Of course, it makes sense that the two of them are coming too; they are Saul’s family, but I still have to hide my disappointment that we won’t be alone together. These days, it never seems to be just the two of us.
“Saul would want us all to be together,” she says, blinking back tears and smiling bravely. She always gets teary when she thinks about him; the two of them were close, and he always took such good care of her.
“Course he would.” I have to ball my hand into a fist and hold back when my fingers twitch reach out to touch her. “Call me ifyou need a ride home.” I turn to leave, but don’t even make it to the parking lot gate before she calls after me again.
“Vike!” There's a desperation in her voice that has me spinning around far too quickly. “Thingsareokay between us, aren’t they? It’s just you’ve been acting kinda distant.”
I wanna tell her that Greaser ain’t giving me much choice. I wanna tell her that, these days, just looking at her puts a hurt inside me that I can’t ex-fuckin’-splain.
“Everythin’s great.” I reach out and take her hand, appreciating how soft it feels in mine as I stroke my thumb over the top of it.
“Good. I’ll see you back at home.” She pulls away, and I want so badly to tug her back and kiss her cheek, the same way Greaser did before he left. I’ve dreamed at night about having the courage to claim her, right here in front of all my club brothers, and I always wake up to the same disappointment…Reality.
I head straight for my bike; air ain’t gonna be enough anymore. Suddenly, I need distance, too.
“Hey, what's happening?” Saint is kicking down his stand and getting off his bike as I walk through the arch to the parking lot.
“Not a lot. I’m just heading over to—” I pause when I realize I have no idea where I’m heading. I’m just saving myself from having to explain what a fuckin’ pussy I am to another brother who can probably see right through me.
“I gotta run some errands.” I clear my throat as I take my saddle and grab my bars.
“Dev inside?”
“Millie’s inside, which means he ain’t ever far away.” I shake my head and laugh. The way Dev has changed these past couple of months is something none of us saw coming; it’s taking a little getting used to.
“I gotta talk to him; he really needs to have a word with Sinner.” Saint lifts his shirt, revealing the tattoo of an ass-naked woman that covers his ribs. “I swear he’s takin’ things too far.”
I try not to let him see how amused I am. It must suck to be him; half the time, he has no control over his own body. Sinner never used to show up that often, but we’ve been seeing him a lot more lately.
“At least he went to a good artist; looks like decent work... and the girl’s hot.”
“None of that's the point. We should have an agreement over things like this.” Saint growls in frustration as he starts heading toward the clubhouse.
“Somehow, I don’t think that's gonna work with Sinner,” I call out after him. I ain’t got no other advice for him, Sinner is as cocky as he is stubborn; knowing him, he got the thing done purposely to piss Saint off. Starting my engine, I head through the gate, having no idea where I’m headed or how I’m gonna pass the time until Alicia gets home.
“You're quiet tonight.” I finish up the dishes and join Alicia on the couch, where she’s sitting staring at the TV screen, yet paying no attention to what's on. I can always tell when she’s into what she’s watching from the expressions she makes. I swear the girl has about a thousand of ’em, and each one of ’em is beautiful.
“I’m just thinking.” She looks across to me and smiles sadly.
“Thinking about what?” Saul's upcoming birthday is sure to be making her feel sad. If she’s struggling, I want her to know she can talk to me.
“Okay....” She takes in a deep breath like she’s working herself up to something. “So, I’m on this forum for expectantmoms, and everyone on there has been discussing their birth plans.”
“Okay.” I twist my body into hers so she knows she has my full attention.
“I know already that I’ll be down for whatever drugs the doctors will give me; each to their own, but I’m a wuss when it comes to pain…What I’ve been thinking about is who I’m gonna want with me.” She bites her lip again as she smiles, then awkwardly looks up at me.
“Me?” I can’t hide the shock from my voice as I take in what I think she’s asking here.
“Vike, there's no pressure. You really don’t have to, and I know things got kinda weird with us when I kissed you, but?—”
“Alicia, stop. Of course, I’m gonna be there. If you're sure that's what you want.” The rush of excitement she’s caused comes out in my voice, and I could grab her by her shoulders and kiss her for making me feel so fuckin’ special.
“It’s what I want,” she whispers.
“Well, then, it’s settled.” We’re staring right at each other, the silence is deafening, and it would be so easy to lean in and make this the moment.
“I was figurin’ you’d want one of the girls with you.” I back out, not wanting to ruin what we have. Alicia doesn’t need confusion right now; she’s clearly scared of what's coming and needs some stability.
