Within seconds, I stumble backwards as memories from the life before my last crash through my mind like a giant wave. Tears stream down my cheeks as I find myself laughing as I cry, filled with joy that Iremember.
I remember baking donuts with Milly in the kitchen. I remember taking a picture of her holding a book under a beautiful weeping willow. I remember our first kiss in the library on the second floor by the romance novels we frequented. I remember it all, and most viscerally, I remember dying.
My bare feet crunch along the frozen ground, maintaining their temperature. I shake my head at not being chilled by the ice. “Just find Milly,” I whisper to myself, desperate to find her as these memories begin to overwhelm me. I can’t worry about this right now. I refuse to. I can feel my heart breaking in my chest at the realization that my life ended so quickly and easily once again. Is this what forever will be like? Constant pain and longing?
I clench my jaw and push through the trees as the thoughts race through my mind. Their nagging forces me to acknowledge them, but fuels my desire to find her more.
I stop suddenly and look around. The sensation of someone watching me makes my skin crawl. I look around, only seeing the occasional shadow fluttering behind a tree.
“Hello?” There’s no sound, no response. The shadow disappears. “Come out,” I shout again, but nothing peeks out. I wait a moment, a moment that should be filled with fear or panic, but I don’t sense alarm. The unknown being feels safe, but that confuses me even more. I shake my head and rush forward towards the campus.
The forest floor gradually becomes warmer, the snow disappearing as I get closer to the campus. I exhale a shaky breath when I slide to a halt. The chapel is right in front of me, but there are no students walking around. I tiptoe along the treeline and see caution tape around the building.
There is a detective on the front steps animatedly talking on the phone, and I recognize some staff members speaking to the police as well.What day is it?
I divert to the back of the chapel and rush quickly to the door that brought me to my fate. I attempt to grab the handle when my hand continues to fall through it. My jaw trembles, fear overtaking my senses as the realization finally clicks. I’m really fucking dead.
I attempt several more times before I internally scream and rush through the door. My body trembles as I find myself on the other side of the door, and disbelief shakes through me.Just get to Milly.I race up the stairs with the utmost ease and slow down when I see the door to Milly’s apartment.
I start to walk toward it when I stop. If she’s not here, how do I go on? I start to cry as I curl up in a ball outside her door. The fear that Milly might not be on the other side of that door has me frozen in place. I don’t want to know what it is like to experience a life without her afterknowing all that we’ve shared. My chest tightens until it hurts to breathe, if that’s even what I’m doing now. Another realization dawns on me. This is exactly what Mildred went through all those years ago.Alone.
I sob relentlessly, as the hurt in my chest feels too big to hold onto. I let out a scream when I feel a soft, familiar touch. But this time, it’s not cold. I hesitantly lift my head up and see Milly’s jaw open in shock.
“Grace?” she asks.
I throw myself into her arms, pushing her backwards onto her back as I bury my head into her neck.
“Milly!” I scream and sob uncontrollably at the fact that she is still here.
“How? How are you here, Grace? I—Isawyou go into that mirror! How do you stand before?—”
I place my hands on the side of her face and press my lips against hers. She dives into the kiss with me. I feel her tears pour from her eyes onto my cheeks.
She’s still here. She’s still here.
She pulls away and looks all over me. “It is not possible, Grace. It cannot be?—”
I kiss her again and again until she pulls back.
“I’m here, Milly. I have no idea how, but I’m here, and you’re here?—”
She throws her fingers into my hair as she pulls me closer to her body, kissing me with a passion I’ve never felt before. I moan into her mouth as the familiar taste of cinnamon tingles on my tongue. She feels warm. She feelsalive.
I can’t help the joyful giggle, and I feel Milly smile against my lips.
To think that I may have losther?That she might have lostme?I lose myself in her touch, desperate to feel her, to know that she really is here. Her hands run along my body too, surely checking that this is real as well.
“My eyes don’t deceive me,” she whispers along my neck in soft kisses.
“I’m here. You’re here,” I reassure her…us.
I lean back to take in every inch of her. She looksexhausted.Her eyes are swollen, and she lacks color in her cheeks. The vibrant flush I’m so used to is gone. She looks empty… broken. I feel my heart squeeze tightly at the thought of her having to go through this again. I lift my hand up to her cheek and stare into her eyes.
“I’m so so sorry, Milly. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you’ve gone through again, but if it meant that you were safe, I would do it all again.” I kiss her nose as a tear falls down my face.
“But I can promise you I willalwaysfind my way back to you. One way or another. I love you, Milly.”
The flush I’ve grown familiar with graces her cheeks faintly as tears fall from her beautiful eyes. “I love you so much, Grace.” She leans up, pressing her lips against mine once more as our kisses continue to become more frantic, when she abruptly stops.
