"Right."
"So, fine. It’s in the past. But, deciding to turn down a sponsorship for me? It felt like you didn’t even want me to succeed."
Frustration at her single track mindedness bubbles over.
"Laney, can’t you see you already have? You’re measuring success by one singular factor but you’ve done more in the last six months than the average person does in a lifetime! You’ve done more than most triathletes!" I drag a hand through my hair but it pulls on my back and I hiss in pain. I suck it up and continue. "Laney, you already have the success, you have everything you’re working towards. Recognition, respect, legitimacy? They’re yours."
"I know."
Her words trip me up. "What?"
"I know." She says louder like I didn’t hear her the first time. I heard her, I just am not sure I heard correctly. "I know I have all that. And I got what I wanted for this season. I qualified for the TP world championship. But at the same time, I still want the sponsorship. I’m tired of juggling it all, of spreading myself thin, and a sponsorship is the easy way out of the grind so I fixated on it."
"And you don’t want it anymore?"
"Oh, no, I absolutely do. I would take the money and run. Well, actually I’d swim, bike, and run." I laugh and it sort of hurts. "But I don’t feel like Ineedit anymore."
"Why not?"
"Because, Miguel, you’ve given me what I really needed."
"What’s that?"
"Support. Encouragement."
I wish more than anything she was in front of me right now. I want to dive into the blue abyss of her eyes and feel her satin skin against my fingertips. "Laney, baby, I’m in your corner. I have never met someone like you. It costs me nothing to support you. It actually makes me feel good to see you succeed."
"Really?"
"Yes! Really. Fuck, Laney. Princess. I, I…"
"I love you too."
"Yeah, that’s what this is. I love you. And I’m sorry for telling Stan to fuck off." She laughs a little. "Actually, no. I’m not sorry about it at all. He’s a dick wad."
"Excellent choice of insult."
"It’s fitting."
My mom pulls her car into the turn around outside the hospital doors. She waves like I don’t recognize the lime green mini SUV.
The pain in my back feels acutely worse as my heart lightens.
"My mom is going to take me home. Do you still have the keys to the truck?"
"Yeah, right here."
Instinctively I glance up and I see Laney standing on the sidewalk across the driveway. I pull my phone down and disconnect the call. She walks towards me, each step sending a ripple effect of joy through my body.
When she walked out of the emergency department room, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see her again. Not in the way I wanted to anyway. I was desperate to talk to her, to see her, to chase after her.
But now? She’s coming to me.
She’s accepting me. All of me.
I can’t erase who I was, I can’t redo my past. But I can choose who I am today.
And I choose to be the man who loves this woman. To wake up every morning and try to be the man she deserves.
