“Canaries,” she corrects me, and my lips twitch in a near smile. Then her eyes flutter over to me. “Oh. Ash. When did you get here?”
“I just sat down,” I tell her.
“I didn’t see you come in. I was just looking out the window. It’s so dreary out today.”
“It’s cold, too,” I tell her.
“Winter is always so awful here. I want to be in Hawaii. We should go to Hawaii,” she says.
“That would be nice,” I say. Mom is smiling, but her eyes are still far off somewhere.
“Your father loved Hawaii. You remember him, don’t you?” she asks, and I swallow.
“I do. Very well.”
“We went to Hawaii on our honeymoon. That was before you were born, of course. You might have been conceived in Hawaii. Although I’m sure you didn’t want to know that,” she chuckles softly, and I smile. Then it fades. “He was the love of my life.”
“I know,” I say, my throat tight.
“Have you ever been in love?” she asks, her eyes shifting over to me. “Surely, you have. Surely you have a wife and kids of your own right now. I just can’t seem to remember much today. Damn memory.”
“I’m not married,” I tell her, and she narrows her eyes.
“You’re not?”
I shake my head.
“Well, what are you waiting for? Cinderella? You’ve got gray hairs, for crying out loud.”
I run my hand through my hair with a smile, glad to hear the sass in her tone. But it’s gone in an instant, and she looks out the window again.
“That’s actually why I came here,” I say. “I wanted to talk to you about a girl. About Harper.”
Mom doesn’t respond. I’m not even sure she’s listening, but I keep talking anyway.
“I didn’t mean to fall for her. She’s my best friend’s sister, which makes her off limits, I know. But it just kind of happened. Hell, I don’t even know when it happened, but it did. When I found out she was getting married to someone who doesn’t deserve her, I came unglued. I stopped the wedding, you know. I flew all the way to Costa Rica, and I stopped the wedding. Then we were stuck there for a while because of a storm, and I…I couldn’t deny it. Being around her, being that close to her, I knew there was something there. Something I’d never felt before.”
Mom doesn’t look at me. But she clicks her tongue and begins to talk again. “Your father and I used to argue a lot. Of course, we hid it from you. But when we first met, it was a bit bumpy,” she smiles. “We were both so stubborn. We really got into it sometimes, but we always made up. It’s almost like we were so different that our differences actually reeled us back in. We had to try harder to make it work than people who are similar.”
“I always thought you guys had the perfect relationship,” I say, and she looks at me.
“No one has a perfect relationship, Ash. You’re old enough to know that. There are no fairytales. You have to fight for what’s worth keeping.”
I sigh, leaning back in my chair and staring out at whatever she keeps staring at. Hope, I guess.
“What do you do when fighting for the person you love means losing someone else you love?” I ask.
“You mean when you can’t find it in your heart to choose?” she asks.
“Exactly,” I say.
“I suppose you have to ask yourself why they are making you choose in the first place. Fear. Jealousy. Stubbornness. Those are the main reasons people would put you in that position. And if that’s the case, that’s for them to work out. Not you.”
“Right,” I whisper, knowing fully that what she is saying is true, but not wanting to believe it if it means losing Jaylen.
“I knew you would fall in love eventually,” she says, and it surprises me a little. I look over at her, and she’s just smiling at me. A knowing smile that only moms seem to possess.
“I tried not to,” I tell her.
