“Of course, I can start anytime. If you need help before that-“
“No, it’s fine,” she reassures me. “I want you to have some time to settle in and to just get a feel for the pack. Spend some time with Felix.” She pauses. “And with Marina, of course,” she adds. “If you need more time, you don’t need to start so soon.”
I put a hand on my heart. “I am trying to come to terms with it,” I admit. “When I lost my dad, I was broken. Getting through a routine actually helped me.”
“Everyone grieves differently,” Aurelia says. “And no matter how you personally deal with losing your friend, it’s not wrong.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask. “But you need to promise me to keep it to yourself.”
“Of course,” Aurelia says.
I take a shaky breath, not sure if I should tell her, but I just want to get it out there. To finally tell someone. “I… I think part of me already said goodbye to Marina,” I admit, my chest clenching. There is a pressure in it that I feel every time too much guilt hits me. It seems like my guilt is triggered easily, but I can’t help it. “I love her, I want her to survive and become better, but I have spent over a year with her in that state and I… I think I knew she wouldn’t get better. I tried to tell myself otherwise, but I…” My voice trails off, making me feel frustrated that I can’t seem to find the words.
“I understand,” Aurelia says. “Your mind needs to rationalize it to help you push through. Gwen...” She takes my hand. “It’s okay to feel like that. And it’s okay to be relieved that she can finally rest.”
It’s one thing when my personal sunshine says something like this, but something else entirely when a person like Aurelia – older, more mature, much more confident and a clear leader – gives me the validation I didn’t know I needed.
Warm tears start to trickle down my face. “I feel so guilty,” I blurt out.
Aurelia pulls me into her arms. “It’s okay that you feel all these emotions, and internal voices are hard to shut up. I can offer you an outside voice, which I know many others share: You have nothing to feel guilty for, Gwen.”
It felt cathartic to cry and let it all out. Afterwards, I was finally able to make some real plans and talk with Aurelia about what she would need me to do, starting from next week. I hope I can live up to her expectations, but overall, the tasks she has in mind are pretty much in my wheelhouse.
Then I meet my mate for lunch.
“Gwen!” Felix comes running towards me, his brown eyes sparkling in joy when he looks at me. And just like every time I am in his presence, the heaviness around me seems to lessen; even the voice of guilt in my mind turns silent.
I wrap my arms around him and pull him into a kiss. Felix answers instantly, shoving one of his hands in the back pocket of my jeans, while his free arm sneaks around my waist and pulls me closer. Behind us, someone clears their throat.
“Oh!” My cheeks heat up when I spot Dario.
“I don’t want to be a cockblock,” he says. “But I‘d rather not watch my brother devour his mate!”
“Spoilsport,” Felix says, but immediately grins and takes my hand. “Are you hungry? I hope you are, because from today on, we’ll have some more veggie options. I know it’s not an awful lot in comparison to what the other pack members get to choose from, but you will at least have two options each day.”
“Are you kidding?! That is a lot, considering I am the only vegetarian in the pack!” I smack my cheeks to make me realize this is true. “Your family and pack are amazing.”
My words seem to make both Felix and Dario happy.
“Then let’s go,” Dario says. “Mom and Arden are having lunch now, too. I will join them, but if you two prefer...“
“No, I am fine with joining your family,” I say. I want everyone to know that I feel at home here and that I am truly thankful for everything the alpha‘s family is doing for me.
“When will you be joining the pack officially?” Dario asks. “It’s just a technicality, now, since Felix marked you.”
“Anytime,” I say. Secretly, Iwashoping they would ask me soon.
“How about tonight?” Felix offers. “Dad will be free in the evening, and I know he would love to add you to the pack and have you officially join the mind link.”
When I nod, Felix smiles in relief. As if I would have said no! But I guess we both have our insecurities. “I will link him immediately,” Felix says.
We walk in silence, waiting for him to finish his talk with his father before continuing our chat. “He is happy to do it,” Felix tells me.
For the rest of the way, Dario explains to us that Elden and Aurelia are skipping lunch because they are preparing for the alpha meeting. “They have invited some of their allies to talk about what happened with Marina,” he explains. “And in your pack, Verdant Forest.”
“Wow, that was quick!”
“Yeah, Dad never beats around the bush for long,” Felix says. “Liam is the same.”
