He still waits, saying nothing.
“I mean it. Okay?”
“Okay.” He nods. “Of what then?”
I shrug. “Of not getting what I want?”
“And what do you want?” He tucks a wet strand of hair behind my ear, the ritual so familiar it tugs at me.
I lean in and press my forehead to his, close my eyes. Keeping them closed, I press my hands to his chest and gently push. “Can we do this with our clothes on?”
“I mean, we could try, but I don’t recommend it.” His dimples wink at me before he sobers and adds, “Kidding. Yes. I’ll run up and change. Meet you at your place?”
“Let’s go to sushi. Are you hungry?”
“I could eat.”
“I’ll drive. Ten minutes at my car?”
“Yep.” He plants a quick kiss on my lips and leans into my ear and whispers, “If it’s within my power, I’ll always give you what you want. Whatever you want. Always.” Before I can even think to respond, he pivots and leaves, the door clicking closed behind him.
Chapter 28
Julian
Holding her hand in the car, I ask her the little things I’m curious about. “How’d you meet Tatum and Lennon?”
“I met Tatum in Payson Library on campus. Then weirdly ran into her and her sister on the beach about a week later. Malibu gives small-town vibes, so maybe it’s not that weird.” Her soft giggle is giving nervous energy, so I squeeze her hand and note her dimple popping in my periphery. Another soft giggle and she continues. “They’d been surfing and were walking back to their car. I was reading on the beach. Tatum recognized me.” She quickly turns to smile at me before pulling her face back to the road.
“They seem fun. I, uh, saw Lennon, I’m pretty sure, getting friendly with Seth outside the cottage earlier.”
“That tracks.” She laughs. “Lennon is . . . friendly. And Seth is . . . a college frat boy. But it was Tatum. I saw the way they flirted during the pool party.”
“So, he and Noah and Lilly aren’tlike—”
She cuts me off. “The truth is I don’t know. It’s a don’t ask, don’t tell kinda thing.”
“But you get what I’m asking.” I study her profile now.
“Oh yeah. It’s . . . let’s just say I’ve wondered, too. But I stay out of it and don’t judge.”
“That’s what I love about you.” I freeze the moment the words leave my mouth, then rush on to cover up what I said. “I mean, you have this innate ability to meet people where they are, accept them as they are. It’s incredible. And beautiful.” I sober on the last part.So beautiful—inside and out.I’m not sure when I became a human Hallmark card, but thankfully Ever’s sarcastic nature is alive and well to keep things light.
“A perfect military brat.” She salutes me with a crooked smile. “I tuck it all away, ignore it. Suck it up. As a psych major, I recognize the flaws, the patterns, that it’s my default setting.” She shrugs, keeping her eyes on the road. “Until it becomes too much. Then I run.” She slants a quick glance my way, then returns her eyes to the road and says, “Or tell the man I love to fuck off. Then run.” The smile she gives me is anything but happy—more self-deprecating and maybe a little guilty.
“Like I said, I don’t think I gave you much choice.” I bring her hand to my lips. “I don’t blame you, Ever.” She smiles again, but it looks sad, even in profile. “In a way, I’m relieved you left—like it was better, safer for you to be away from me.”
“I know. I came around to that—eventually. Not the safer part, but thatyou thoughtit was.” She squeezes my hand before releasing it to claim the steering wheel with both hands, turning into a parking lot off the PCH. “Still, anger is a great motivator. I was determined to make a life for myself, by myself. One I love.” Putting the car in park,she turns to smile at me—a real one this time. “We’re here. Best sushi around.” Through the windshield I take in the ramshackle building, weathered siding, peeling blue and green paint and a faded sign: The Salty Roll. As she follows my gaze out the windshield, maybe seeing it through my eyes, she adds, “I promise it’s delicious.”
With the air still warm and sticky, we opt for a table inside, near the windows so we can see the ocean. Ever asks me to trust her and orders for us. I observe quietly—in awe really—the young woman she’s become. So confident and sure of herself. So at home in this life I know nothing about. I don’t look at my socials, but even if I did, I don’t think I’d see hers. She blocked me from her phone. I assumed that meant she blocked me from those, too. Even if she didn’t, I didn’t think I’d be strong enough to see the highlight reels of her life without me. Once I started therapy again, I strived to do the right thing, the healthy thing, despite how I felt. Dr. Carver and I talk a lot about how it’s fine to feel our emotions, but we can’t always trust that they’re accurate. Spiraling about things I can’t control is counterproductive.
“What’s going on in there?” She points a chopstick at my forehead and smiles around a mouthful of tuna roll.
Before I can answer, she picks up another roll and stuffs it in my mouth, giggling.So self-assured.Mesmerizing. Smiling, I cover my mouth with my fingers as I chew. The rolls are delicious, maybe the best I’ve ever tasted. “I just love seeing you like this.”
“Like what?” She looks genuinely confused.
I shrug and pick up another roll. “Happy? Confident.” I nod once and eat another roll.
