I reach out to touch his face softly, feeling the scratchiness of the bristles on his jaw. “I would have done the same thing. I did do the same thing.”
“So if you can understand that, understand me, then why are you blaming yourself?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“You’ve done the best you could with what you were given. Same as me. And we’re both trying our best right now. I think we’re doing okay.”
I give him a trembling smile. “Yes. We’re doing okay.
“So just tell me if something doesn’t seem right or feel good. I mean it. I made it thirty years without having sex, so I’m not gonna fall apart if we have to take it slow. My hand and me have been handling things fine for a long time, and I’d rather go back to that than hurt you again. So if you’re soworried about disappointing me, the only thing that’s going to do that is if you hide stuff I need to know. I’m not Lorraine. I’m not like that. I’m never going to treat you like that.”
I’m still nodding. Wiping my eyes dry. “Okay.”
“You believe me?”
“Yes. You’ve always treated me better than her. But I think maybe… maybe I’ve gotten used to expecting people to hurt me. Since… since…”
“Since everyone always has,” he finishes soberly.
“Yes.” I can’t meet his eyes.
“Well, I’m not going to. Not on purpose anyway. And I swear I’m gonna be more careful in bed, but you gotta talk to me too.”
“Okay. I know I didn’t do right by pretending. I’ll do better too.”
He blows out a breath. His shoulders and jaw relax. “So you’re not gonna leave me?”
“Of course not!”
His mouth turns up in a little half smile. “Guess you got nowhere better to go.”
“I don’t have a lot of good choices, but I wouldn’t be tempted to leave you anyway. It’s been… it’s been great here. For me. Better than I ever knew to dream about.”
“Yeah?” He searches my face. “You mean it?”
“Yes. I mean it.”
“Good. Cause… things with you are better than I ever knew to dream about too.”
After our conversation, everything gets better. Not just for me but for Mason too.
He’s smiling a little as he goes outside to start his work for the day, and I feel like smiling too as I clean up the kitchen and then walk into the village to get enough food for the next few days.
On Sundays, Mason doesn’t do any of the heavy tasks, so we’re both done with our work by lunchtime. Together, we build the shelves I wanted in my closet and then organize the books on them.
He must have really been worried because he’s clearly happy and relieved now. And I am too. I keep giggling for no particular reason, and he seems to like it when I do.
When we’re done, I trim his hair, which has gotten so long it’s bothering him. He hangs around in the kitchen as I roast chicken, potatoes, and carrots for dinner. The food turns out delicious, and the day ends with evening chores.
In bed, he uses his hand to squeeze his shaft until he comes while he’s doing me with his other hand. It’s kind of exciting. To watch him get the same kind of pleasure I’m getting. He says we’ll try it the other way again soon, but he’s afraid I’ll still be sore today.
He’s right.
But, despite the modifications for my comfort, he looks a lot more relaxed and satisfied tonight as I get up to go to my own bed.
He smiles at me as I pull on my nightgown. “It was good for you this time?”
“Yes. It was really good. You’re sure you don’t mind?—”
