“You can’t keep doing this. She’s spoiled, and she’s not even here yet!” Alicia holds up the pretty little dress Greaser just presented her with, and it takes everything in my power not to roll my fuckin’ eyes.
“Hey, if her uncle can’t spoil her, who can?” He shrugs like it ain’t a big deal, then glances over his shoulder to check I’m watching. “I gotta head off. I promised Raze I’d check out that old garage on Park Street; see if it’s got potential.” When he gets up, he kisses her cheek, like she’s his old fuckin’ lady. All that kinda shit is becoming far too regular. I’m gonna have to do something about it before I break club rules and snap the assholes spine.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Alicia shakes her head at Eden, who’s got a judgmental look on her face once he’s left.
“I’m not looking at you like anything.” She laughs. “Are you honestly telling me that you aren’t seeing what everyone else is?”
“That Greaser has changed and is shaping up to be a fantastic uncle for my baby girl?” Alicia points out, folding up the dress and popping it back in the gift bag.
“Andthat he’s got the major hots for you,” Millie adds, staring at Alicia with the same look as Eden.
“Oh, yeah, cause I’m so hot right now.” Alicia snorts a laugh as she looks down and strokes her ever-growing stomach. “Greaser’s just looking out for his niece, and right now, that means looking out for me, too.” When her eyes move up toward me, I quickly put my head down, focus on the knife in my hand, and pretend I ain’t been listening.
I know I have to speak to her and tell her how I feel, but it seems harsh to put her under that kinda pressure when she’s in such a delicate state. I’m hearing from Wrath, all the time, about how important it is not to stress a woman out when she’s pregnant, and the closer Alicia gets to having this baby, the more vulnerable she seems. I wish I could control my feelings; turn ’em off, or toss ’em away. Every time I look at her, I feel pain. I feel guilt, but worse of all, I feel fuckin’ desperation. I’ve never had to deal with something like this before. It’s all-consuming and too fuckin’ much.
“I don’t think you're gonna get that blade any sharper, Vike.” Dev takes the stool beside me, his eyes fully committed to watching his girl at the table.
“How’s she doing?” I ask. It’s only been a month since Millie was raped, and although she seems to be doing well, I know our brother will still be beating himself up about it.
“She’s doing incredible; I ain’t ever met someone as strong as her.” He shakes his head like he’s in awe. “How’s your girl holding up?” He nudges me with his huge shoulder and shifts his eyes toward Alicia.
“She ain’t my girl.” I’ve given up pretending to him that I ain’t got feelings. Since we lost Saul, he’s become the person I talk to most around here.
“You could change that.” He tries to sound encouraging.
“Now ain’t the time, she’s gotta focus on her and that little girl she’s having. I ain’t going nowhere; I’m always gonna be here for them. I guess, maybe when the time’s righ?—”
“Ain’t no better time than the present,” Ruck interrupts, coming from behind me and gripping my shoulders. “She’s probably feeling more scared than ever, right now. Going into this with you is–”
“Since when did you two become experts on females?” I look between them.
“Duh…Since we got ourselves females,” Ruck comes back at me. “We’re all getting tired of watching your ass moping around. Pull up your big boy pants and make her yours.”
“And what about Saul?” I ask, wondering how he’d feel about me making a move on his sister.
“Saul’s fuckin’ dead. Do you think he’d be against you making his sister happy?” Dev nods his head at Polly when she passes him a beer.
“It’s against club rules and–”
“Club rules got trashed the second Wrath got with Raze's sister. Thankfully.” Ruck looks over toward the girls' table and smiles at his old lady, Freya.
“Yeah, well, it’s different. Raze was here to give his approval, and so was Wrath when you started things up withhissister,” I point out, wishing I could have my best friend back. “I can’t speak to Saul, and even if I could, Alicia and me...We got something good; I don’t know if I wanna risk ruining it.” I slide the knife back into my sheath and stand up.
“You see how Greaser’s movin’, right?” Dev frowns at me.
“I ain’t blind.” I wanna turn my head and look at her, but I know it’ll only hurt.
“Just plain damn stupid.” Ruck shakes his head and leaves us to go join the girls, while I head for the door to get myself some fresh air.
“Vike.” Alicia starts to get up when she sees me leaving, and I can’t help smiling to myself when I notice it’s taking her longer than usual. Pregnancy looks real fuckin’ good on her.
“You need a ride somewhere?” I ask; I hate the idea of her going anywhere by herself these days. Far too many young, pretty girls are getting killed on our streets. I’ve seen for myself how cruel the world can be, and the thought of it being cruel to her makes me wanna shield her from it.
“No, I was just wondering if you were gonna be around tomorrow night.” She’s lookin’ kinda nervous, and she should know better. I’ve made it clear that she can ask me anything. “I was going to cook something special.” She bites her lip and smiles at the same time. “It’s Saul's birthday, I thought we could celebrate together.”
“Sounds good.” I smile, focusing on her lips and still hating myself for the way I handled that kiss between us. It’s been over a month since I rejected her, and things haven’t been the same between us since. I need to stop being so damn stubborn and tell her the truth. The boys are right, I need to grow some fuckin’ balls. Maybe tomorrow night, when I have her all to myself, I could explain.
“Great, I’ll speak to Lettie; see what time she finishes work. I’m looking after Rory tomorrow anyway, I was going to take him to the park. Figure it’s what Saul would have done with him.”
