I lift my head and frown down at him. “I told you I love you.”
“I know. You have no idea what that means to me, and if that’s all I ever get from you, it will be enough. But I keep turning questions over and over in my mind because I don’t know what I can… I can hope for here. Because love looks different for different people. I want… I want everything from you. The whole traditional commitment package. But I don’t know what you want, and I don’t want to pressure or rush you. So can you… can you give me an idea of where you are right now? So I’ll… So I’ll know.”
A rush of affection floods my heart at his careful, stumbling monologue. I want to squeeze him, but I’m afraid it would hurt all the cuts on my skin.
So instead, I find and squeeze his hand. “Okay. I get it. Here’s what I’m thinking. I love you. All the way. I’ve never loved anyone like this before, and I doubt I will again. I want us to… to be together. All the way. When I return home, I want you to come with me. I’m committed. Exclusive. There’s not going to be anyone else for me.”
Micah inhales and lets it out in a loud, shaky rasp. He squeezes my hand. “Good. That’s good.”
“That’s what you want too?”
“Yes, that’s what I want.”
“I’d rather take it slow on anything else. I mean… marriage or… or whatever. I’ve never really wanted kids, so?—”
“I’m not asking for kids, baby. I wantyou, exactly as you are.”
“Okay. That’s good then.” I’m smiling against his chest, and I’m pretty sure he’s smiling too. But because my mind works this way, I say, “I’m a little worried about Logan though.”
“What are you talking about? Logan isn’t going to do anything to come between us.”
“I know that. That’s not what I mean. It’s just that… you’re part of the community here. These are your people. And if you love me exactly as I am, then you’ll understand that I love you that way too. Exactly as you are. And I want you to have all the things you want. Even this community.”
“I didn’t…” His voice wobbles audibly. “I didn’t think that was even an option.”
“I don’t know, Micah. I really don’t. I still don’t want to join up with Logan like that, but I don’t want to hold you back from it if you want to keep that connection. So maybe we can work out some sort of… some sort of part-time thing.”
“Part-time?” It’s clear from his voice that he’s smiling now.
“Yes. Something like that. So we can split time or whatever. Maybe we can figure something out.”
He readjusts me so he can see my face. He cups one of my cheeks in his hand. “You’d do that for me?”
“I love you. I’ll do whatever I need to do to make youhappy. And the truth is… Please don’t ever tell anyone that I’ve said this, but the truth is… Shit.”
I take a ragged breath and get it out. “The truth is, Logan isn’t as bad as I thought.”
An hour later,Micah comes back into the room after going to check about dinner.
“They’ve made a bonfire and are eating outside. I can bring you something. They wanted me to get my guitar, but I don’t have to. I can eat in here with you.”
I smile, touched by his attempts to be sensitive to my preferences. “You should join them. Actually, if there’s going to be music, maybe I can summon the will to get out of this bed.”
He brightens. “You sure?”
“Yeah. I really feel okay. Just exhausted. But I’ll sleep better if I get out for an hour or so.”
He helps me out of bed, grabs his guitar, and waits while I put on my jeans, sweatshirt, and shoes. Then he helps me walk down the hall and outside to the courtyard where a group is gathering.
All of Logan’s soldiers don’t live here. A lot have their own place like Deck and Lilah (although the two of them are spending the night here instead of going home). And many are on duty right now, stationed at guard posts or on their rotation for domestic work. Butthere are about three dozen of us scattered around the bonfire, eating roasted pork on skewers, potatoes, and greens.
The food is delicious, and Micah makes a comfortable seat for me against the side of an outbuilding. Everyone seems to be in a festive mood, and I don’t know if they just enjoy the bonfire or if it’s because of our successful mission earlier.
Logan himself comes out after a while carrying a toddler—his daughter Elizabeth—who wants to check out all the fun.
After the food, Micah picks up his guitar. One of the older men pulls out a harmonica, and Deck moves a hand drum between his legs.
People call out requests and suggestions, and a lot of those gathered sing along. I love it. I sing “I’ll Fly Away” when Micah asks me to, and Burgundy, Lilah, and I sing an old Katy Perry girl-power song. The two of them do some improvised dance steps, but my ankle prevents me from joining. But it’s still great fun. We ham it up to such an extent that nearly everyone collapses into laughter and Micah can barely contain his hilarity enough to keep strumming.
