“Can’t I convince you to eat some bacon, or sausage, Cara?” Terza asked from where she was cooking away at the stove. “We need to get some calories inside you.”
“You’re getting plenty of calories in to me, Terza. I’m going to have to spend hours in the gym to work them all off if you keep up like this,” I laughed.
“No more going in the gym alone, at any time. You already agreed to that, and then you went in alone this morning,” Dante groused.
“I’m not sure I did agree to that, actually,” I argued.
Before Dante could counter my words, the kitchen door opened, and Cal walked in looking rather frantic. He was wearing thesweats and t-shirt from last night, and his usually strategically messy hair was wild and sticking up in every direction.
His eyes locked with mine and he froze just inside the doorway. I could see the movement of his chest as he took a huge breath in.
“There you are,” he said on an exhale, sounding relieved. “I was worried when I woke up and found you gone.”
“Sorry. I woke up a while ago, but I didn’t want to disturb you. I’m guessing you didn’t sleep that well on the sofa,” I explained.
“I slept fine, and I was there because I wanted to be close if you needed me. You should have woken me,” Cal told me as he walked over and pulled out the seat beside me. “What’s this? What happened?” He pointed to the ice Dante held against my hand, then looked to the man himself for answers.
“It’s nothing,” I spoke up, but Dante spoke over me.
“She was upset and took it out on the heavy bag in the gym. She’s lucky she didn’t break anything in her hands.”
“He’s being dramatic. I’m fine. I’ll just make sure I put gloves on or something next time,” I added with a roll of my eyes.
“And take one of us with you,” Dante tacked on.
“You were upset? You had a nightmare?” Cal guessed, and I nodded. “I wish you’d just woken me, babe. If you needed to hit the gym to work through it all, I’d have gone with you. I hate the thought of you being alone when you’re shaken up.”
“And I hate the thought of waking you from sleep just because I’m losing my freaking mind!” I hissed as my eyes becamewatery. I looked down to the counter, not wanting anyone to see the threat of tears, yet again.
“Don’t talk like that, Cara,” Terza scalded. I looked up and found her stood across the counter from me, her hands on her hips and a stern look on her face. “You, my dear, are brave and tough. Just because you also feel a little shaky right now, doesn’t mean you are losing anything. You must allow yourself to accept, and even embrace your emotions right now, otherwise you’ll never find any way through them and out to the other side. Putting yourself down and hiding your pain away will not achieve the outcome you want either.”
“As always, Terza is right,” Dante agreed.
“Of course I am,” Terza nodded. She leant over the counter and grabbed my plate from in front of me. “That’s cold now. I’ll make you some more.”
“No. There’s no need. I’m full, but thank you,” I told her.
“I hate to agree with Dante, but you haven’t eaten enough there, Cara,” she said, glancing from the plate to me.
“I’ll get something else later. I’m just not that hungry right now.”
The truth was my stomach felt unsettled after such a tough morning. Terza’s words were rattling around in my head, but nothing could take away the fear I felt at my own instability and weakness. It made me feel unsteady and off balance, and I loathed that.
At least in my old life, as crap as it had been, I’d had routine, and the certainty of the days being almost identical. I had found familiarity and security in that mundaneness. Now I didn’t haveany of that, and every time I left the house, danger seemed to fast approach. Maybe I could handle that better if I felt stronger, but I didn’t, and I didn’t know how to get any strength back either.
“Okay sweetie. I’ll make you some brunch in a short while,” she agreed, then she bustled away to the sink.
“I should go and get dressed,” I suggested as I looked between Dante and Cal, hating the way they both seemed to be watching me with wariness, like they feared I’d fall apart at any moment.
“Will you be alright in your room after last night?” Cal asked.
“Only one way to find out.” I moved to stand and Dante stopped me, gripping my hand which he’d been holding ice against.
“Take Cal with you, please. I don’t want you to be alone this morning, especially not in a room you feel uncomfortable in.”
“It’s my bedroom, Dante. I think I have to get used to it.”
“No, you don’t actually. Rafe plans to find you a room you feel safer in today. We’ll make it exactly how you want it. He doesn’t want you sleeping in the dressing room, in a space you hate any longer,” Cal informed me.
