I let her and force my arms up and around her slight frame and squeeze.
She lifts herself up on her toes and presses her lips to my ear. “It’s just us tonight. Ever is in her cottage.” She places a maternal kiss to my cheek and says louder, “So glad you’re here, Julian. I’ve missed you.”
She called her Ever. Is that what she goes by now? I don’t know how to feel about that. It wasmyname for her. Hearing Allie use it so casually is a little like taking a bullet. I rub the spot on my chest, the one that now holds her name. “Me too.” I smile again. “Mind if I head up and shower before dinner? Ash made me do a demo for some new members today, so I’m sweaty.”
“Of course. Take your time. Dinner is chicken salad, so it can be served any time.”
I nod and cross the kitchen to head upstairs to my room. As soon as my foot touches the first stair, I grab the banister and take a couple deep gulps of air. Air that doesn’t smell like her. It’s going to be fine. Taking the stairs two at a time, I strip off the T-shirt as I enter the guest room they put me in. Not the same room we stayed in together. This one is across the hall and overlooks the backyard, pool and hot tub.Off to the right is the cottage and the driveway where my Jeep and the 4Runner are parked. I lean on the window frame and look beyond the yard where the horizon meets the ocean and wonder what it’ll be like to see her again for the first time in seven months.
I must summon her with my thoughts because the cottage door opens and there she is, stepping out onto the welcome mat in bare feet. She’s in a white gauzy romper that barely skims the top of her thighs. Gaping armholes show off her torso and the sports bra underneath. I drink her in, swallowing like she’s water in a desert. Her body has changed. For one, her skin is darker, richly tanned, more prominent in the white fit. The vee of her lats is more defined, her shoulders and arms more sculpted. She’s surfing. I’d bet money on it. That’s her board in the 4Runner. Part of me is jealous that I don’t know anything about her anymore. Part of me is proud she’s living her best life. That’s the part that has my heart pounding like it wants to escape my chest, my abs clenching at the heat swirling there.
Lilly’s old Bronco pulls in behind the 4Runner, and Lilly throws her door open and then hurls herself into Ever’s arms. “Ever! My girl.” She’s throwing her arms around Lilly and she laughs. Nope,thatwas like taking a bullet. That sound pushes me away from the window, silently sliding it closed so I can’t hear her voice. The laugh,her laugh, almost brings me to my knees. I’m not sure I can do this. Does she miss me at all? For seven months, I’ve been telling myself I didn’t want her to miss me, that I wished her a good, happy life filled with all the things she deserves. And I do. Is it wrong that I hope she misses me a little, too? Mostly, I keep myself running so hard I’m too exhausted to think about how much I miss her. I can’t pretend here though, when she’s right in front of me. It’s why I haven’t been down here since she left.
I finish stripping off my clothes and move into the adjoining bathroom. I step under the ceiling-mounted rainfall shower head. The water is chilled but does nothing to douse the flames seeing her ignited. Water sluices over my body and I imagine it’s her hands. My body reacts instantly.
It’s always the same. She shoves me against the wall, fire in her eyes.
“Fuck you, Julian. Fuck me.”
“I got you, Ever.” Her skin is silk, her core wet, ready for me, always. I slide into her and capture her moan with my kiss. I can’t stop. She doesn’t want me to. Her moans urge me on, faster, deeper, harder. I’m panting, about to come. I should wait for her to come. She doesn’t want me to.
“Come for me, Julie.”
And I do. “Ughhh, yes, Ever. So good. Yes, baby. Mmmm.”
I come back to reality with one hand bracing the tiled wall in front of me, the other wrapped firmly around my dick, my head hanging low under the now lukewarm water of the shower. Catching my breath, I soap my hands and scrub them over my body and try to put her out of my mind. That she’s within reach makes it harder. I don’t have my murderous routine here to drive her out of my head, and I don’t have the gift of distance to make seeing her an impossibility. I drag on some cotton shorts and a muscle tee and wonder how I’ll get through dinner. I’m not the least bit hungry, but I’ll eat for my health and, if for nothing else, to avoid Allie’s scrutiny. The way she continues to meet me where I’m at is probably why I stayed when she found me in the first place all those years ago. She doesn’t push—at least not in an obvious way.
Putting me in a room that overlooks Everly’s cottage might be a subtle nudge to face what haunts me. She’s never asked for details. Shetook my flimsy excuse of staying in Blue Lake at face value. Even Ashley accommodated me, sending Callie and Auz to me whenever they needed footage or content. While they’re not pushing for a reunion, time is running out. I’ll have to see her tomorrow at the party. Will she talk to me? The last thing she said to me lives rent-free in my head.“Fuck you, Julian.”I tried texting her on her birthday in February, but it didn’t go through. She blocked me.As she should.I sent lavender roses to her here, no card, and never got a response. Not that I expected one, but I couldn’t let her birthday pass without . . . something. She still owns every piece of my heart. I’m just trying to figure out how to let her have it, if she even wants it anymore.
Chapter 19
Everly
I’ve been tracking Lilly for the last twenty minutes, so I see when she arrives outside my door. I ignore the pull of the main house and who’s inside and focus all my energy on seeing my friends. It’s been too long—since New Year’s Eve. We talk and FaceTime regularly. I’ve been sending them surfing videos Tatum and Lennon capture. I think Seth might be the most fired up about that. If I stamp down the utter thrall of the tall, dark, blue-eyed piece of my heart just footsteps from where I stand, I find I’m beyond giddy to see her. All of them. That they still function as a unit intrigues and puzzles me.
Lilly always evades any deep dives into the details, and because I don’t want deep dives into mine, I respect it. But it’s rare they are not all together.
Lilly throws open the door of her Bronco and hurls herself into my arms. We’re dancing in circles hugging each other, laughing when Seth and Noah pull us apart and pretend to fight over who gets to hug me next. God, I’ve missed them, and now we can talk surfing and even go together before they leave. I’m fucking stoked to show them my skills.It almost usurps the weight of the other guest I’ve yet to see. His Jeep being parked here next to mine is enough to keep him in the forefront though.
Once the hugs are done, Lilly wastes no time noticing it, too. She tosses her head toward it and asks cooly, “So . . .?”
I just shrug in response.
Seth, quite the closet empath, drops his arm over my shoulders and pivots toward the door. “So,” he says pointedly and swings his gaze to Lilly. “Give us the tour. This place is next level.”
“Well, this is my cottage,” I reply, grateful for the intervention.
Lilly and Noah grab the bags from the car and follow us inside.
“Don’t worry, Seth. We got the bags,” Noah deadpans from the rear of the car. To Lilly he says, “I miss J-man.” Though he says it for her ears only, I hear him. So does Seth because he tightens his grip on me and presses a kiss to my cheek.
His sweet gesture has tears pressing on the backs of my eyes. I blink rapidly to check them.
As we walk inside, I look up and over my shoulder, the pull undeniable. The second-story window is empty but I felt it—him. Did Allie put him in that room on purpose?Not tonight.I wipe his face from my mind and focus my attention on Seth. “What are we drinking? But we’re not getting fucked up. We have a party tomorrow.”
“Don’t worry, I’m a professional.”
“Well, I am not. So be cool.”
