I’m no better now than I was then.
I’m still hurting others with my actions.
"Miguel, I didn’t see abandonment in her eyes." My mom says as she leans forward and clasps my hand in hers.
"What do you mean?"
"She was scared. She saw the man she loves in pain. She’s hurting. And, I’m not a doctor but I think I just heard Dr. Collins say rest is best for a fresh injury."
"So what, I’m just supposed to let her walk away?"
"For a moment, yes." My mom pats my hand and leans back. "Let’s get what we need from the nurses and then you can call her."
If I had to describe my relationship with Laney in a word it might be "intense". We started quickly, we went all in. So, maybe my mom is right.
A moment apart from me to clear her head might be exactly what she needs.
Just how long does that moment need to be?
The nurse comes in and talks me through the immediate recovery process. She gives me warning signs for something going wrong and when to come back to the hospital. She hands me an ice pack on the way out the door and I fold the stack of discharge papers into thirds.
I take the walk through the emergency department and out to the drop off lanes slowly. But the pain isn’t terrible.
"I’ll go get the car." My mom says and I nod.
She’s not two full steps away when I reach for my phone and call Laney.
"Hi Miguel."
Laney’s voice sounds clouded with emotion. My fist balls around the stack of paper and it crumples in my grip. I hate the impact my weakness is having on her. The pain in my back is nothing compared to the pain in my heart.
"Laney, I’m so sorry."
"I know you are. It’s okay. How are you feeling?"
I glance down at the packet of papers with my rehabilitation orders. "I’ll be fine."
"That’s not what I asked." She makes a sound of effort as she maybe stands, or sits, with the sounds of the city behind her.
"I’m feeling stiff, sore, and embarrassed."
"Why embarrassed?"
I sigh. "I’m embarrassed you had to see me like that. I’m sorry my history hurt you."
"Miguel." Laney deadpans. "I ran over you with my bike, I expect you to be hurt after that."
"I jumped in front of you."
"I could have swerved."
"Thenyouwould have fallen andyoucould have gotten hurt."
Laney lets out a frustrated sound. "It isn’t your job to save me from getting hurt! Just like it isn’t your job to make my decisions for me!"
"Laney, I know I have an ugly history–"
"I actually don’t care that you misused drugs. You’re not anymore, right?"
