“Yeah, that’s fair. But we do have to talk. We can’t just pick up after seven months like nothing happened.”
“By the look on your face, you already did that.”
I fling water at her and stretch out on my board to begin paddling. “Saved by the set,” I call as I paddle faster to catch the wave.
Chapter 24
Julian
God, she’s even more beautiful now than yesterday. Standing at the top of the stairs leading to the beach, looking out over the ocean, my body reacts when I spot her on the water. She’s so small from here I can’t make out details, but I pick her out among the group and recognize her easily. Allie told me they went surfing, so I walked to the edge of the yard and the stairs intending to join them—to sit on the sand and watch anyway.
Seeing her with her friends laughing so casually, then catching waves and confidently riding them into the shore, I feel out of place—like I don’t belong or fit into her world anymore. I opt to lean on the railing and watch from here. Their voices float up to me sporadically, combined with the constant roar of the ocean. It’s evident she loves her life in Malibu. By the look of her physique, body language and overall demeanor, it agrees with her. Maybe even more than Blue Lake.Maybe more than me?I rub the dull ache in my chest, tap my collarbone to keep calm at the thought that maybe she’s over me. She didn’t seem over me last night.Fuck, when did I become thisguy? Pining for a girl like a lovesick schoolboy. She’s notagirl. She’sthegirl.
For six months I’ve been working on how to ask for what I want, to let people give it to me, love me. If I don’t have the conversation, I’ll never know. That’s the problem. We don’t seem to be able to keep our hands off each other long enough to have one. We’ll never have it if I don’t put myself in a place to have one, like joining her on the beach, meeting her new friends. My friends are down there, too. I deserve to see my friends, visit with them.Right?Only one way to find out.
Stripping off my shirt, I take off down the stairs. I still don’t love cardio, but it’s a necessary evil. Plus, a run might calm my nerves before I face her, them. Once I hit the sand, I strike out in the opposite direction that they’re surfing.Coward.I could’ve used my earbuds and playlist right about now to drown out the voice in my head. Instead, I ask myself what Dr. Carver would say.People want to love and be loved. That’s the standard. The rarity is people like your parents. Remember that. Does Ever want to love me still? After last night, I want to believe so.
Sweat drips into my eyes as I run out of beach. I stop in the wet sand and bend at the waist, hands braced on my knees and catch my breath. Waves swish my ankles, the cooling relief inviting me into the surf. I wade out three or four steps and plunge into the salty sea, dunking under the surface and paddling out. Instantly refreshed, I return to shore and walk back toward Ashley’s stairs and the group of surfers.
As I approach the place I started from, Ever catches another wave. I stop to watch, mesmerized by her grace on the board. She always claimed she wasn’t athletic but bookish. Watching her, I categorically disagree. She’s incredible. I can’t help the smile, the swell in my chest.I clock the moment she notices me. It throws her off and she loses her balance. The wave takes her and the board under. The board pops up, getting tossed, but I don’t see Ever. I run into the shallow water, searching for her, when she pops up and swims to her board and wades into shore with it tucked under her arm. My shoulders drop, my hand rubbing my chest in slow circles.
She approaches me, grinning. “Morning, Julie. How’d you sleep?”
“Are you okay?” I reach for her, hold her bicep and study her face.
“Yeah,” she chuckles. “I don’t love eating sand, but yeah, I’m good.”
“You look amazing out there.” My eyes comb every inch of her face for proof she’s fine.
“Thanks. You look amazing wet.” She drops her jaw like she shocked herself, her face crimson. “I mean . . . did you go for a swim?” She drops her board on the sand next to us.
“A run, then a swim to cool off.” She dips her chin, but I’m too charmed by her words to let her duck me. “And I slept great. Best night’s sleep in—”
“Months,” she finishes. “Me too.”
“Can we talk?” I hold my breath for her answer.
“I hope so. Maybe on a public beach in broad daylight will help.” One corner of her mouth quirks and she squints up at me.
I tuck a lock of wet hair behind her ear and wink. “We’ll be good. We’ve got an audience.” I toss my head toward the group strolling in from the ocean, the five of them moving like one.
“Damn, J, go easy on the weights, brother. You lookin’ huge.” Noah claps me on the back.
“It’s kinda my job.” I hold my hands out low to my sides, palms up.
Ever speaks up, “Hey, why don’t you guys get cleaned up, I’ll be up in a few. Tatum, Lennon, you guys can use my shower.”
“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” The taller blonde speaks up.
“Oh yeah, my bad. Julian, this is Tatum and Lennon, my friends from Pepperdine.”
“So nice to finally meet you, Julian.” The taller twin, Lennon, tosses her head at me.
Her sister lightly backhands her arm.
“I call dibs on our shower,” Lilly says to no one in particular. “See you up there. Hey, J-man.” She knocks my arm with hers as she moves past us toward the stairs. That she’s casual and . . . normal with me does something to my insides. It gives me courage. ‘Most people aren’t judging you the way you think they are. Those thoughts are mostly our thoughts about ourselves.’ Thank you, Claire Carver.
“Wanna sit?” Ever flops onto the sand, stretching out, her head on her board. With her arm slung over her eyes to block the sun, she tilts her head toward me and her gray eyes blink slow as I sit next down next to her and nod in answer.
