Brandi doesn’t look up and Todd still isn’t moving. She’s shaking him and calling his name.
As soon as I’m through the opening, I turn and raise my hands above my head and walk toward the deputy. After a few steps, he tells me to turn around and kneel. I comply as he cuffs my wrists behind my back.
“Who else is in there?”
I don’t say it’s my mom. “Brandi Keller. Todd Keller, but he was unconscious. He fell and the gun went off.” The deputy begins calling through the PA for Brandi to come out now.
I hear the door open behind me. I can’t turn my head enough to see her, but I hear her footsteps on the metal stairs.
Then she’s kneeling on the ground several yards away from me, blood smeared on her hands and arms. Accusation clear on her face before she swings her gaze from mine.
Swirling nausea threatens to climb into my throat.
Angling my neck, I scan the yard—forher. She’s standing with Taya and Mitch.Taya, too?Fuck my life. I lock eyes with Ever’s ashen ones. She can’t be here. My breathing hitches and grows shallow as I stare at her, my vision closing in on me.Look away.I focus behind her and catch Mitch’s scrutiny. Will he help me? I have to try. “Mitch, get them out of here,” I beg him through gritted teeth.
He understands the assignment. He places his body between me and Ever, blocking her from my view and hers from me.
Deputies are entering the house now as two more patrol cars show up.
One emerges from the house and calls for the EMTs. I don’t know if Todd is dead or alive, but he must need medical attention. As the EMTs rush inside, the deputies confer. I can’t make out everything they’re saying, but they can’t find the gun. That much I catch. I glance sideways at Brandi, who won’t look at me—my own mother. To be fair, she was never one. Not really. Did she hide the gun? She must’ve. They would’ve found it otherwise.
“Got it,” one of the deputies calls as his footsteps clunk down the porch steps.
Brandi’s eyes swing to mine again as he walks past us, delicately holding a plastic bag with a gun visible inside. Her watery glower tells me she tried. My lips flatten and I turn my head in disgust. Not disgust, resolve. Did I expect anything different? She always backed him up no matter what.
Deputy Belson, his uniform says, helps me stand and takes me to the backseat of his car, ducks my head and places me on the seat sideways, feet on the ground. Another deputy takes Brandi to anothercar and yet another is talking to Ever at the ambulance across the lot. She gestures wildly, her voice insistent, louder at times, though I can’t make out all the words. She’s defending me, I’ve no doubt.
I keep silently pleading with the gods or the universe that Mitch or Taya or someone will take her away from this dumpster fire of a scene. How is it you must pass a test to do basic things like drive a car but any piece of shit can become a parent? I feel dirty that Ever is seeing any of this. That Todd brought her here, possibly at gunpoint. Bile curdles in my stomach and climbs up my esophagus. I swallow thick saliva in fast, quick gulps to keep it down.
EMTs wheel a gurney off the porch toward the ambulance. Todd is still unconscious, head bandaged. So he didn’t accidentally shoot himself. Must’ve hit his head when he fell—when I kicked him.
I hang my head as they pass by. I don’t want to look at him. A shadow falling over me brings my head up. Deputy Belson says he needs my statement.
“I . . . my girlfriend texted meI need your help. I texted back but she didn’t answer, so I checked her location. When I saw it was . . . my old house, I came here.”
“Someone reported a gunshot.” He doesn’t ask a question, so I look up into his face, squinting against the sinking sun but don’t respond. “Did you see a gun?”
“Yeah. He . . . Todd pointed it at me. That’s when I kicked him. He fell over the chair. Then he stood up but fell again right away. Like passed out.”
“Okay, give me a few minutes, Mr. McKay. We should be able to let you go.”
“What happens to him? Her?” I toss my head toward the ambulance driving away and the other patrol car holding Brandi. I fucking hate that I care. Do I though? Or am I just making sure they can’t come near us again.Us.I can’t look at her. I feel disgusting and like the shit of my life is tainting the perfection that is her. I’ve always known she’s too good for me, but I kept her anyway. Now my shit is spilling onto her like I always feared it would. I let myself believe for a while that it wouldn’t. That it was in the past. That I was Julian McKay now. No longer Jayce Keller. But here I am back in this shitty trailer park, with the shitty humans that made sure I knew every day that I was shit, too.
“That depends on the evidence and the DA.” He steps away and talks with the other deputies on scene.
Across the lot, Taya wraps her arm around Ever’s shoulders, bringing my focus to them. She’s trying to steer her toward their truck, take her away from here.Thank you, Taya.She won’t leave, though, shrugging off the embrace, pulling away when Taya tries to hold her arm. She walks the three steps to the deputy that questioned her and motions toward me. The pitch of her voice rises, but the ringing in my ears won’t let me make out the words. I know she’s pleading for them to release me. Of course she is. She loves me. I shake my head to clear the buzz in my ears, in my head.
“Mr. McKay, stand up so I can remove the cuffs. You’re free to go. We may contact you for further questioning.”
I stand, head hanging, and turn around. As soon as the cuffs are unlocked and I turn back around, Ever throws herself into my arms. I catch her, robotically wrapping my arms around her. The scent of sunshine,her scent, combined with the familiar smell of that goddamn trailer swirl the bile in my stomach and force it up into my throat.Before I can stop it, I shove her off me, hunch sideways and hurl on the ground in the gap of the open cop car door.
“Ever, get out of here. Go with Taya and Mitch. Just get the fuck out of here.” The hand resting on my back slides down my spine and off me. She doesn’t back away though. Still bent over, I can see her feet behind mine. “Please. Let them take you home.” Both of our phones buzz relentlessly in our pockets. Lilly, I’m sure. “Call Lilly. Tell her you’re okay. I’ll see you there.”
Her feet shuffle backwards.
Once she turns to go, I straighten up and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I don’t turn around until I hear the truck doors open and close, the engine start and the truck pull away. I just hang my head and breathe through the nausea, bracing my arms on the open door and the hood of the cruiser.
Piece of shit had a gun—pulled a gun on Ever. Pressure behind my eyes burns like acid. I keep blinking to relieve the pressure. The dam wants to break. I claw the shirt on my chest, gasping for air. The gulps I suck in aren’t enough. My vision closes in, going black around the edges.
