“Will you tell me about your life?” I fold my arms on my bent knees and lay my cheek on them, watching her.
“I got into Pepperdine. I start in the fall.”
She’s not coming back to Blue Lake.
I smile, force it to reach my eyes. “I’m so proud of you.” And I am, but it feels heavy.
“Oh, and I’m Ever Tate now. Professionally. Like on my socials. They manage them. Ashley’s people. I still don’t like social media. And my brand is Ever Fit. It’s a whole thing and goes hand in hand withmy degree. Ashley’s got it all figured out. I just show up. But I love it, where it’s all headed. Where I’m headed.”
I listen, watching the waves roll in. The sound of her voice pulls at me. I reach my hand down and rest it on the sunbaked skin of her leg. I need the contact. Proof that she’s right here next to me, talking to me. “Sounds incredible. I don’t do social media either. Not sure I ever will. Good thing Ashley has people for that.” I smile at her, keeping it light.
“What about you? What’s new? Besides your jacked physique?” She shoves my bicep and winks at me.
“Yeah, I’ve been going hard. It calms my nervous system, helps me sleep. That and therapy.”
She sits up on that comment. “That’s big, Julie. Super inspiring. You know I’m a psych major, right?”
“I do.”
“Do you want to talk about it? I mean, I’d love to hear how it’s going.”
“Sure. If you really want to know. I’m getting better at that. Talking about stuff.”
“I can’t say the same. I study it. Implementing is a whole other thing.”
“At least you’re honest.”
We stare at each other, soft smiles on our lips, eyes lingering long after the smiles fade. The electricity between us crackles, neither wanting to break the spell.
She finally does and turns her gaze back to the sea. “What happened with your parents? Can you talk about it?” She holds her breath.
“Yeah. The short answer is I mostly don’t know.” I follow her gaze and watch the waves crash onto the sandy shore, the foam slides back out. The air’s already shifted from warm to hot. My shoulders sizzle a little with the rising sun. “The wheels of justice turn slow. Todd is locked up, waiting for trial. He pled not guilty but the evidence and witness accounts are pretty damning. What I hear is he’ll be lucky if he doesn’t get life.”
Nodding, she faces me when she asks, “And your mom?”
I shrug because it’s so much. Where do I begin? I say what I’m thinking. “I don’t know where to even begin with her. She entered a court-mandated rehab facility, maybe long-term.”
“Did you talk to her?”
I shake my head and watch a wave roll in and the surfer riding it. “I don’t think I want to. They . . . just wanted money. An inheritance my grandfather McKay left me. It wasn’t much, but to them I guess it was. I put it all in a trust for her, if she stays clean and sober—and away from him. There are stipulations in place to keep her from giving it to him or buying drugs with it. The trustee will handle it and I can wash my hands of her, him, all of it.”
“And you’re okay with that? Never seeing them? Her?” She’s leaning back on her hands, so I twist a little to see her face.
“I really am. I never had any kind of real relationship with them anyway. According to my therapist, it’s why I have such a hard time letting people in—why I shut you out.” I make myself look her in the eyes when I admit that.
She nods, her eyes filling with tears. “I tried. To stay.”
I cut her off. “I know. I know you did. I’m so sorry, Everly. I . . . the thought of my shit life hurting you. It wrecked me. I told myselfthat pushing you away was the only way to keep you safe. Part of me still feels that way—the old me. Dr. Carver says that’s a lie. Those thoughts are lies. I know that now, logically. Catching up emotionally takes a little . . . a little more work. I remind myself that the old thought patterns are the lie. That the new thoughts, patterns I’m building, are the truth.” I blow a long breath out through puffed cheeks and turn my head back to the horizon. “But I’ve done the work, Ever. I am doing the work.”
Placing her hand on my shoulder blade, she rubs light circles. “I can tell. But Julian, it wasn’t all you. It was a perfect storm. I watched you pull away and it reminded me of my dad when he’d return from deployment. He was there with us but he wasn’t. My mom would get so sad. He was almost better when he was overseas fighting for a cause, more alive. My whole life has been one big avoidance shit show. First books, then Blue Lake, now Malibu. I’m sorry I ran, bailed on you. On us.” I shake my head, cutting her off.
“No. I’m glad you did.” I reach for her hand, bring it to my lips and watch her as I say, “I was a train wreck and taking you down with me. I never wanted to hurt you. I still don’t. I’m so happy you’re happy.” I feel the pressure build behind my eyes, so I look the opposite way, stare down the beach and blink it away. “You were strong enough to walk away when I wasn’t. And look what you’ve made for yourself. It’s incredible. You’re incredible.”
“Thank you, Julie. I do love it here. Allie and Ashley spoil me—like the kid they never had. It’s almost embarrassing, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love the attention.”
A laugh rumbles in my chest. “I get that. And your friends? The twins?”
“They’re great. We met on campus. Tatum and I study the same major. They taught me how to surf. We’ve been inseparable since day one. How about you? Still see Taya?” She squints at me and places her free hand on her forehead to block the glare of the sun off the water.
