited about and that makes me happy.”
“I didn’t need anything other than you to be happy. Tabi should be enough,” she whispers.
“She is. That’s not what I meant. I’ll always put her first.”
She pulls me close. My pocket vibrates with a call, but I ignore it.
“I expect that’s your boss,” Mum grumbles.
I close my eyes and attempt to centre myself, but all I see is nineteen-year-old me, juggling university studies and a baby. I want a future where I’m not struggling for money or a failing parent. I also want to be seen as a woman in my own right while realising my dreams.
I’m not sure I can have a life where I’m successful and my daughter is well-adjusted.
CHAPTER 24
Niki
Ipace the garage. It’s just practice, not a proper race.
Senna stares at me. Jacs watches beneath her eyelashes. Connor’s brow furrows every time I pace closer to him.
I need to get in the car. I’m on a countdown timer. I’m letting the team down.
I tried calling Rosie before I left the hotel, but there wasn’t an answer. I’d forgotten she was having dinner with her family. I can’t expect her to drop everything for me.
My pulse rises when I glimpse the car. Senna glances at her screens, where Tawny’s on her practice lap. The noise I used to love, of F1 cars pushed to their limits on asphalt, sounds from the track. I swallow the saliva that’s stuck in my throat.
I need control.
“How can I help?” Connor asks, and I shake my head.
