My heart races. There’s so much to consider about the future. But is it just my future now? My memories waver between giving Tabi a glow stick to help her with her fears of the dark to her giggling in my pool. My life is out of control.
The young fan I talked with about racing earlier waves, and I remember my promise to attend his race. I want to do that, but becoming a racing driver might make that impossible. Somehow, chatting with him made me happier than the entire Silverstone race.
My skin chills. Do I still want to race in Formula One?
I loved racing, but I’m not sure I want to return to this pressure when I’ve learned what else life can be.
But you’ve worked so hard for this.
I must speak to Rosie. She’ll help me process my worries, and I’ll help her process hers. Maybe I’m not thinking straight because of Scott and what that could mean for the future.
I check my phone, but there’s nothing from her.
It’s okay that I’m not her priority right now, but I still miss her. I want to find her. I promised Tabi I’d readBeauty and the Beastto her tonight. I practised the Beast’s voice while preparing for the race. She’ll giggle so much that Rosie will tease me for riling her before bed.
Imagining it makes my heart lift.
But Scott is her dad.
“Well done, darling,” my mum says, squeezing on sanitiser before holding her hand out for me to shake.
She squeezes some into my dad’s hand, too.
“You drove well considering everything,” Dad adds. Bless him. He tries to be encouraging, but he’ll always be that grumpy boss who rules with a stick rather than a carrot.
“Thank you.”
I’m not like Dad, and as much as I love him, I’m proud of that. I’ll always support Tabi with praise and heart, or at least I will for as long as I’m in her life. My dad never played dolls with my sister, but it’s one of my favourite things to do with Tabi.
“How did it go with Filip? Are you joining Vessa after the summer break?” Dad asks.
I shrug. “I’ve got a week to decide.” I peek through the door to the room for the debrief. “Where is everyone?”
Dad pats me on the back. “Connor and Senna are inside with Jacs and Tawny. The engineers are on their way and?—”
Mum cuts him off. “He’s searching for Rosie. She left half an hour ago with Billy’s brother. Is he who I think he is?”
I nod.
“It’s the eyes, isn’t it?” she says, dumbfounded.
“Yeah.” My shoulders slump. “I’d better get to the debrief.”
“Okay, darling. But don’t fret. You’ll know what to do about Vessa and other things,” Mum replies. “Some things take time to sort themselves out.”
“Sure.” I hug both my parents from behind, making them jump.
I step into the debrief and huff. I want to be with Rosie and Tabi.
I flip my cap backwards as Tawny’s engineer talks about the improvements in her driving, especially regarding notcrossing track limits. She turns to me and gives me finger guns as she beams. “A big thank you to Niki for helping me.”
A bubble of joy replaces some of my frustration as she adds, “He’s an incredible teacher.”
Others nod, suggesting I’ve helped them. The rise in my chest surprises me. This feeling is better than any I experienced during the race. But I love racing. Driving at the aerodrome and in Austria last week was incredible. I don’t understand what this means.
I run my fingers across Rosie’s bracelet. I grabbed it as soon as the race was done. She’s what I want, but with Tabi’s dad returning, maybe I’m not what she needs anymore. If he’s the best thing for Tabi, I must walk away. Connor’s trainer sneezes, and I recoil.
“Allergies,” he says, wincing at me from across the room. He pops a tablet.
