“You’re bossy, obsessive, and crazy protective,” I told him honestly. “It drives me crazy at times, but it also makes me feel safer than I think I have ever felt. You’re amazing, Dante. Don’t doubt that,” I told him as I reached up and kissed his cheek softly. As I went to pull away and lay my head back on his wide chest, he caught me and pulled me close again, gently kissing my forehead before he released me.
“You’re my mute button,” he told me. I looked to him with confusion and he went on, “There’s so much noise in my head all of the time. My father, my past, the explosion. It all plays out over and over and my brain…it never stops. It’s loud and overwhelming at times, but you…when I hold you, like this, you mute it all. Everything goes silent and all I can see and think about is you. You bring me more peace than I have ever known, and that’s a part of why I’m so sure that you are mine. You need me, but I need you too.”
“Dante…” I didn’t even know what to say to that. His words had my heart pounding harder. He was being so open and trusting with every word he spoke, and I had a feeling it was very rare for him to be that way.
“Anyway, you wanted to know about Rafe,” he went on, his usual mask slipping back into place to cover the vulnerability I had just seen. I knew I was lucky to have seen it at all though, so I kept my mouth shut and listened. “That day had been a rough one. It was a year since Rann died and my life as I knew it, ended. I’d been drinking and for some reason I ended up on the estate…where you grew up. I was angry and I wanted something to hit. Enzo’s face seemed like a good idea, so I was looking for him.
“It was years since I’d been to the house, but my access codes on the security panels still worked. I walked inside and I heard yelling. It was Marcello. I headed that way, knowing Enzo was never far from Marcello, but when I walked into the office, the last thing I expected was to find Rafe holding a gun to Marcello’s head.”
“It was the night Rafe killed him?” I asked.
“Yeah. I didn’t know at the time, but Marcello had found out that Rafe had gotten you and your Mum out of the country. He confronted Rafe about it, promising to find out where Rafe had sent you, whatever it took. He told Rafe he would make him watch while you were both killed. It was the final straw for your brother. He snapped and pulled a gun on Marcello, but before he killed him, Rafe wanted to know everything the bastard knew about you and where you were. He wanted to be sure Marcello hadn’t already sent anyone after you. That’s what I walked in on. But just as I walked in, so did Enzo from the door at the back ofthe office. He had a gun trained on Rafe and I knew the look in his eyes well. He was going to kill him.”
“Oh God!” I gasped as I pictured it in my mind, the danger Rafe had faced, all of those years ago, just to save my life.
“I didn’t know what Rafe was like then. We’d known each other as kids, but we’d been kept apart as we got older. Marcello never liked me, and he never thought I was good enough to be around his son. But in that moment, all I truly cared about was ending my evil fuck of a father. He hadn’t seen me yet, so I pulled my gun and shot him straight through the head. Marcello made a lunge for Rafe in the moment, and Rafe didn’t hesitate to shoot. We both just stood looking at each other then, both of our fathers bleeding out on the ground. That bonded us in some twisted way, and I’ve worked for Rafe ever since.”
“You saved his life,” I whispered gratefully.
“He saved mine too. He gave me a home and a family. A place I felt like I belonged, even as messed up as I am.”
“Don’t say that. You’re not messed up!” I bit out.
“I am, but that’s okay, because it helps me to protect the people I care about,” he argued. “And it brought you to me too.”
“Like I’m some blessing!” I scoffed, but when I dipped my head to show him I was smiling and teasing, he took me completely by surprise, grabbing my face between his hands and pulling me in close.
He hesitated for just a second, I suspected giving me time to pull away if I wanted to, but I didn’t. He had me enraptured in his intensity. When he pushed up to press his lips to mine I kissed him back, not allowing myself to over think it. I had feelings forhim, and they were growing by the day. I wanted that kiss, that perfect moment with him.
He kept it brief, just a few pecks of his firm, warm lips against mine, then he pulled away, releasing me as he laid back with a satisfied smile on his face.
“Perfect,” he uttered.
I was pretty sure I was flushed, and there was definitely a smile on my face too. I was tempted to lunge forwards and kiss him again, properly this time, but I hesitated as my brain overtook with logic once again. My smile slipped as I remembered that I was too messed up to get into any kind of relationship. I had told myself that, over and over.
Dante watched me for several beats, seeming to read every thought racing through my head. I didn’t know if I should say something, apologise for being so confused, maybe, but he took the decision from me.
“Come on. We should get you upstairs. I want to ice your knuckles. They’re going to bruise,” he said as he wrapped an arm around me and sat up with me in his lap.
I opted to take the out he offered, and lifted my hands between us. I studied my red knuckles as I tried to calm my racing heart. They still throbbed a little, and I made myself focus on that pain, instead of how badly I had messed up the moment with Dante.
“They’re fine. It’ll toughen them up,” I shrugged.
“It will stop you from training with Dario and Arran if they swell, which I’m assuming would piss you off?”
“Fine,” I sighed as I slid from his lap and sat on the mat at his side. My heart rate seemed to be slowing, and I felt a little calmer and more composed. “Let’s go. You’re right. I’ll be pissed if the guys won’t train with me later.”
There was a smile on Dante’s face as he got to his feet, then lifted me to mine. It had been there since he kissed me, and didn’t seem to be leaving any time soon. I wished I could feel that way, just happy because of the brief kiss, but I was, as usual, over thinking it, and I just felt confused more than anything.
I wanted Dante, and that brief kiss had been the greatest of my life, even though it had barely been anything really. But he was so much older than me, and he was a very complex man. His complexities didn’t dissuade me exactly, but I wasn’t sure we could ever work when I had so many of my own complications.
And aside from all of that, there was another problem too…or three, to be exact. Cal, Arran, and Dario. Dante wasn’t wrong that I had feelings for all of them too. I didn’t understand how it had happened, or why I found myself growing feelings for four men at once, but it was happening, no matter how hard I tried to deny it. I wanted all of them, and that was so crazy and irrational. It was little wonder I was so confused!
CHAPTER 12
CARA
I was seated at the central island in the kitchen, Dante holding an ice pack to the knuckles on my left hand, as I ate the scrambled eggs and toast, which Terza had made for me. He’d already iced my right hand, but he wasn’t happy that they already looked a little bruised, no matter how much I tried to convince him they didn’t even hurt anymore.
