“I am. Mostly.” She shrugs her shoulders, drops her eyes to her plate and pushes her food around with her chopsticks. Her voice lowers to a murmur. “Happy, that is.”
“And what’s lacking?” I’m glad we’re in public. She’s right. It always gets physical with us. Right now, my hands itch to scoop her into my arms and wrap around her until she feels like part of my skin, until she stops looking sad.
She shrugs again but doesn’t answer.
“Just say it. Even if it sounds crazy. I promise I won’t judge or laugh.”
“You.” She looks up under her lashes, her cheeks blooming.
I swallow the roll around the lump in my throat. The girl fucking owns me. I don’t think she realizes how much. I know she doesn’t. For all her confidence everywhere else, how can she not know what she is to me? “I’m right here.”
She shakes her head. “But you’ll leave. You’ll go back.” She shoves her plate away from her and drops the chopsticks.
“Ever, don’t do that. Finish your dinner. I’m here. I’m staying . . . as long as you want me. Okay? Don’t waste ‘the best sushi around.’” I use finger quotes on her words.
She rewards my efforts with a little laugh and nods her head. “It is, right?” She tucks it away.
If you don’t know her, you miss it. But I don’t. I see all of her. And I play along, let her turn the page.
“It’s pretty damn good.” I pick up a roll from her plate and feed it to her.
After she swallows the bite, she sobers and says, “But you’ll go back eventually.”
Nope, not gonna ignore it. And I’m secretly glad she doesn’t.
“I don’t want to go through that again. Feel that again. Missing you. Not having you. I can’t do it again. Especially now. Not after the last couple days.”
“What are you saying?” My brows pinch together. “Do you . . . want to go back with me?”
She shakes her head so her hair fans around her shoulders. “I can’t go back there.” She looks horrified for a quick moment at the mention of Blue Lake. Then it’s gone and she adds, “I’ve got school and I really do love my life here.” She rolls her lips inward, pinching them together.
I nod because I’ve considered this—that Blue Lake may be tainted for her now. I sense she doesn’t want to say it plainly but isn’t done, so I wait. “I just want you to be in it. Too,” she tacks on.
“Okay.” I blink but watch her and wait.Say it, Ever. Ask me to stay.
“Okay? Like you’ll come here? To live?” Her eyes grow saucer-like and she blinks expectantly. “Blue Lake is your home, your life.”
“If you want me in your life, I will be in your life. However, wherever, whenever.”
Her eyes light up, swimming with emotion. She smiles so big both dimples pop and the corners of her eyes crinkle. Then my girl tucks it all away with a few hasty blinks and snags the last roll off her plate and pops it into her mouth, smiling as she chews.
I smile, too, and swallow the lump in my throat so I can finish my rolls, thankful again we’re in public or I’d lift her off her feet so that she’d wrap her legs around me and I’d kiss her until we were both panting for each other.I’m letting her love me, Doc. I am.“Blue Lake may have saved me once, maybe you, too, but I found out the hard way that my home isn’t a place. It’s you.”
One tear spills from her brimming eyes unchecked, and she’s never looked more beautiful.
“You’re the only home I’ve ever known. You’re my home, Ever. I wasn’t sure I’d get the chance to tell you that. Show you that. It’s easy to show you physically what you mean to me. I can’t regret that we tend to fall back on sex because being intimate with you is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Therapy is helping me with the rest of it. I promised myself that if I ever got another chance with you, I’d do everything I could to show you I can be the kind of man who deserves your love. And now I’m promising you, Ever. I can be him. Iamhim. Please let me prove it to you.”
Her silent tears flow unchecked as she reaches across the table and lays her palm against my cheek. My answer is her nod and then her smile that shows both dimples. Then her smile dips, just for a second, before she forces the full stretch of it back to her lips.
If I didn’t know every expression she’s got, I’d have missed it. I want to ask her about it, but I’m not sure I want to know—especially if it changes her mind. Or mine.
Chapter 29
Everly
Julian is leaving. Two days together flew by. I remind my heart it’s not forever. Still, I spiral a little watching him throw his bags into the back of his Jeep and hug Allie and Ashley. Once they turn to go inside the main house, I push off the front fender and step into his arms.
“I don’t want you to go.”
