I bet Scott doesn’t react to an allergy sneeze. Tabi needs someone level-headed.
I recheck my phone. There’s still nothing from Rosie. I tap out a message.
Niki: I hope everything is going okay. Tell me if you need anything.
I wait for three dots to show she’s replying, but there’s nothing. I shouldn’t be surprised, yet a rock the size of a car engine lodges in my stomach. My life is changing, and I need to embrace that. I can achieve what I’ve worked for.
So why does it feel like I’m losing everything?
As soon as the debrief finishes, I run to my car.
Rosie messaged me during the meeting to say she andScott were taking Tabi and Graham to the park and that I should join them.
My pulse thrums as I drive the hour’s journey home. It’s eight p.m., and Tabi should be in bed, not at the park, but it’s not every day you meet your dad.
I remember the new Princess Belle bag and lunchbox sitting in my closet for when she starts school. Should I pick that up and give it to her tonight? No. Tonight isn’t about me.
I don’t know what to do. Thoughts about racing next year keep finding their way into my consciousness, but I shake them away. My priority is getting to the park and being there for Rosie and Tabi in whatever way they need me.
I park quickly and jump out of the car.
Tabi’s giggles reach my ears. Scott pushes her on the swing. She’s too high, and I make fists to stop from rushing over and stilling the swing. She’s happy, and that’s all that matters.
Rosie, Scott, and Tabi are laughing. Rosie’s hair floats on the breeze, and I’m watching the things I love the most fly away with it.
Graham waddles to me, his stubby tail wagging.
I scratch him behind his ears. “How are you doing, boy? Better than me, I’m guessing.”
Scott nudges Rosie as he pushes a squealing Tabi. They’re a family. A voice tells me I don’t fit in here. I’ll never be Tabi’s dad. My heart falls, and I can’t grab it quickly enough to fix it in place.
“Hey,” I say as I reach the three of them.
Rosie smiles at me, but it’s tighter than her normal one. “How was the meeting with Filip?”
I shrug. “He’s given me a week to decide what I want.” I can’t tell her too much because whoever Filip is considering replacing doesn’t know yet. It could be Marco. Scott will tell Billy, and Marco will find out.
“And what do you want?”Rosie asks.
I want to be enough for you and Tabi, and maybe becoming a successful racing driver will help me achieve that.
I shrug again. “Hey, Tabi. Are you having fun?”
Tabi’s a bit green. The swing was too high. “Mummy and Scott took me out for ice cream, and I had the biggest one ever.”
Her T-shirt is covered in it.
“That sounds fun.” I turn to Scott. “Did you enjoy the race today?”
Rosie’s side-eyeing me. Tabi is giggling while Scott makes animal impressions. She’s attempting to guess the animal, but he’s doing the wrong ones on purpose. She looks really happy. Rosie once said if Tabi’s dad ever returned, she’d make room for him in Tabi’s life. There won’t be enough room for me, but that doesn’t matter, because Tabi will have her dad.
Tabi jumps off the swing and comes to me for a hug before freezing. “Mummy, have you got the san’tser?”
Rosie rummages through her pockets. “I forgot it. We came straight out so we could skip the awkward conversations with my parents. I can’t believe I did that.”
I shove my fists in my jeans pockets. “It’s okay.” I’ve got some in the car, but I suddenly don’t want to be the burden of the group.
“Niki, Scott said me and Mummy have to see his house in Australia. He showed us a photo, and it’s nearly as big as yours, and it’s on the beach, and Scott doesn’t like the dark like me.” She bends down to stroke Graham as Rosie winces at me. “Sorry, Graham, you can’t come. It’s too far for you.”
