"Fuck off Miguel!" She says as she crosses her arms.
"Wait, no, that's a good thing. Laney," I try to stand but pain shoots up my spine. Shit. I stay seated and plead with her from the ground. "Listen, please. I didn't mean it like that. I meant,that, you're, fuck Laney, you're the shake up I needed. You're the threat to the control I have meticulously constructed and it’s exactly what I needed."
Laney shifts her weight to the other leg and cocks her hip. Waiting for me to continue is a good sign. She hasn't written me off yet.
I haven’t driven her away with my selfishness.
How many second chances am I going to get in this life?
It might kill me to see the pain in her face when I tell her but I have to try and explain even if my body is trembling with fear. I take a breath, closing my eyes and bracing myself for the disappointment in her eyes that is bound to come.
"I struggled with substance misuse for six years." Her face falls. "It started my last year of college when I got prescription pain meds for a basketball injury and the relief was too good.
"At the time I didn’t think there was another way to feel happiness. I know now, you taught me. But back then, all I felt was the absence of pain. I was numb."
And I pray the pity, and concern, in Laney’s features is a testament to how much happiness we have been able to create together.
She sees me for how far I’ve come. She’s trying to imagine me at my lowest.
If she leaves me now I fear I’ll be headed straight back there again.
"It spiraled from there. At my lowest point I nearly overdosed but was saved because my dealer sold me short. If he hadn't skimped on four pills I wouldn't be here today. That mother fucker saved my life."
I think back on that time. I had picked them up and literally threw the whole packet in my mouth as I left his doorstep. Two hours later he texted and said he had shorted me on purpose.
"A fucking dealer with a heart of gold, he said in his text to me. I remember reading it and barely being able to make the words out." I look up at Laney, "from the floor of my bathroom where my legs had given out, I called my mother and she picked me up and dropped me off at the hospital without a word. And if you knew my mother you’d know her silence is more of a punishment than any tongue lashing would be."
"Miguel," Laney starts but then she looks away. God, I'm so ashamed. I haven't talked about that night in years. I had to at the beginning of rehab but since then I have kept it vaulted away. Part of the control mechanisms I live by.
"Stan at EPIC knows my history. When I first hit the Ultra Marathon circuit and then the TitaniumPerson races he was around and when I wouldn’t come out for a post-race beer with him one too many times he pushed and I admitted I was in recovery."
I shift again trying to reach for her, desperate to feel our connection. But this time I wince with pain.
"Are you hurt?" Laney asks as she crouches down in front of me.
"Maybe, but I need to talk to you first. I need you to hear me out."
"You idiot." She curses. "We will talk later, I need to think about all this anyway, and what better way to do it than by taking you to the hospital. Silently."
Chapter thirty
Laney
Hit and Run
Hehasaslippedfucking disc in his lower back. The moron. But honestly, I don't think I would have stopped if he hadn't thrown himself at me. And if I hadn’t stopped, I wouldn’t know everything I know now.
"Hola Mamá," Miguel says with resignation as the door to his room opens. He called her on our way in while I drove his truck using my eyebrows to communicate my instructions.
Miguel’s mom is a petite woman and the picture definition ofabuela. Silvery hair pulled back in a bun at the back of her head. A bright orange maxi dress. A crocheted bag made of daisy squares and a flood of words tittering from her mouth.
"Ay,Miguelito," she starts. "It was only a matter of time before you did something to get yourself hurt. How did it happen? How did you get here? Why isn't there an IV? Where's the X-ray? Are they sure your head is okay? Do you need a CAT scan?"
"Mamá, it's alright. It is just a slipped disk and a bruised tailbone from a fall."
"How did you fall? Oh heavens, did you get hit by a car?"
"Not a car..." he leads and shrugs as he flicks his gaze to me.
