Felix's mouth drops open. “Really?” He pulls me into his arms. “That’s amazing! Because I love you, too.”
I wrap my arms around him, so glad that he is here. With Marina gone, I have lost the last connection to my old life, the only good thing that remained. Now Dad is gone, Tulip is gone, and she is gone, and it feels like part of my identity I was clinging to has been completely erased. Part of me feels like Faye will disappear from my life soon, too. Maybe not the way the others disappeared, but I know it won’t be the same anymore.
I am trying to tell myself that she will be happier that way. She can have a new start in life, a fresh one, but my heart feels a little broken that I need to let her go, too. It was the plan all along. I have talked about my role in her life plenty of times with Felix and Flora, since I came to this pack, but it’s different now that it’s happening.
I know Faye will be moving on, and she will do it without me.
But with Felix at my side, I am reminded that I‘m not alone anymore. This time, I have someone holding my hand along the way. I have someone who is in it with me and has become a constant in my life. He has marked me, I am his, and he isn’t going anywhere.
“How are you feeling?” Felix asks me. “I‘m getting a lot of mixed feelings through our bond.”
“Tense,” I admit. “And overall… weird.”
“Talk to me, if you want to,” he says softly. “I will listen.”
“It’s hard to put into words, but Marina is constantly on my mind. I miss her… but part of me is glad that she finally is able to rest. I said goodbye to her for the whole of last year. Deep down, I always knew she wouldn’t come back. And I also feel angry. So angry that her life ended like that. She was such a happy person.She was so full of life-“ Angry tears fill my eyes. “She was buzzing with life, and then someone sucked all the life out of her. Marina was like my sister, you know?”
Once I have said the words, I know they are true. It took her dying for me to realize that she was my family. The realization squeezes my lungs, my breath hitching before my angry tears turn into something much more devastating.
Anger is easy; it is distracting and makes it possible to vent. But grief is just overwhelming.
Felix doesn’t say anything, just keeps me tightly in his arms while I sob into his chest.
I never allowed myself to break down or to let my emotions out, with very rare exceptions – after Dad, and after Tulip’s death, with Daniel. But today is the first time that I feel safe in doing so.
“You must be getting a whiplash from all my emotions,” I say when Felix and I finally manage to leave our place. I have cried into his chest for an hour, before having my breakfast and then breaking down a fucking second time.
It’s embarrassing, yet it felt oddly cathartic.
“Not at all,” he reassures me. “Truth to be told, I am glad that you feel you can rely on me.”
Instead of an answer, I squeeze his hand.
“Do we know how Faye is doing?” I ask. “Would you link your mom, maybe?”
“Of course, but you can link her too.”
“I don’t know. Isn’t it weird? She is the Luna after all.”
“Why? You are my mate, and she is my mom. We are family now.”
Felix has a talent for summarizing a complicated situation with simple words and for uncomplicating it that way. Well then… if he says so-
Flora, I am sorry for interrupting you.
Oh, sweetheart, you aren’t interrupting anything,she reassures me.You can link me anytime.
I just wanted to ask about Faye.
She is okay,Flora says.Not great, but okay. It will take some time, but she hasn’t had another breakdown, although Marius had to leave and return to his pack, and Celine went to the meeting with Elden and Aurelia. They are preparing for Maddox’s visit.
I feel a little relieved that Faye has apparently calmed down a little.Where is she now?
She is with me,Flora says.She warmed up to me a little and agreed on staying with me.
I…My voice trails off. I don’t know what I want to say. I want to tell Flora that I will pick Faye up, but then, I don’t know if it would help her much. I want to offer for her to stay with me, but-
Just say it,Flora encourages me.You don’t need to overthink and discuss this with yourself.
