“Damn right,” she teases. “You owe me. I expect you to hook me up with a rich racing driver.”
I laugh as she adds, “I’ve got to go, but we’ll get you a night off soon, one that doesn’t end with meeting race drivers who you jump into dangerous waters with. I’ll tell Tabi you say hello.”
“Love you.”
“Ditto.”
I hide in the bathroom for another ten minutes, trying to clean off the yoghurt, but it won’t budge. I lift the cuff to my nose and balk. I catch another stain on my trousers.I’ll drag something out of the wash basket to wear tomorrow. Niki must despair that he hired a mess.
A note from Niki sits on my desk.
Can I see you in my office?
I cross my fingers as I knock on his door.
CHAPTER 22
Niki
Rosie dead-eyes me as she stands at my doorway. Her arms flex as she squeezes her fists.
“I’m so sorry, Rosie. I was completely out of line.”
She lets out a whoosh of breath. “Yes, you were, but I overreacted. I’m tired, and I took it out on you. But also, there’s some things I don’t want to talk about.”
“Okay. You once told me to tell you when I’m anxious. I should have explained myself properly. Can I explain now? I completely understand if you don’t want to listen. We can return to professionalism. I’ll take your lead.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” She steps into my office. “And don’t worry about giving me the lead. You need control when you’re anxious, and I’m good with that.”
“Stop getting in my head,” I tease. I sit on the corner of my desk and wrap my fingers around the bracelet in my pocket. “Our professional relationship started weirdly because of the kiss that quite rightly neither of us mentions.”
She nods.
With a staggered breath, I add, “But it means I’m lessanxious around you than others. Sometimes I panic that people can’t stand this weird, grumpy version of me, so when you appeared uncomfortable, I worried I’d done that to you. I’ve experienced anxiety around others, and I didn’t want to be the one who made you experience that. And if I did, I wanted to know what I should do differently.”
Her eyes never leave mine.
“Niki, I’m not uncomfortable around you. Sometimes things outside of work impact me. It’s usually my forever tiredness. Although I have the support of my parents and my amazing housemate, life is a struggle. It has its joys, and everything you’ve done helps, but I get tired and miss things, and somehow, I end up with old clothes or yoghurt on my sleeve.” She holds up her sleeve to prove her point. “I’ll buy new clothes and try to catch up on sleep. Meanwhile, here, I’ll give my all.”
“Okay.” Why hasn’t she got support from Tabi’s dad? I used to request background checks on my direct staff, but I don’t want to with her. She’s the only person who doesn’t make me feel judged. The more I learn about her, the more I’m likely to feel judged. “I’m guessing you don’t want me to ask anything more about your private life.”
“Correct.” She folds her arms. “Also, you’re anxious about the practice drive. Your confidence dropped after you returned from Australia. We need to do something about that.”
I sit back, and my stare drops to the floor. “I’m sorry,” I mumble. “Sometimes I hide it well, but then I’m more reactive.”
“Have you spoken to your counsellor about that?” I shake my head. “It was part of my top module at university. Sometimes, when anxiety hits, we get so overwhelmed, and we can’t see beyond it. It’s similar to a toddler acting out because they’re hungry or tired.”
My lips quirk, and I meet her gaze. “Are you calling me a toddler?”
She runs a palm down her face. “Fuck, no. Sorry. I’m tired and saying the wrong thing.”
“Before the accident, Connor used to call me a toddler when I acted out. I was stroppy if all the attention wasn’t on me or I didn’t win.”
“A sore loser, eh?”
I grin. “Sometimes.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. I can be a sore loser, too. We’d best only get in situations where we both win.” A dirty thought hits me, but I push it away instantly. “In the meantime, you don’t comment on my clothes.”
