There were several moments of silence, then it was Cal that spoke up. I felt his soft hand brush up and down my arm, and I didn’t flinch this time. I knew it was him and I wanted his touch. I needed him close.
“Cara, it was just water. You knocked over some flowers and there’s water on the floor inside the doorway of your room. I don’t know why the lights aren’t working, but it’s likely just a fuse or something. That’s all it was, babe. Just water and shitty electrics in this old house. Everything’s alright.”
“W-water?” I repeated, feeling confused as some logic worked it’s way in through the darkness in my head.
“Just water. Mum is gone. Her body was cremated. Do you remember?” Rafe reminded me.
“I…y-yes. I th-think so. I just….it was the s-same. It w-was all the….the same. I thought….I…”
“Sshh now,Piccola. None of that matters,” Dio cut in, stopping my frantic, confused ramble. “Just try to slow everything down and take some deep breaths. Rafe has you, and Cal and I are here. You’re home and you’re safe with us. Try to hold onto that thought.” I felt fingers comb through my hair and knew it was him. I could smell his aftershave, he was that close to me.
“Let’s go to my office,” Rafe suggested, and I relaxed against him a little more at hearing the words.
“Your office?” Cal questioned.
“Cara likes it in there. She seems to feel safe. She slept on the sofa in there earlier,” Rafe explained, and he was right. I did feel safer in there. Maybe because it was a smaller room than most of the others in the vast house, or maybe because it smelled of Rafe and Dio whenever I walked in there – a mix of the aftershave they both wore.
I zoned out a little as Rafe moved through the house. I felt somewhat calmer after being reassured that I wasn’t back in my apartment, and that my Mum’s body was gone, but it was hard to slow down the confusion and mess in my mind.
It was the pain of my still tender shoulder being jolted against Rafe as he carried me down the many stairs that brought me back to reality more than anything, and I welcomed it. Pain was familiar and comfortable for me, especially when comparedto the feelings of losing control that seemed to be my only alternative.
Eventually, reality seemed to return to me and I internally grimaced at how hard and fast I was breathing, and at how much my hands were hurting my eyes with how hard I was grinding my palms into them.
I lowered my hands just a little to alleviate the pressure against my eyes, but still didn’t open them. Even though sense was prevailing, and I knew I’d lost it over some water being spilled and a faulty light, part of me wasn’t ready to give in completely.
What if I opened my eyes and I was right back in that apartment? What if Rafe and being there with him and all of the amazing people in his life, had all been a dream – some wild figment of my imagination after I snapped mentally upon finding my Mum? It sounded crazy, even to me, and yet the fear was very real.
“Cara?” It was Dio’s voice, and I felt a hand land over my knee. It felt so warm against the cold that seemed to have gripped me from the inside. “Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes for me?”
“Take your time, sweetheart. Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere,” Rafe said and I felt his arms around me squeeze enough to prove he still held me. I knew then that I was sitting sidelong in his lap. My head was resting to the side, against his chest and I could feel the steady beat of his heart under my ear.
“I…I’m okay,” I whispered shakily.
“Can you open those pretty eyes for us then, gorgeous?” Cal asked. My heart pounded even harder as fear swept over me atjust the notion, but I pushed it back. I had acted out of my mind for long enough. I needed to pull myself together. I forced my eyes open with a gasp, then relaxed instantly when I found Cal and Dio both watching me. Dio was seated on the leather sofa in the office, beside Rafe and I. He was leaning in close, his face set with frustration and concern as he studied me hard.
Cal was knelt on the floor before me, and as soon as I opened my eyes, he masked whatever was on his face with his usual soothing smile.
“There you are,” he said softly as he leaned in and brushed some hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear.
“S-sorry,” I stuttered.
“Don’t. You have nothing to apologise for,” Rafe told me, and when I turned to glance at him over my shoulder, he leaned in and kissed the top of my head. “Just try to relax and breathe easier, sweetheart. Please.”
“He’s right. You need to try and take some deeper breaths. Can I check your pulse?” Cal asked as he held his hand out towards mine, which was tensed in the air near my face, poised to cover my eyes, even still.
“O-okay,” I nodded, lowering my right hand down enough for him to take gentle hold of my wrist. He placed two fingers over my pulse point and studied his watch for several moments. I just watched on and tried to calm myself down. I was shaking hard and my body felt like I’d run a marathon. I was exhausted.
“A little fast, but nothing to worry too much about,” Cal declared as he let my hand go and looked to my brother as he spoke. “She’s freezing though. I’ll go and get more blankets and somewater. Do you want anything else, Cara?” he asked as he looked to me.
“Y-you’ll come back?”
“I’ll come back,” he reassured me with a wink. “I won’t be long. Keep concentrating on your breathing. You’re doing a lot better now.”
“Here. Let’s tuck your hands under the blanket. See if we can get you a little warmer until he gets back,” Dio said, then he was stood before me, leaning in to tuck my hands under the cosy blanket, that Rafe had bought for me, and shown me earlier, which was now wrapped around me. “Christ, Carr. These hands are like blocks of ice. Do you feel cold?”
“Yeah. I al-always do after. I’ll w-warm up soon,” I explained. My breathing was calmer now and the words came out a little easier.
“After what? What was that? A panic attack?” Rafe asked.
