Graham snuggles against her.
I don’t know what to say, because she’s right. They will. I shouldn’t have kept her at the preschool, but it made sense then. I’m failing my child.
“I get scared of things too, Tabi,” Niki says quietly. “I’m scared of lots of things.”
Tabi side-eyes him from my chest. “But you’re a grown-up.”
“But I still get scared being around too many people and when strangers get close.”
“Do people laugh at you?”
“Maybe, but the ones that laugh don’t matter to me. They’re not my friends. My proper friends, like your mum, care about me and make it okay. You use the sanitiser, so I don’t get scared.” Tabi sits back on my lap and stares at him. Her mouth twists from one side to the other. “I used to be scared of more things.”
“Not now?”
“Fewer things now.”
I hold my breath as they chat. Tabi continues to stroke Graham, who snuggles into her.
“Why?”
“I had help from different people, clever people.” He winces as if he’s not sure he’s saying the right thing, but I nod, encouraging him. He swallows noisily. “I also started carrying a bracelet. When I get scared, I hold it.”
He takes it out of his pocket, and Tabi reaches for Niki. I pass her over so she sits on his lap. She holds the bracelet tightly. He strokes her tears away.
“I could go to the cinema party with a new bracelet,” she says eventually. “Will you help me make it?”
I glance at her. She’s staring at Niki as if he holds all her hopes in his words. Maybe he does. He holds all of mine.
“You need to go to bed soon, Tabi,” I say. I don’t want to stop this, but an exhausted Tabi usually ends in a tantrum.
“I could come back tomorrow, if that’s okay with your mum,” Niki says hesitantly.
“Yes. He can come to the farm with us. Graham can’t do that, but he can help make bracelets.” Tabi squeals, stroking Graham behind the ear. “Can he, Mummy?”
“If you’re sure, Niki?” My pulse is rapid.
“I’d love to.” His smile is so broad that I want to hang my dreams on it.
“And you can read me a bedtime story. Please, Niki?”
When he nods, she jumps off his lap and dances around the living room. I nibble my lip, hoping I’ll get her to sleep tonight so I have time with Niki, just sitting close and holding his hand.
CHAPTER 59
Niki
“The end,” I say as I close Tabi’sCinderellabook. Rosie waits at the bedroom door, ready to tuck Tabi in.
“Goodnight, Tabi.”
“Goodnight, Niki,” she replies with a big yawn. “I like Cinderella because she hasn’t got her daddy, like me. I’d like one, though.”
I glance at Rosie, who looks down. Her sad sigh echoes in the tiny bedroom.
“Time for sleep, nugget. You need lots of rest for the farm tomorrow.”
“And then we’re making bracelets,” she whispers. Her eyes close as she drifts off.
